The Boy in the Dress

1

I'm Dennis.

I live in an ordinary house

in an ordinary street

in an ordinary town.

But I feel... different.

I go to an ordinary school.

But I feel different there, too.

Put him on an amber alert.

Thank you.

Ah - Lisa James. The serial offender.

Shall I measure her skirt,

Mr Hawthorn?

Lisa James is the coolest

girl there.

She's always trying to bring

some style to the school.

Dennis?

Que voulez-vous acheter

dans le magasin?

Um...

Une voiture?

Mais, c'est une boulangerie!

Nous ne vendons pas de voiture dans

une boulangerie.

Ecoutez, Dennis. Ecoutez.

Isabel?

De... je pain

Du. DU pain, oui.

Du pain, du pain.

The teachers moan that

I'm always daydreaming.

Saturdays are the best,

cos that means football.

All right, Darvesh? Yep.

Hi, Jaspreet. Is that a new dupatta?

Yes, thank you Dennis, it is.

Oh, you always notice things!

Wish my son would notice

things like that.

I notice you're embarrassing.

Football is the one thing

I'm good at.

Go on, Dennis!

The one thing that's mine.

Yes! Goal!

But I still don't feel like

I fit in.

Dad doesn't come to watch anymore.

But these days

he has got a lot on his plate.

Oh! I'm knackered just

watching that lot.

Sausages are a bit burnt.

And I forgot to put the hob on for

the peas, but they'll soon melt.

Things aren't easy in my family.

It was better when Mum was around.

When you were with her, you

felt like anything could happen.

Come on, everyone! Don't be boring!

Then one day it did.

She left.

After she'd gone, Dad burned every

single picture we had of her.

But I managed to save one.

What you doing? Ssh!

But Dad being Dad, he couldn't resist

cooking some sausages at the same time.

I suppose I wanted to escape

to some magical world.

And I found it in the most

unexpected place.

Dennis!

Dennis!

Boys can like Vogue too, you know...

Ahem!

33 seconds. That counts as browsing.

Just Match and... Vogue.

Uh-huh.

Vogue!

The fashionista's Bible.

An unusual choice for

a 12-year-old boy.

Raj, I need to be getting home,

so...

Come to think of it, I've never had

a boy your age buy Vogue.

It's a Christmas present.

For my auntie.

Oh, oh, oh! Then you will need

a card.

A card? Uh-huh. To go with

the present.

I have Santa, a snowman, reindeers,

"with deepest sympathy"...

No, no, no. That's not right.

The Santa one is fine.

Then you will want wrapping paper

and sticking tape,

and - oh, oh, oh! - A gift tag.

That is nine pounds...

Come on, Dennis. Strike a pose.

Come Fly With Me

by Michael Buble

Dennis?

What you doing?

Nothing. Just... thinking.

What?

You know how when we were little,

we'd dress as pirates and Daleks?

Yeah.

Don't you sort of miss that?

Nah. Got better things to do now.

Like hang around outside the offy?

Nah. That's boring. We hang

around outside the Pound Shop.

See you later! See you very soon.

It's a party!

I'm not 18 years old!

Why did you agree to have a party?

You're acting like I'm not here!

Think it shrunk a bit.

There you go. Thanks, Dad.

Right, now. The lorry's being

serviced today, so I've got a bit of time.

I was going to fix that leaky

pipe in your room.

Where you going?

Forgot my maths book.

Hiya, Peter! Hi, Jaspreet.

Dennis'll be down in a sec.

Oh! Not too soon, I hope.

I do so enjoy our little chats.

Dennis!

Any sec now. Just...

Dennis!

Get down here! Here we are.

Hiya. Bye, Dad.

All the best.

Thanks for taking him again.

Oh, no. Not at all, Peter.

And if you need anything, just call.

Anything at all, day or... night.

Oh. Yep.

I'll just, er...

There we are, then.

See you later!

Yeah, I'm the captain.

Chief goal scorer,

so I take all the penalties.

He takes all the penalties.

Why do we have a school

uniform, Miss James?

To keep the nylon

factories going, sir?

Because a uniform ensures discipline

and without discipline...

Chaos ensues.

Miss Price, I am

capable of finishing my own...

Sentences.

Sorry, Mr Hawthorn.

Oi, Simms!

Think you're clever, don't you?

I'm just practising.

Well, let's see

if you've improved, then.

Hit that can.

I expect everyone at this school to

be dressed immaculately at all times.

Ssh! Quiet, please. This is a

detention, it's not a discotheque.

What are you in for?

Kicked a ball through

the Head's window.

That was you? Respect.

What's your name?

Dennis Simms.

John's little brother? Yeah.

I'm Lisa. I know. You're a legend!

You're the coolest girl in school.

I love the way you dress. Every day

there's a new little twist and...

Don't worry, I'm not obsessed.

No, no. You don't sound it at all!

Vogue!

That's not mine.

I don't know how that got there.

Can you get on with your work,

please?

I'm trying to buy some

Christmas present...

I meant - I'm doing marking.

I thought I was the only one

round here who read this.

You are, cos, like I said,

it's not mine.

You into haute couture or

pret-a-porter? I'm easy.

You're new to all this, aren't you?

Don't Pret make sandwiches?

But some of that stuff is

too mad to wear, surely.

And there's a cardigan on one page

and it says it costs 300.

That has got to be a mistake?

So many questions, young Hobbit.

And there was one dress,

and it had shoulders out here.

I mean, how can you

get on the bus in that?

Oh. Well, this is my house. Bye.

Oh, OK.

Bye.

So, you'll come round Saturday, then?

What for? To learn.

Everything.

Where are you going?

To Lisa James' house.

Oh, yeah.

And I've got a date with Rihanna!

Hey.

All right? Come in. Fancy a drink?

Why not?

Champagne cocktail?

You're under age.

Um Bongo?

That's gorgeous! Classic Dior.

Look at this from the '70s.

You see how the lines are all

the same?

Now, this is Italian Vogue.

My favourite.

You'd look amazing in that.

Wouldn't anyone?

My mum loved to dress up.

She always looked great.

What happened to her?

She ran off with this guy who's

got his own roofing company.

Granny says they've got a baby

together now.

I'm sorry. Me too.

Now I live in a house

full of blokes.

It's just so boring and grey

sometimes.

Can I show you something?

Wow! Who made that?

Me.

I'd do it at school, but the Head

won't let us do fashion tech.

How am I meant to be a designer if I

can't even get any qualifications?

It's beautiful.

Maybe...

you should try it on?

What? No!

Go on, try it on.

I can't do that.

Who's going to

have a problem with it?

Well, let's see -

my dad, my brother, the Head,

the football team,

oh - and everyone else I know.

Not me.

I don't think there should be

any rules.

I think we should all wear...

whatever we like.

Yeah, but whoever heard of

a boy in a dress?

We've got the Christmas things

from out the shed. Oh, right.

Thought we could all do

the tree together.

I used to do that with your mum.

I was on tinsel, she was on baubles.

Let's do it later, yeah?

Why don't you come to

the semifinals?

Can't remember the last time

you saw me play footy. Oh, I can.

She came, too.

Rate this script:4.0 / 4 votes