The Case of the Mukkinese Battle Horn Page #2
- Year:
- 1956
- 29 min
- 62 Views
Yes.
Hello! It's a report from
the police laboratory.
- Really, sir?
- Yes.
Let's see... Analysis of fluff
taken from night watchman's
trouser cuff.
Discovered were fragments
of wool, cotton,
fine ash from Turkish-type cigarette,
particles of dried mud
from a limestone district...
...and a quantity of low-grade
industrial soot or coal dust.
Really, sir? And what was
the analyst's conclusion?
This suit needs cleaning.
- God!
- File that will you Brown?
- At once, sir!
We interrupt our story to bring you
a word from mister Maurice Ponque.
My name is Maurice Ponque...
And I live in a little
log cabin in Piccadilly.
Last night, I left a burning
cigarette by my bedside
and the 'ole place was burned down.
my fire insurance ran out.
And we did not get a penny.
My, how we did laugh, heh-heh,
when we - heh-heh - heard about it.
Mister Ponque has nothing
to do with our story.
We thought you'd like to see
what a real idiot look like.
Six months later. The public
are pressing for an early arrest.
Assistant Commissioner,
Sir Jervis Fruit,
rings Superintendent Quilt
with an urgent inquiry.
Hello, Quilt. Have you a light?
A light? Certainly sir.
- Thank you.
- All right, sir.
Quilt, look, about this
Mukkinese Battle-Horn thing,
something must be done, you know.
Quilt, I want you to call at
every music shop and pawn shop,
masquerading as a musician, and
inquiring for a Mukkinese Battle-Horn.
Have you got that?
- Yes sir. Yes, yes.
Good. Whatever you do,
take every precaution,
and don't get yourself killed.
Oh, I don't know, though...
What was that?
What was that Brown?
Brown, what is that?
- It's a magnifying glass, sir!
Control, Brown, control!
A stone!
- With a message tied to it.
What does it say?
- Fred Smith, Window Repairer.
Fourteen A Hurley Street.
Why, that's fourteen A
Hurley Street's address!
Yes, and no more than
a stone's throw from here.
Yes sir.
Brown, we'll start our search there.
- Business must be good.
- Yes, sir.
Come on!
Puss, P*ssy, pussel, puss.
Kitty kitty ketchup.
Kitty! Kitty! P*ssy!
Come on out of there now
- Henryyy!
- What is... come...
- Henryyy!
- Come on, Tibbles.
- Henryyy!
- What is it Minnie, I...?
Henry, there is someone
knocking at the door.
What is... what is?
Dear, I can hear someone
knocking on the door.
Knicky, knacky, knocky at the door!
Minnie, I can't hear what you're
saying for that knocking noise!
Tell them to stop that knocking!
I can't hear you!
I think there's someone I'm not sure...
Would you mind not knocking
for a moment, please?
- Certainly.
- Thank you.
Now, what was it, Min?
- There's someone at the door, Henry.
No, no, there isn't Minnie.
- No, there isn't, is there, Henry.
- No, no, no...
Sorry Buddy, good night.
Good... Good night, Minnie.
Good night, Min.
It's all right, you can carry on now.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Henry!
- Now what is it?
There's someone
nicky-knocking at the door!
There's NOT a nicky-knocking
needle nardle noo!
Look, I'm telling you, there's...
Look, you stupid old cow, there's
no-one there, I'm telling you!
Aargh! Aargh!
You naughty old...
There's nobody there, I'm telling you.
Good evening. Won't you please come in?
Brown, this may be dangerous.
I want you to stick around here
and keep your eyes open.
- Right.
- Alright.
Don't forget, Brown.
Right.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
Uh, I'm think of taking up music
and I'm looking for a...
a Mukkinese Battle-Horn.
- You can't get them, you know.
- Why is that?
- You can't get the wood, you know.
- I see.
- Poor old Molly Gnasher.
- What about her?
She couldn't get the wood either.
Perhaps some other time.
Well, good night.
Good... good night.
Good night, mother.
Good night, darling.
Don't be late now.
Good heavens, sir! Isn't that the lady
you questioned at the museum?
I think we'll...
The mysterious blonde led Quilt
and sergeant Brown to Maxie's Club,
London's Underworld.
Brown? I want you to get a
message through to Scotland Yard
to say that we're coming
here and we want...
Yeah?
I haven't knocked yet.
- Sorry.
Yeah?
- Are you mister Maxie?
Such is my name.
I'm sorry to bother you, mister Such.
I am mister Maxie.
Then you weren't very long, were you?
We were wondering if we could
get into your club here.
You were wondering if you
could get into my club here?
- Yeah. - No. - Why not?
This is a specially-fitted,
reinforced, double-strength,
armour-plated door, and
nobody can get through it.
- Then how did you get in?
- Easy. I came through there.
Cunning, very cunning.
Anyone we know?
- No, sir.
- Brown?
- Yes, sir?
and see what clues you can find.
Very good, sir.
Oh, beauteous one. Oh, fairest
of the fair! Sublime siren!
Exquisite enchantress. What are
you doing in a low hovel like this?
I gotta make a living too, y'know!
Why, you're not a girl, you're a man!
I know that!
But don't tell the manager.
- Why not?
- We're engaged!
Wait, I see it all now.
You can't! I ain't taken
off the veils yet.
Ha, haaa, ahee, ahigh, ahoo!
Brown, where are you! Brown!
- Yes, sir?
- Brown, where are you?
- Where are you, sir?
- I'm behind this curtain, Brown.
- Good heavens, sir!
What a brilliant place to hide!
- Thank you, Brown.
- By the way, that dancer...
- Yes?
Wasn't that the man you
interrogated at the museum, sir?
Yes, and that's not all, Brown.
At last I begin to see
- What do you mean, sir?
- I'll show you. Waiter!
- Sir?
- Bring me the manager.
Somebody call?
Yes. This, first the night
watchman, and then...
Good heavens, sir!
The curator of the museum!
Yes! Alias Doppleganger Wormscrew,
head of an international ring of
Mukkinese Battle-Horn smugglers!
Curses! Unmasked! Waiter!
Be careful, sir!
This might be a devilish trick!
Gad! Minestrone!
And no salt!
Brown! Quick, Brown!
The eleventh hour but
nevertheless in the nick of time.
Bah! Outwitted by a neat
and audacious trick!
Enough. Come!
Stay at the tops sparrow.
Trich!
Passage!
When!
Good heavens! He's gone!
Hahaha!
- Touch!
- Three-ch!
Four-ch!
Fiend!
Brick!
Oh, blood! Oh!
There! That's put an end
to your nefarious activities.
Nothing can save you now. Not all the
king's horses, not all the king's men!
- Defend the King!
- Defend the King!
- Brown, help me!
- Excalibur!
Down with the Lurgi! Have at you!
I'm dying! I die!
I don't want to die!
- Brown?
- Yes, sir?
Who is this girl?
That's the producer's girlfriend, sir.
- What?
- You think I'm kidding?
- Have at you!
- Have at you!
But I've got to die! It's
in the script! I'm dying!
Oh, what a wonderful world we live in!
It's all rather confusing, really.
No, I don't! I want to live!
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"The Case of the Mukkinese Battle Horn" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_case_of_the_mukkinese_battle_horn_19896>.
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