The Boy in the Dress Page #2

It was just before that...

so-and-so came to fix the roof.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Lisa.

Yes, John, it's me.

Is Dennis in?

Who?

Your brother, Dennis.

Oh, yeah. Wait there.

He's out all day, but I'll tell you

who's here, and that's me.

Little accident?

I thought we could

hang around outside the chippy?

Throw things in the canal?

Whatever you want to do, babes.

Oh, look - he's back.

You ready? Sure. See you later.

Raise your game, son.

I've got something to show you.

Really?

Do you like it?

I love it.

I've been working on it all night.

I need to make a few adjustments.

Will you... put it on?

Put on the dress? Yeah.

Oh. Unless, of course,

you really don't want to?

No, no! I mean,

if it helps you out...

Why are you laughing?

You look incredible.

How does it fit? Perfectly!

So, who did you make it for?

You! What?!

Oh, I'm not stupid. I can tell you

really wanted to wear one.

And you could totally

pass for a girl,

with a few extra little touches.

Do you really think so?

You could go out in that.

Where?

I dunno. Down the street? Into town?

How about Raj's shop!

You would get away with it, I swear.

Yeah, but...

...we aren't actually

going to do it, are we?

I'm scared.

Just be confident.

The world is your catwalk.

This isn't a good idea.

Raj knows me.

He knows Dennis.

He's never met Denise.

Who's Denise?

Aha, Lisa, my favourite customer!

Who is your new friend?

This is my French exchange... person.

Girl. Student.

Bonjour.

Je am... Denise.

Wilkommen!

My shop is famous around the world.

Surely you've heard of it?

Non, Monsieur Raj.

You know my name! You must have!

How about commemorative postcards to

send to your family back in France?

They're blank. Yes, I know.

You can draw British

landmarks on them with...

this set of colouring pens,

priced just 4.99.

We'll just take this magazine.

Now, Denise, before you leave,

you must try our traditional

British delicacies.

These Twixs came in fresh

this morning.

Non, merci.

Le Munch De Monster,

s'il vous plait.

Excellent choice, senorita.

- Bye, Raj.

- Bye.

Au revoir.

Ciao!

Peter. Perfect Peter.

Peter the poppet.

Peter Piper picked a peck

of pickled pepper.

Wh-what exactly do you want?

Yeah, is Dennis ready for the semis?

Well, he's... Do you know, Peter,

every time I pop by and accidently

peep through your windows,

I can't help thinking that this

house could do with a woman's touch.

He's... So I've bought you some

scatter cushions.

And a couple of photo frames.

And oh, look - who's this?

He's out. With that Lisa James

girl from school.

I will find him. Stay strong.

That was hilarious!

I know! So, when do we do it again?

How about never?

What about the shopping centre?

Tons of people there. No!

Lisa, where's Dennis?

The semifinals!

Er, Dennis?

He said to tell you, if I saw you,

like, um, I'm seeing you now,

to say that he...

will be home in five minutes.

Well, come on!

How can anyone run in these?

All right, speedy!

Where were you?

Doing weights.

Are you a fan of

the rap music, Dennis?

Just say no.

...come and see me.

...see me.

...so easily. Ooh...

Please, don't do that.

Eh eh eh-eh!

Look at him!

Oh, go back to Hogwarts.

Darv, is it weird wearing

a patka on your head?

Nah, it's just a Sikh thing.

Yeah, I know, but you're the only

boy at school who wears one.

It's no big deal.

And it would be boring if we were

all the same, wouldn't it?

So, you're playing St Kenneth's.

Private school, state-of-the-art

sports facilities,

and, let's face it,

a better gene pool.

Now, on paper, things

don't look very good...

...and, looking at you now,

it's a lot worse.

You're always out of breath,

you've got chubby legs,

and most of you are still waiting

for your growth spurt.

Sorry, son, it's been and gone.

Right, come on.

Put your hands in the middle.

Now lift them up.

Whoosh.

That's supposed to help.

I've got no idea how.

Come on, then.

Whoo! Come on, football! Oh! Oh! Oh!

It's tails. Yes! Won the toss.

Once again, the captain leads

from the front.

Gareth, we were all talking

about penalties...

I'm the captain, I'm taking them.

Change ends!

Dennis.

To me.

Good luck.

Come on, Gareth!

Bad luck!

Strike it!

Yes!

What's happened?

We won.

Really? Yes.

Pretty good.

You should stick to quidditch.

Dad! We won!

That's great. Well done.

So you didn't get a chance

to put up the tree?

Oh. Sorry, son.

We're not doing Christmas this year.

I just can't face it.

Dad, sometimes I think you

choose to be miserable.

Dennis! He does!

It's like you made a rule -

you can never forget about Mum.

Well, it's not that easy.

You have to break the rules

sometimes. You can talk!

What? He's got a picture

of Mum under his mattress.

Bring it here now.

I thought I said no reminders

of your mum in this house.

But, Dad... This is going in

the bin where it belongs.

It's my only one.

I don't care.

I'm going out!

Dennis?

Are you OK? I want to wear

the dress again.

What? Go back to Raj's?

No. I want to do something

much bigger. Something crazy.

How crazy?

Really crazy.

Who's this?

My French exchange student.

Bonjour.

Je m'appelle

Denise.

She's from Paris.

I thought all the exchanges

were from Marseille.

She's from Rue de Paris in Marseille.

Even if she is, nobody enters this

school, of which I am the secretary,

without written permission.

Oh, I cleared it with the Head.

Then let's go to the office

and check.

Now.

Sure. No problem.

I mean, it will look like

you're questioning his authority,

but you know best.

Lisa James, you can talk to me

until you're blue in the face,

but none of that is going

to change the fact that I've

just decided it's all fine.

Off to your lessons.

How long are you staying?

Cool bangle. Is it from France?

Is it hard having to speak

French all day?

Non.

Sit down, shut up.

You're new.

She's from France.

Oh, bonjour.

No, that's all I've got.

I'm Mr Norris.

I teach PE,

but they also make me take history.

You know much history?

No.

Good. Then you'll fit right in.

Start of the First World War. 1914.

The Prime Minister

was Winston Churchill.

Gareth. Gareth Small.

Captain of the football team.

Bonjour, Gareth.

Je too enjoy le football.

So, do you score all the goals?

I can't lie, babes. Yes, I do.

Yeah, he does. What of it?

Because I heard it is a boy

called...

...Dennis.

Don't know who told you that.

Yeah, who told you that?

Everyone says it.

Yes, they say you are the one

who miss all the penalties.

No, no, babes, I'm the star player.

You must come and watch a game.

Don't come and watch a game.

Come on, Gareth!

Hey, Denise!

Denise! Hey, Denise!

This is just the best. I know.

Dennis? Sh!

What on earth are you doing? I'm just

being someone else for the day.

Are you nuts? It's fun.

It's not going to be fun

when everyone finds out.

You'll never live this down.

Only you've recognised me.

So far! You've got to get changed.

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