The Cable Guy Page #4

But I've got one for you.

Stay away from Robin.

She's taken.

A man was beaten in a restroom

by a bathroom attendant.

The victim is unable to speak, but

witnesses described the assailant.

Tonight on UPN:
The trial

that has captured the nation.

Everyone awaits the verdict,

but we're showing the movie now.

- Cry - baby.

- I love you.

- No, Sammy!

- Look who's crying now.

Eric Roberts is Sam and Stan Sweet

in "Brother Sweet Brother".

Parental discretion advised.

- Who is it?

- It's the cable guy!

My cable's fine.

I have an upgrade order

for one Robin Harris.

I didn't order that.

I guess you have a secret admirer.

- Is it a man named Steven?

- I can't say.

I promised Steven I wouldn't say.

Oh, look what I've done.

- You didn't hear it from me.

- Hold on.

- Male witches are the worst kind.

- He's not a witch.

That about does it.

My work is done.

That was hot up there.

- Are you a friend of Steven's?

- I'm proud to say that I am.

I recently installed his cable

and we just hit it off.

- Are you guys going out a lot?

- Not really.

That guy is devoted to you.

I shouldn't be telling you this...

...but he thinks

you're the cat's pajamas.

Did he say that?

Only every five minutes.

Frankly I'm sick of hearing it.

He's a good man.

He mentioned

that you've had some problems.

- It's a little complicated.

- It always is.

I asked a woman to marry me once.

She wanted to think about it.

We agreed to take some time apart.

You know...

give each other space.

She's no longer with us.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes you don't know

what you've got till it's gone.

Promise me you'll never

go bungee jumping in Mexico.

- I promise.

- Anyway...

I've said too much.

Thank you.

Cherish him, Robin.

Every hair on his head.

Excuse me.

- Hello.

- I love you.

Robin?

I love you, too.

That was so sweet of you.

- You didn't have to do that.

- I... I wanted to.

Giving me free cable. Only you

would do something like that.

I wanted to do something for you,

but you needed space, so...

Let's not make any more rules.

- Call me later if you're around.

- Sure, as soon as I get home.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Are you ready to rock?

- The concert. Oh, Jesus.

I think Robin and I

are getting back together.

So you're blowing me off again.

I won't put up with it any more.

- Can't you ask someone else to go?

- Maybe I'll take my cable guy.

I'll call you later...

Pretty smooth work.

I set them up, you knock them down.

- What?

- Robin. I got her back for you.

- How do you know about us?

- Free cable's an aphrodisiac.

- Don't mess around with my life.

- I wanted to make things up to you.

Do you want to catch a flick?

I appreciate

you helping me out with Robin.

Now I'll have to work extra hard

not to screw things up again.

You're a nice guy, but I just

don't have time for a new friend.

- What are you trying to say?

- I don't want to be your friend.

I appreciate your honesty.

You're a straight shooter.

- So you're all right?

- I'm a big boy.

It's no big deal.

Whatever.

- You're sure?

- Uh-huh. I'm fine.

- Robin Harris.

- Hey, it's Chip Douglas.

- Chip Douglas?

- The cable guy.

- What's up?

- I'm worried about Steven.

- What is it?

- He doesn't seem like himself.

- Have you noticed anything?

- No. Things are going really well.

Good.

That makes me feel better.

- Should I be worried?

- No. Maybe I'm being too nervous.

Let's just keep our eyes open.

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

Stevie, you did it, man.

You put our cajones on the table

and you slam-dunked it.

Way to go. Now they'll probably

give him my job.

- On to the next order of business.

- Steven, I need to talk to you.

We have to find an architect.

- I need to talk to you.

- It shall wait.

- Is there a Steven Kovacs here?

- Yeah. What's the problem?

You're under arrest

for receiving stolen property.

- I don't know anything about this.

- Do not speak until spoken to.

You have the right to remain silent.

- You have the right to an attorney.

- I didn't accept any stolen goods.

Deluxe karaoke machine.

Big - screen TV...

Cream his pants...

I can't believe you did this.

He gave you a big-screen TV

and a hi-fi system as a present?

- I swear it's true.

- Why would you accept such gifts?

- I don't know.

- What's going on? Are you on pot?

I didn't do anything!

Just call my cable guy.

Nobody named Chip Douglas

works for the cable company.

- This can't be happening.

- It's killing your mother.

- When can you get me out?

- There'll be no bail hearing today.

You have to spend the weekend here.

Look at the pretty boy!

They call me the pumper.

I'll be your friend.

Lock down!

You hear anything?

I came as soon as I could.

- What's your real name?

- Larry Tate. That's not important.

We have to get you out of here.

I was watching Court TV.

I'll talk to the judge.

I'll put the system on trial!

- Why are you doing this to me?

- You did this to you.

- You set me up.

- No. I taught you a lesson.

I can be your friend or your enemy.

You seem to prefer the latter.

I'm just here to comfort you.

Touch it.

You need human contact.

I will not touch it.

- What are you doing?

- I know how you're feeling!

- Don't do that.

- I'm here for you!

Don't do that! You'll get me killed!

Oh, Billy.

I'm just messing with you.

Remember "Midnight Express"?

Oliver Stone won an Academy Award.

Awesome scene.

This is the man who framed me!

Hey Bernie,

how's that sports package?

Don't worry about Robin.

I'll take care of her.

- If you go near her, I'll kill you.

- That's it. Let's go!

This concludes our broadcast day.

Click.

- You've been blowing me off.

- This guy's doing a number on me.

- I told you to stay away from him.

- You said I could get free cable.

Did I tell you

to have a karaoke jam with him?

I'm out on bail.

I'll see if I can track him down.

What was his name?

Larry Tate. But at first he said

his name was Chip Douglas.

Chip Douglas?

That sounds familiar.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

- You're not fine.

- I just want to get this over with.

I hate visiting my parents.

Is this guy cool?

Just joking. Come in, you psycho.

- What is he doing here?

- I invited him.

- I invited him at lunch.

- At lunch?

- You look great.

- And you are a vision.

- You look rested.

- Come here.

- What's wrong? You seem weird.

- You had me sent to jail.

- I should take you to the police.

- You can if you like.

But I'd hate

to have to show Robin this.

- Bastard!

- Let's just have a good time.

Steven is carrying his battle axe

and chasing me...

So I say, "Hey, it's just a show!"

- He takes things too seriously.

- The guy almost took my head off.

Did never played Porno Password?

It's the adult version of the show.

Robin, you're on my team.

Steven... you're with Mom.

You're the judges.

Pick a word.

The password is...

Vagina.

- I really don't want to play.

- Come on, Steven.

Woman.

- Woman.

- Man?

Penis.

Penis.

- Penis.

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