The Brothers Solomon Page #5

was, like, 80 percent.

Well, that's pretty good.

No, that means 80 percent died.

- I went the other way with it.

- This isn't a joke.

I'm not joking, I seriously went

the other way with it.

If you guys are gonna do this...

...you have to stop making decisions

a head-trauma patient would make...

...and start making decisions

that a parent would make.

I'll take that into consideration.

- That's not good enough.

- Then we'll heavily consider it.

Can we focus?

Guys. This baby is inside of me,

which means I have some say in this.

If I don't think the two of you

can handle this...

...you will never even lay eyes

on this child. Got it?

Yeah.

Got it.

Dean.

Hands in.

"Become kick-ass dads," on three.

One, two, three.

- Become kick-ass dads!

- Become kick-ass dads!

It's all right, you told them, baby.

Second trimester.

The baby's lost

and you gotta find it. Go.

- Fifteen seconds.

- Where are you?!

Dean, you gotta find that baby!

Got it, got it! How'd I do?

- Fifty-four seconds.

- Nice.

- Yeah, I think it died.

- Crap.

Keep your chin up.

Bound to lose a baby or two

along the way.

I love you.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

It's not always gonna tell us when it's

gonna jump. Gotta think about that.

There you go again,

making me a better person.

Good one, Dean.

Looks like someone's diaper's full.

It crapped out, like,

$5 in quarters. What the hell?

I thought it'd be good

to condition our brains...

...to view diaper-changing

as a positive experience.

Brilliant.

A friendship bracelet.

Chicken fingers.

And hot mustard sauce.

Popcorn.

That's not all.

What the hell? I was just starting

to get comfortable with it.

Yeah. I noticed.

What is that supposed to mean?

It's important to get comfortable,

but not too comfortable.

So now I'm too comfortable?

Look, Dean, this is not a game.

We're gonna see some sh*t

we've never seen before.

Odd combos like

popcorn and dead bird...

...are gonna seem

like sugar and spice.

Just don't get too close.

Fine.

I love you too. Apology accepted.

Ready to see a fully

baby-proofed apartment?

It's called the Super Baby Mat.

It rolls right up and stores

right under the cupboard.

Hey, guys.

Check out the nursery.

This is really nice.

What the f*** is that?

That the f*** is the crib.

The safest place in the house.

Dean, a demonstration.

Look out!

See? Not a shard of glass

gets through.

Been doing some diaper training,

I see.

Yeah, that's Snickers.

Does not smell like Snickers.

No, Snickers is the name

of our neighbor's dog.

Hi.

I can't really talk right now.

Baby's sleeping.

It can hear me talking

through my chest cavity.

Really good to see you.

- Third trimester.

- Third trimester.

Looking good.

It's got all its fingers and toes.

Should be very happy.

I'll give you four a moment.

Hey, you guys wanna see how that

ice cream sandwich is progressing?

What is that?

I got this last week.

It's one of those temporary ones.

Just comes off after

a few laser sessions.

I'm walking into the apartment now.

I can still hear you.

- Great.

- Hey, Tara.

Hi from the car, Tara.

The inter-apartment

communication system is a go.

Roger that.

Tell her the news, good buddy.

Oh, yeah. Tara, great news.

The ultrasound went really well,

so we're going to a celebratory movie.

And Janine has offered to look

after Dad so you can come with us.

I have a book I want to finish.

Are you sure? I could hold your hand

on the way to and during the movie.

No. Just go.

Okay. Janine, looks like you back in.

Shall we?

I'm gonna use the bathroom.

I'll meet you down in the car.

Okay. Bye, Tara.

Bathroom's down the hall.

Yeah, I know. Look, I know you think

they're just a couple of losers.

That's what I thought too, but once

you know them, they're great guys.

And I know they do

some weird stuff sometimes...

Actually, all the time.

But their heart's in the right place.

So, what do you say?

Yeah.

Great. You'll go to the movie.

No, I meant, yeah, I think

they're just a couple of losers.

Okay.

Enjoy your book.

This is all about encouragement

and relaxation.

- Just do it with me.

- So partners, guide the mothers.

Help them focus.

- Faster, faster.

- Breathe together.

You gotta pace it up.

Don't listen to a word John says.

Keep it slower.

Shoot for one breath a minute.

Calm down. You heard the b*tch say

to relax. Calm the f*** down!

Do you have to swear, honey?

- Keep it slow.

- No, you f***ing it up.

Guys, this is not fair to a...

This is... Guys!

Cut that sh*t out!

Very good, guys. That was great.

That's our class.

I'll see you guys next week.

Thank you.

Hey, class?

Look who brought their new baby.

- Welcome back, guys.

- Thank you.

Hey everybody. This is Tyler.

- Any advice for the mothers-to-be?

- Get an epidural.

Gosh.

What can I say?

It's the most magical moment.

It's just wonderful. I mean,

the first time you see this little guy...

And it's like you're looking

at a little part of you, you know?

I'm sorry.

Every time I talk about it, I get...

It's just so powerful.

You will see.

So does anybody want to

meet this little fellow?

F*** it.

I'll meet that little motherf***er.

Guess I'll meet

the motherf***er. Sure.

- Should we? Think so?

- Yeah.

Honey, I'm gonna go get the car.

- Surprise!

- Surprise!

Ultrasound picture.

Thank you.

That's really sweet. Thank you.

No, thank you.

We are already

so attached to this baby.

And it's been inside you

eight months.

I can't imagine how attached

you must be at this point.

And in two weeks it's gonna be

taken from your body...

...and immediately placed

in our arms.

I can see why so many surrogates

wanna keep their babies.

And your body could stop

producing eggs or something.

That happens all the time.

And knowing there's

even a chance...

...this could be your only child,

and you're giving it to us?

Well, a framed picture of the

very precious thing you're giving up...

...is the least we could do. Thanks.

You know, I could stop by every now

and then and help out. I don't mind.

Oh, no, no.

You've done more than enough.

- We will take it from here.

- Your work is done. Thanks.

Okay.

Group hug?

John? What's the combination

to the fridge again?

You know, I was thinking maybe we

should put some locks on the locks.

In case the baby learns

the combination to the original locks.

Hey, look at this.

It's a letter from Janine!

That's nice of her.

Hand-delivered.

"Dear John and Dean,

I should start by saying...

...what great fathers

I think you're gonna be.

Never thought I'd say that

and mean it. " Hear that, Dad?

"After seeing your hard work

and dedication...

...I realize how badly you want it.

Unfortunately, last night you made me

realize just how badly I want it too.

It kills me to write this,

but I have decided to...

...keep the baby.

I hope one day you'll forgive me.

Janine. "

Oh, my God.

Let's get dressed, let's get dressed.

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