The Cable Guy Page #5

- Vagina.

She got vagina!

- I would have said "schlong".

- Now we're starting to get this!

The password is...

Nipple.

- Can I pass?

- Don't be a stick in the mud!

Breast.

Breast.

Tit?

Remember his clue.

Hard.

- Erection?

- No. But thanks for noticing.

- Your turn!

- Center.

Center.

- Center!

- Nipple?

- She got it!

- Mom.

The password is...

I'm not sure how to say this.

That little thing...

- I can't say that to my mother.

- She can handle it.

I won't do it. I've had enough!

- It's just skin, Steven.

- I don't want to do it any more!

- You're overreacting.

- No! He's fooling you all.

- He's a lunatic and a felon.

- Everybody just relax.

- We knew this would happen.

- Nothing is happening!

This is a safe place.

You're with people who love you.

- We love you.

- I hate you! Get out of my life!

- He's angry with me. I should go.

- No.

- You are being an a**hole.

- Do you see what's happening?

- You're hitting bottom.

- Stay away.

This is where the healing begins.

Come on.

Robin showed me her birthmark.

It's very sexy.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Thanks for the delightful evening.

I guess I'll be leaving now.

I forgive you. I only hope

my neurologist will feel the same.

- Did anybody notice I'm late?

- You've been here for an hour.

- Did anybody notice I'm late?

- You've been here for an hour.

HELLO STEVEN:

I'VE GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU

- How's Hal?

- The man has no vision.

It's like working for Mr. Magoo.

If only someone would dump him.

And those hair plugs...

- Hair plugs. Hair plugs...

- Oh, sh*t.

He's so pathetic.

I think I hate him. Hate him...

If only someone would dump him.

I... I don't hate you.

- Those hair plugs.

- Get out!

Chip!

This isn't funny!

Where are you?

If you build it, he will come.

- Hello?

- Bingo! "My Three Sons".

- Chip and Ernie Douglas.

- I have a list of ex-cable men.

Murray Slaughter.

George Jetson. Jean Luc Picard.

- Someone called the Big Ragoo.

- Carmine, from "Laverne & Shirley".

Anyway, the cable company in town

fired a guy six months ago.

His boss was Larry Tate,

from a show called "Bewitched".

- He's not with the cable company?

- Yahtzee!

They fired him for stalking

customers. You better lock up tight.

In the Sam Sweet Trial,

the jury is close to a verdict.

They will continue deliberating

into the evening hours.

The day started real nice,

but now the moisture is increasing.

We see thunderstorms...

Cable guy!

Cable guy!

Jesucristo!

Cable guy!

Okay, I'm going!

See you! Bye.

I just want to hang out!

No big deal!

- Hello?

- We could have been blood brothers.

But you're too needy.

It's a real turn-off. Ask Robin.

The cable company fired you.

Hold on.

I have a call waiting.

- I know it's you.

- Sorry. Where was I?

- Can't we work this out?

- I wish we could.

- I'm just so tired, Steven.

- Where are you?

I'd love to chat, but I'm

getting together with a lady friend.

- You might know her.

- Stay away from her!

- Robin!

- She just left with the cable guy!

Where were they going?

I heard him say they were taking

a ride on the information highway.

The future is now!

Soon every home will integrate their

television, phone and computer!

You'll be able to visit the Louvre,

or watch female mud wrestling.

You can shop from your home, or play

video games with someone in Vietnam.

I want to go home now.

I'm worried about Steven.

- Help!

- Robin!

Where are you?

- Steven!

- I'm coming!

- Help me!

- Hang on!

- Steven, look out!

- Yes, Steven! Look out!

"Dry land is not a myth!"

Kevin Costner, "Waterworld".

- Leave him alone!

- I saw that movie six times!

Isn't it funny

that we ended up like this?

You'll have to do

better than that, Steven.

My lisp is gone!

You stupid son-of-a-b*tch.

- Stop it! Steven!

- I'm coming!

The trouble with real life is,

there's no danger music.

Nice jump, Spiderman!

Steven called the fuzz!

Bad boys,

what you gonna do?

Skooch over just a tad.

Here comes our hero.

- It didn't have to be this way.

- What are you planning to do?

I don't really have a plan.

I'm going moment to moment now.

You have to admit,

it's a cool place for an ending.

- An ending to what?

- It's like "Golden Eye".

This isn't a movie!

This is reality!

This is the police! You're

trespassing in a restricted area!

I just wanted to be your friend...

...but I screwed it up.

- You are in a high - voltage area!

- What's that?

Come again?

You want me to quiet down

and chill out in front of the TV?

You were never there for me,

were you, Mother?

You expected Mike and Carol Brady

to raise me.

I'm the bastard son of Claire

Huxtable! I'm the lost Cunningham!

I learned the facts of life...

from watching "The Facts of Life"!

That's it.

That's what I have to do!

No. Don't do that!

- Let's go out and have a Heineken.

- Yeah!

I'm not thirsty any more.

See ya.

You're not going anywhere!

It's okay!

I understand my purpose now!

Don't do this. You just need help.

We all get lonely.

But I get really lonely.

Look at me!

- I'll be your pal. Just come on up!

- No. It's too late for me.

But there are a lot of cable boys

and girls who still have a chance!

Don't you understand, Steven?

Somebody has to kill the babysitter.

This is the moment we've been

waiting for. The jury is ready...

The jury has notified the judge

that they've reached a verdict.

- The moment of truth...

- Jacob Sweet has been found...

Help.

Preferred customer, my ass!

Squad 51. Man down.

Possible back injury.

We'll need an IV with D-5-W.

Check vital signs.

Prepare to defibrillate!

Wait!

You two will be just fine.

Take care of him, Robin.

He's good people.

You never told me your real name.

You still want to know my name?

It's... Ricardo.

Ricky Ricardo.

I'm just messing with you.

Let's go home.

Hang in there, pal!

You're going to make it, buddy!

- Am I really your buddy?

- Yeah, sure you are!

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