The Breakfast Club Page #7

BENDER:

What's yours?

CLAIRE:

Claire...

BENDER:

Ka-Laire?

CLAIRE:

Claire...it's a family name!

BENDER:

Nooo...It's a fat girl's name!

CLAIRE:

Well thank you...

BENDER:

You're welcome...

CLAIRE:

I'm not fat!

BENDER:

Well not at present but I could see

you really pushing maximum density!

You see, I'm not sure if you know

this...but there are two kinds of

fat people. There's fat people that

were born to be fat, and then there's

fat people that were once thin but

they became fat...so when you look

at them you can sorta see that thin

person inside! You see, you're

gonna get married, you're gonna

squeeze out a few puppies and then,

uh...

He mimes becoming fat, making noises.

Claire gives him the finger.

BENDER:

Oh...obscene finger gestures from

such a pristine girl!

CLAIRE:

(resentfully)

I'm not that pristine!

Bender bends down closer to Claire.

BENDER:

Are you a virgin?

(a beat)

I'll bet you a million dollars that

you are! Let's end the suspense!

Is it gonna be...

(another beat)

...a white weddin?

CLAIRE:

Why don't you just shut up?

BENDER:

Have you ever kissed a boy on the

mouth?

(a beat)

Have you ever been felt up? Over

the bra, under the blouse, shoes

off...hoping to God your parents

don't walk in?

Claire is getting upset.

CLAIRE:

Do you want me to puke?

BENDER:

Over the panties, no bra, blouse

unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on

the front seat past eleven on a

school night?

ANDREW:

Leave her alone!

Bender slowly stands and faces Andrew.

ANDREW:

I said leave her alone!

BENDER:

You gonna make me?

ANDREW:

Yeah...

Bender walks over to where Andrew is standing.

BENDER:

You and how many of your friends?

ANDREW:

Just me, just you and me. Two hits.

Me hitting you, you hitting the

floor! Anytime you're ready, pal!

Bender goes to hit him but Andrew gets Bender down on

the ground with a wrestling move.

BENDER:

I don't wanna get into to this with

you man...

Andrew gets up.

ANDREW:

Why not?

Bender gets up.

BENDER:

'Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple.

I'd kill you and your f***ing parents

would sue me and it would be a big

mess and I don't care enough about

you to bother.

ANDREW:

Chicken sh*t...

Andrew turns and walks away. Bender takes out a

switchblade and opens it.

He stabs the switchblade into a chair.

ANDREW:

Let's end this right now. You don't

talk to her...you don't look at her

and you don't even think about her!

You understand me?

BENDER:

I'm trying to help her!.

We see the janitor, CARL come into the room.

CARL:

Brian, how you doing?

BENDER:

Your dad works here?

Brian is embarrassed.

BENDER:

Uh, Carl?

CARL:

What?

BENDER:

Can I ask you a question?

CARL:

Sure...

BENDER:

How does one become a janitor?

CARL:

You wanna be a janitor?

BENDER:

No I just wanna know how one becomes

a janitor because Andrew here, is

very interested in persuing a

career in the custodial arts...

CARL:

Oh, really? You guys think I'm

just some untouchable peasant? Peon?

Huh? Maybe so, but following

a broom around after shitheads like

you for the past eight years I've

learned a couple of things...I look

through your letters, I look through

your lockers...I listen to your

conversations, you don't know that

but I do...I am the eyes and ears of

this institution my friends. By the

way, that clock's twenty minutes

fast!

Everyone groans. Bender smiles.

ANDREW:

Sh*t!

CUT TO:

15. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

The clock says 11:30. Vernon gets up and leaves.

CUT TO:

16. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Bender starts to whistle a marching tune and everybody

joins in.

Vernon enters. Bender begins to whistle Beethoven's

5th.

VERNON:

Allright girls, that's thirty

minutes for lunch...

ANDREW:

Here?

VERNON:

Here...

ANDREW:

Well I think the cafeteria would be

a more suitable place for us to eat

lunch in, sir!

VERNON:

Well, I don't care what you think,

Andrew!

BENDER:

Uh, Dick? Excuse me, Rich...will

milk be made available to us?

ANDREW:

We're extremely thirsty sir...

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