The Cannonball Run Page #2

- The car will be there, correct?

- Yes, Mr. Compton.

Don't forget to cancel

the board meeting on Monday.

I'm going to spend a week

in Spain at the castle.

- Yes, Mr. Compton.

- I want you to find an old friend...

a Mr. Shakey Finch.

He is the finest long- distance

motorcycle rider in this nation.

- You got it?

- Yes, Mr. Compton.

Mr. Compton, the board has asked me

to express their concern one more time.

- Please reconsider.

- Not possible, Arthur.

The board will have to permit me

this one indulgence...

to my ego.

I've gotta be free

I've gotta be me

To live

Got to be free

- Boy, ain't he something?

- Are you kidding?

That is the dumbest thing I've seen

since that dimwit...

tried to jump the Grand Canyon.

He's still on our ass.

I don't think...

I don't think...

I don't think he's a brother either.

Don't you worry, son.

I'm gonna lose him up here at the motel.

Hey, I remember.

There's a spot...

There's a spot right in back...

and it's a perfect spot to hide.

All right. Wonderful, wonderful.

- Take... Take...

- Left.

Oh, hell. Take a left.

I can't see sh*t, can you?

No problem, son.

No problem.

What was that?

That's... That's... That's...

perfect.

That's better than hiding...

- That's better than hiding it out back.

- I know.

But the only problem

we got now...

is we have to go and retune it.

All right?

Let's go get a beer first.

Yeah, let's go get... Let's... Beer.

I'd like to thank Mona Carson

of Westport...

for that wonderful combination

of hemp sandwiches...

and wood chip consomme.

And now, the moment

you've all been waiting for.

This is a titty turn...

terrific turnout for the meeting.

- Yes, terrific.

- He led the campaign...

to ban the use of electric toothbrushes

during peak load hours.

I suppose you...

came here to hear me speak.

No, not really.

I'm into trees.

Trees.

Friends of Nature love trees,

you know...

so I come to the meetings.

That's very interesting.

I love anybody who loves trees.

They happen to be

a great passion of mine.

You know what I like

best about trees?

- No, what?

- That you can lie under them...

on a moonlit night

with the breeze blowing...

ball your brains out.

Mr. Arthur j. Foyt.

Mr. Foyt.

Give that sucker some juice.

The only thing hiding it...

hiding it... hiding it in the pool...

did was make it pretty.

It ain't running worth a sh*t.

And it's wet!

I know that. Just hit it

one more time, all right?

Hold it! Hold it!

I know what's wrong.

Don't think for a minute...

that we in Washington...

don't appreciate your Mothers' March...

to ban the sale

of colored toilet paper...

to help reduce irritation...

of the rectum.

But today...

I want to direct my remarks...

to an old...

and familiar enemy...

the automobile.

One more time.

Let me hear it.

It reminds me of a poem...

I wrote.

"The automobile, the automobile..."

Are you all right?

They picked on the wrong one

this time!

I guarantee

they're gonna pay for this...

because when the going gets tough,

the tough get going.

She's running good now, buddy.

I still think

we ought to paint it.

If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead

and Midasize it, all right?

There's the motel.

The Cannonballers have the parking lot

all jammed up.

Man, I can't handle this traffic.

Hold on to your lunch pail.

This may get a little weird.

Wait a minute.

Slow down!

You the one running this flea bag?

- Where are the hookers?

- What?

Hookers, man.

Where are the hookers?

Excuse me.

- Hello, Mad Dog.

- Hey,j.j.

You probably didn't realize this,

but the parking lot's outside.

Yeah, I know.

Brakes went out.

- You think you're the president?

- Well...

let me make one thing

perfectly clear.

We feel terrible about it.

And if they can't take a joke...

Thank goodness. We just had

a terrible accident.

We'd like to help you,

but we're off duty.

This man looks bad.

Maybe he's dead.

Then you should call the coroner.

J. J., he don't look too good.

- I think he just had his bell rung.

- Can't you do something?

You're professionals.

This is our day off.

Will you guys do something?

This man's life is hanging by a thread.

You have to be scientific. It could go

up the nostrils, affect the sinuses.

That's true.

There.

Don't bother about the bill.

Just give him

a couple of enemas...

and call me in the morning.

- Hi. How's it going?

- Perfect.

We'd like two singles.

J.j. McClure, Victor Prinzim.

I'll be in the bar.

I always like a couple drinks

right after surgery.

I wonder why that guy

parked his truck in the lobby.

Only in America.

Get me 12 suites.

- Better yet, the entire floor.

- Yes, sir.

Too much couscous.

I would sure as H

like to get my hands...

on those Hell's Angels

who were driving that truck.

But you know, it's probably

just as well...

because I am a wild bull

when I lose my temper.

I love wild bulls.

It's really funny that you should...

Oh, my God. It's them.

- "Them" who?

- Those Hell's Angels.

They could be part

of a terrorist group.

I don't know.

This place is filling up...

with some real hoodlums.

Do you see anything weird back there?

I'm gonna find out.

I don't understand why it's

so difficult for you to find a doctor.

It's very, very hard. It's not easy

finding a doctor to take off like that.

- Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house.

- You don't understand.

If you're going to win and you're

driving an ambulance, you need a doctor.

- What does Dr. Gay do?

- He's my shrink.

- He was committed yesterday.

- Why?

He was smoking bananas.

He gets very upset

when he talks to him.

So do I.

Sorry.

I don't want fruit in my drink.

Congratulations.

Here's to you.

Good luck.

You dumb shits.

They haven't got a chance.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna call the Greek

and put another 10,000 on us.

What about those two?

Maybe one of those beauties

could be our patient.

Both of them could be.

I could be very patient

with those patients.

They're very lick...

very likeable.

Tell you what. Let's go over there

and talk to them.

- Okay.

- I'll do all the talking.

You just think about the doctor.

- Good evening, ladies.

- Hello.

My name is j.j. McClure, and this is

Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant.

- Hi.

- I'll do the talking, Victor.

Terrorists, my dimpled ass.

These people make terrorists look like

the Sisters of Charity.

These guys are Cannonballers.

What is that, a bowling team?

As you probably know, we're

the favorites to win the Cannonball...

and I was wondering if one of you

or both of you...

might like to ride

in the winning vehicle.

That would be very exciting.

Exciting.

But we're Cannonballers ourselves,

thank you.

They're Cannonballers.

As for the winning vehicle...

we'll just have to wait and see.

You haven't seen our equipment.

Equipment?

Don't tell me your name.

Let me guess.

I'll just call you Beauty, okay?

That's nice.

Thank you.

Sit down.

Are you one of those volleyballers?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes