The Cat from Outer Space Page #4

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- A prob...?

My entire capital is tied up

in my next paycheck.

- Then what's the alternative?

- l don't know what...

Hi.

- Traditionally known in horse racing...

- Oh, boy.

- What are you doing?

- Borrowing your TV.

Just bring me a beer and forget Im here.

Hi, Jake.

Link...

Wife's worked out

an equitable TV schedule.

The Peachtree Derby and the football

game's on your set, and the opera on mine.

- Can't you see Im busy?

- Doing what... playing with your pussycat?

- Link...

- Franklin, please.

Ive got a bundle bet on the Peachtree.

(softly) We've got problems to solve,

things to do.

What?

- Link, Im gonna have to ask you...

- Sshh!

They're at the post.

You want a peanut?

No.

- Come on, Sweet Jake. Let's go.

- Sweet Jake?

Yeah. Its a hunch bet.

100 on the nose at 15 to 1.

l tell you, if she comes in, tiger,

and Im gonna be 1500 in front,

and you'll be licking mackerel fillet.

Did you forget my beer or did l drink it

already? Never mind, Ill get it.

- Ill try to get rid of him.

- (softly) Wait a minute.

Did you hear what he said? lf Sweet Jake

finishes first, he wins $1500.

- So?

- So if Link can win $1500,

why can't we win 120,000?

No. Wait a minute. He just made a bet.

He could win 1500. it doesn't mean he will.

With me on his side, he will.

- Did you say something?

- Hmm? No, nothing.

OK, OK. Let's pipe down.

l got 100 big ones riding on this nag.

And they're off.

It's Denny's Doll breaking on top.

Attaboy Star.

Daddy's Poppa on the outside.

- Booky Baby on the rail and...

- Where's Sweet Jake?

Sweet Jake is still in the gate.

At the clubhouse turn. it's Denny's Doll

by half a length. Attaboy Star.

Sweet Jake is finally out of the gate.

Sweet Jake is moving.

He's way behind. but he's moving.

Uh-oh. I think he stopped to have lunch.

l don't believe this.

Eat on your own time!

See what l mean?

Sweet Jake! l should have bet

on the Metropolitan Opera.

It's Attaboy Star by a length.

Booky Baby. Denny's Doll and Seabottom.

Sweet Jake's finished eating

and started running.

And. ladies and gentlemen. is he running.

But not even Silky Sullivan

could come from this far behind.

It's Booky Baby taking the lead. Daddy's

Poppa moving into second. Attaboy Star.

And making up incredible ground

is Sweet Jake.

I have never seen anything like this.

But can he catch the pack?

At the top of the stretch. it's Booky Baby

in the lead. Daddy's Poppa.

And turning for home. it's Sweet Jake.

Come on, Jake. Come on.

Give him the whip, dummy.

Attaboy. Here we go.

Come on. Come on. Come on, Jake.

Attaway. Come on, Jake.

Come on. Come on, boy! That's it! Hot dog!

We got it! Yahoo!

Yeeha!

The story here today.

ladies and gentlemen. is Sweet Jake.

1500 smackeroos!

That calls for another beer.

- How about you? Im buying.

- No, thanks.

Oh, incidentally, Frank,

you could use another six-pack.

l got a feeling Im gonna murder them

on the football games.

Frank, that's the solution to the money.

- No, no. Its ridiculous. it won't work.

- Why won't it?

l don't know anything about placing a bet.

l wouldn't know where to go, what to do.

l gotta call Ernie with my football bets. The

Rams-Patriot game starts in 25 minutes.

- We'll have to take in another partner.

- Who?

- Him.

- Did you say something, Frank?

- Link? Do you think that's wise?

- What's wise? Who are you talking to?

Ask how many football games

we can bet on.

- Who are you talking to?

- Ask him!

- Its crazy.

- Buddy?

- Who?

- How many football games on TV today?

Three pro games.

East, Midwest, Far West. Who?

- Brief him.

- Have you got a tape machine going?

l don't think it's a good idea, but OK.

You know, Id say you

were talking to the cat.

l was.

Right.

Look, Frank, this can happen

to anybody in government service.

That's why they have staff psychiatrists.

- Link. Take a deep breath.

- OK.

- Remember that artichoke?

- Uh-huh.

Well, it all started when this spaceship...

- Spaceship?

- ...from another galaxy landed in a field.

Frank, let me get this straight, OK?

Now, you're trying to tell me that your

little pussycat came from another planet

from another galaxy in a spacecraft

and landed on Earth?

- Is that it?

- That's right.

- You're squeezing.

- See? You heard him talk.

Uh-huh. Look.

l mean, l don't know how you're doing

your little trick, you know.

But l gotta tell you something, it's dumb.

Very dumb. You know what Im gonna do?

Im gonna drink your last beer, watch three

football games on your television set,

and then Im going home,

because this is dumb, Frank. Real dumb.

Now, that's dumb.

Aw, Link, look.

Listen to me for one minute.

l don't want to hear it, Frank.

l don't want to hear it, Frank!

- OK?

- OK.

Thank you.

That does it, Frank! Im going home

and watch the Metropolitan Opera.

Oh, now, Link. We need your help.

Jake needs your help!

l don't want to hear about it!

You're the only person l know who knows

how to place a bet. l don't anything about...

What kind of a spaceship?

You're beautiful.

(phone rings)

You're down 200, sucker.

Would you like to double it?

Earnest Ernie's Sporting Club.

Weasel speaking. What's your pleasure?

Yeah. Give me four balls.

Ill double it.

- What do you say, Sarasota Slim?

- l say give him five.

The man says give him five.

You got it. Honest Harry holds.

Link, can you make it fast?

We got a hot one on the rotisserie.

- Can l trust him?

- Would a crook be named Honest Harry?

You wanna bet what?

Hold on.

- Hey, Ernie. Ernie, come here.

- Yeah.

Link wants to take his winnings from Sweet

Jake and parlay the three football games.

You're kidding?

A three-game parlay?

Yeah. Itll come to 120 G's if he makes it.

Its like taking candy from a baby, Weasel.

- He's down.

- You're down.

(man) Hold it right there.

General? General?

Fingerprints, sir. They found fingerprints.

On top of the hull, inside the cabin.

And they are the prints of a human being.

So whatever power brought this ship here

was aided by some disloyal American.

Gentlemen, we are dealing

with a collaborator.

l want the face that matches these prints.

Use the computer.

- Double pronto, sir.

- General!

General!

- Look at this. They found more.

- What in blazes is that?

Fine hair, sir.

The pilot was wearing a fur coat.

Even more important, we found tiny prints

in a claw-like pattern, like a pussycat's.

Pussycat? Why aren't l hearing some

tickety-tacks? What about the fingerprints?

- There's a printout about to come through.

- Sir.

What do you want me to do with this?

- Get it checked, sir.

- Coming through, sir.

(Stilton) ''ID - Wilson, Frank. Doctor.

Social Security, 631-07-0829.''

''1951 to '55. US Navy.

'55 to '62 Caltech.''

''Current employment, theoretician.'' ERL?!

- That's my Dr. Wilson!

- The scoundrel.

We'll have him in the slammer

within the hour.

And blow the whole ball game?

Gentlemen, we're after Mr. Big,

and this double-crossing fink is gonna

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