The Brady Bunch Movie Page #2

Jan.

- Bye.

- Bye, honey.

- Bye, Bobby.

- Bye, Jan.

Look out, you stupid little punk kid!

Get out of the road!

Davy Jones is the most. I wish he'd

write back. I wrote him a month ago.

But he gets millions of letters.

But I'm president of his fan club

and I invited him to our school dance.

A rock star can't

just drop everything for our dance.

- You can be so silly sometimes.

- This is a car-jack.

Of course this is a car.

But my name's not Jack, it's Greg.

And this is my sister Marcia.

- And you?

- Eddie. Didn't you hear me?

Get out now. This is a car-jacking.

I think he has a flat tyre.

He must need a jack. Sorry, Eddie.

We don't have a jack.

But I'll call AAA.

- It was so nice to meet you.

- Bye-bye.

- Hey, you moron. Out of the way, jerk!

- Move, dumb nut!

Don't worry. I'm sure Mr Phillips

will advance me the money.

Oh, of course he will.

You're the best player on his team.

Go get 'em, Tiger.

Tiger, Tiger.

What ever happened to that dog?

- Brady!

- Morning, Larry.

I was just reading about some

beautiful property available in Utah.

I'll bet you'd feel right at home there.

Blue skies, clean living, Osmonds.

Thanks, Larry, but I'm still not

interested in moving. I love this house.

Carol, the kids and Alice all love it.

It was our first house all together.

- Half a mill. Take it or leave it.

- There's nothing could get us to sell.

I designed this house myself.

It's in perfect condition.

Carol thinks so, kids think so,

Alice thinks so. I'm sorry.

Well, you can't blame

a guy for trying, huh?

Putz.

Excuse me, Mr Dittmeyer,

but as a member of the safety patrol,

I warn you your hedge is overgrown...

...and could block the view

for oncoming traffic.

I was on my bike

and checked the sight-lines myself.

You see, Billy... Like it matters.

...I grew my hedge tall for a reason:

So I wouldn't have to see your family.

Thanks for your concern.

See you later.

- Hey there, groovy chick.

- Great!

- Do I look like a yellow, fuzzy baby bird?

- That's funny, Donna.

You are really happening

in a far-out way.

- How about going for a soda later?

- Sorry, I've got a step class.

If you're having step problems,

I'll carry your books to History class.

I can hold my own books.

And it's not History, it's Herstory.

Wow!

Hi, everybody.

- Hey, Marcia.

- Hello, Doug Simpson.

God, she drives me crazy.

- I've got to have that.

- I live next door.

She's harder to get into

than a Pearl Jam concert.

- What are you guys talking about?

- Just how twisted the Bradys are.

Especially Marcia.

What a retro wannabe.

I think Peter's a babe.

Well, in a Gilligan sort of way.

- What are you, nuts?

- Biology.

- Take notes.

- What?

- Hi, Marcia.

- Hi.

- My mom said I could sleep over.

- That's great, Noreen.

Guess what else.

Doug just said hi to me.

- He is so dreamy, isn't he?

- Yeah, I guess.

If you like that sort of thing.

- Can I carry your books?

- Sure, Noreen.

After all, you are my best friend.

- Here's Doug. Go away.

- Sure.

- No, no, stay... No, no, leave.

- Bye.

No, stay and pretend

I just said something really funny.

Hi, Marcia.

- What's up?

- Oh, hi, Doug.

Would you go to the dance with me

Friday night?

Sure, that would be a blast.

- Cool. You'll hear from me.

- Great.

He's so out of sight.

- Oh, my gosh. I just remembered.

- What?

I already told Charlie

I'd go to the dance with him.

I can't go out with two boys at once.

I like Charlie, but Doug is so cute.

And, after all,

he is the big man on campus.

Noreen, what am I going to do?

This is the worst mess

I've ever gotten myself into.

My life is over.

So that is what males experience

during the onset of puberty.

Now, as far as the young women are

concerned, first we begin with ovulation,

and its effect on the female body.

- Peter.

- Yes, Miss Lynley.

Why don't you come up here

and take the pointer...

...and trace the path of the ovum

through the Fallopian tube...

...where the uterine lining is flushed

through the vagina.

Oh, Peter! Peter!

So, Jan, what can I help you with?

Teen pregnancy? Bulimia?

Suicidal tendencies?

No, it's my stupid glasses.

I know I should wear them.

I look in the mirror

every morning and say,

"Put on your glasses. " But then I say,

"You look like a creep. Take them off."

It's like my head tells me to do

different things and I get very confused.

Inner voices? Good, that's good.

Let's explore that.

What did she mean "inner voices"?

That's none of her business.

- But it's her job to ask questions.

- You are so dumb.

I don't have inner voices.

Now, Jan, paranoid schizophrenia

is very common...

...amongst children of blended families.

You are the middle child?

Middle child? Don't you mean

Marcia Brady's little sister?

- Wait, she's just trying to help.

- Help? Wake up.

She's just looking for an excuse

to bring up Marcia. Marcia, Marcia!

Yes, I'm in the middle.

It sounds like you have a serious

case of Middle Child Syndrome.

But you needn't worry.

Here's a copy of my book.

And my tapes.

In the meantime, do something to

make yourself stand out,

to give you your own look,

apart from your siblings.

A new look. That's it!

Gee, thanks, Mrs Cummings.

Jan, come back

when you're pregnant.

And girl, you'd better work it.

Hi, Holly. Can I give you a hand?

Yeah, thanks.

I'm over here.

Hey, hey, hey, Petey.

Look, Leon, it's Holly's little friend.

Knock it off, or I'II...

- Or you'll what?

- Dittmeyer.

Do it and die.

I'll get you, Brady.

A $20,000 advance?

I'd like to, Mike, but we're still hurting

from the recession.

I only have three developers

this week.

Let me have a shot at those projects.

If I sell a design,

you'd front me the advance, right?

Sure, but...

How should I put this delicately,

Mike?

Your designs are...

...from another time.

That's kind of you to say. I've always

thought of my style as classic, as well.

I'll get right to work.

- Well, Mr Amir, what do you think?

- I love it.

But it's too interesting.

I want something simple. A couple of

self-serve pumps and a Slurpee machine.

Sorry.

It's only strike one, Mr Phillips.

I've still got two more times at bat.

- Heidi, go yodel in your own yard.

- OK, Mr Dittmeyer.

Hey, hey, little girl.

I've got to get something out of my

truck. Don't let anybody touch this wire.

- Can you do that?

- Of course.

Daddy, there's a Brady in our yard.

I told you to stay in your own yard.

Yes, but you see,

I'm standing here because...

The lisp thing is really getting old,

so hop back on the Swiss Miss

package where you belong.

Don't forget your jump rope.

Try it and you're spam.

Well, Mr Brady.

Did you hit a home run today?

I didn't even make it to first base.

Maybe we should think about taking

Mr Dittmeyer's offer.

You're serious

about selling the house?

I designed this house myself. Every

colour, brick and sheet of Formica.

If I knew another way, I'd take it. But

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