The Cat from Outer Space Page #5

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lead us to him. To find the rat, tail the cat.

- Cat?

- Its just an expression.

(football commentary on TV)

- Want a peanut, Jake?

- No, thanks. Ill wait till Frank gets back.

- The Rams still ahead?

- Ahead? The Rams won the game.

And without Jake's help.

Without your help, buddy.

Let's open the six-pack.

What will you have, Jake?

- Did you get some more of that tuna?

- Yeah, yeah. Coming right up.

(TV) There's the two-minute warning.

Oilers leading 21- 19. Houston driving.

- Another one in the bag.

- (knocking)

- Come in.

- Frank?

Uh-huh?

Hi. Lucybelle insisted on coming, too.

- Coming?

- Yeah, the picnic.

Oh, the picnic.

- Beer, Liz?

- No, thanks.

- Is something wrong?

- Uh...

(sneezes)

- Is his croup worse?

- Whose?

- Jake's.

- Oh.

Yeah. Right.

l was up all night.

- Really?

- Its gone into hyperzemia.

What's hyperzemia?

- Its what Jake's got.

- What did your doctor do for him?

- Gave him two aspirin.

- Two aspirin?

- What's that? What's happening, Frank?

- l don't know.

Two aspirin.

No wonder you're feeling worse.

- How did he get the ball?

- Interception.

- What this cat needs is some expert help.

- Get him.

- Dr. Wenger.

- Get him.

OK. Ill go get him.

Ill be right back.

(Frank) Get him.

Somebody tackle him.

- Hi, sweetie. Can l get you anything?

- (Link) OK. Out of bounds on the 30.

Jake, why didn't you do something?

And spoil everybody's fun?

Look, guys, there's plenty of time.

You've got terrific whiskers.

Jake, will you pay attention? They're within

field-goal range. lf they make it, we're sunk.

No problem. Believe me.

A little tuna, sweetheart?

Oh, Jake, concentrate, please.

The next few seconds could be crucial.

- Time out.

- (Liz) l appreciate it, Doctor.

At least you could have waited till

the game was over. l have $10 on Chicago.

- You've got it on. What's happening?

- Time out.

This is Dr. Wenger.

Dr. Wenger, here's the patient.

l definitely think he needs your attention.

All right.

- How did they get to the 30?

- (Link) Interception.

- Happened while we were in the elevator.

- (TV) ...or a field goal?

(Liz) What do you think?

- l think they should try for a field goal.

- About the cat.

Hmm? Oh, he's tense, he's very tense.

The shoulder muscles are all bunched up.

- Where do you want to examine him?

- Right here will be fine.

OK. Let me get this out of the way.

Also, let's, first thing, get this collar off.

Hey!

Good thinking, Chicago.

(TV) This year. he's never missed

inside the 35-yard line.

- Get through that line now.

- That guy can't kick a ball 60 yards.

- Block that kick. Block that kick.

- (meowing)

Will you calm down now?

Hold the cat, please.

Jake, you better do something.

- Where's his collar?

- Block that...

- Its right here, Frank.

- Huh?

- Give it to me, Liz. Give it to me.

- Frank, Im just gonna hold the...

- Im gonna give him a sedative.

- No, don't do that!

Frank, let go of the cat.

There's the snap. It's down.

The kick is up.

It's long enough.

It's straight enough. It's...

It's...

It's flat!

I've never seen anything like it. The ball

flattened out in midair. There's the gun.

- Jake?

- The Oilers have won it 21- 19.

l told you not to do that!

l only came here as a favor to a neighbor.

As a rule, l do not make house calls.

You sure picked a dumb time

to break your rule.

Dr. Link!

Look, Dr. Wenger, please forgive him.

He's a new cat-owner.

Jake. Jake, it's me, Jake.

Oh, Frank, we're finished.

He's blotto.

Well, look on the bright side.

San Diego could still win.

Yeah, and San Diego could still lose. And

where does that leave this poor little guy?

He's blown his rendezvous

and my 1500 clams.

That was very rude, Frank.

- Liz, butt out.

- What?

- Cancel the bet. Call Ernie.

- He'll never buy it.

- Look, what's going on here?

- Jake, we got problems. Speak to me.

Is everybody crazy?

The line is busy.

We'll never get through. He's taking bets.

- We'd better get down there.

- Like yesterday.

Just a minute, Frank.

l would like... No, l demand an explanation.

What's going on?

- Later, Liz.

- No. Now.

We have got exactly six minutes

before that game starts.

- Watch it, Link. Im a black belt.

- OK. We'll tell you in the elevator.

Remember that meeting we had with

Dr. Heffel and General Stilton at the ERL?

(Liz) Outer space?

- Frank Wilson, are you putting me on?

- No, no. Remember that artichoke?

Dydee One calling Hopscotch.

Come in, Big Cheese.

This is Big Cheese. Go ahead, Dydee One.

Do you still have contact with the subject?

Yes, sir. Also that garbage expert

and the dame from the car pool.

And they're all going into Earnest Ernie's

pool hall. Looks like a Mafia tie-in.

Mafia?

What kind of an operation

you running down there, Heffel?

Lucky! (laughs)

Really lucky.

Ernie? Ernie?

Excuse me. Ernie?

- Hi, Ernie.

- Well, look who's here. Hiya, Doc.

Uh, Ernie,

l wanna cancel my Chargers bet.

- You wanna cancel your Chargers bet?

- Yeah, cancel my Chargers bet.

Really? Why?

Oh, l don't know.

Just a hunch, sort of.

Hey, not a bad hunch.

The Chargers are ten points behind.

- Already?

- (cheering)

16, boss, 16.

Steelers just scored another one.

Sorry, Doc.

Is he taking a nap?

- Yeah.

- Is that TV picture still out?

Well, there goes 120,000.

1500 of which is mine.

- Isn't there anything you can do?

- Not while Jake is out. Jake, wake up.

- Is he breathing?

- He's snoring.

OK. OK. Isnt there anything else

we can bet on?

Yeah. Maybe we could get lucky.

Another football game?

- Next Sunday.

- Basketball?

- Tuesday night.

- Hockey?

- Hockey?

- Hockey.

Ernie, is there a hockey game today

that we could put a few bucks on?

Sorry.

Horse race?

Boxing?

- Demolition derby? Anything to get even.

- No.

But if you want a little action, there's always

my good friend Sarasota Slim.

- Sarasota Slim?

- Yes.

He indulges occasionally in a friendly pool

game with a slight wager on the side.

- Nothing doing.

- Why not?

- He's a hustler.

- Who isn't?

OK. Its a bet.

What are the odds?

You against Sarasota Slim?

- Right.

- Frank.

Because l want to give you a chance to

break even and because l like your style,

let's say 8 to 1.

That's all?

What about him?

- Me?

- Link?

Well, considering the shape he's in,

Id say maybe 10 to 1.

- Ohh. What about the lady?

- Me?

- Liz? - Considering the shape

she's in, 20 to 1.

- OK. You got a bet.

- Frank!

Arch, set 'em up.

Another sucker just swam into the net.

Frank, l don't know anything

about this game.

Are you bananas? That guy can make

a pool ball sit up and do the boogaloo.

l know, but Ive got the equalizer...

the collar.

- How are you gonna do that? Jake's out.

- Ive used it, to repair the spaceship.

- You?

- Yes. Ive flown.

Charlie, give me the special,

and heavy on the onions.

- Taking a nap?

- Yeah.

Throw in a few chili peppers, huh?

- Frank, l don't want to take the risk...

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