The Cat in the Hat Page #6

Synopsis: Conrad and Sally Walden (Spencer Breslin and Dakota Fanning) are home alone with their pet fish. It is raining outside, and there is nothing to do. Until The Cat in the Hat ('Mike Myers') walks in the front door. He introduces them to their imagination, and at first it's all fun and games, until things get out of hand, and The Cat must go, go, go, before their parents get back.
Director(s): Bo Welch
Production: Universal Pictures
  7 wins & 20 nominations.
 
IMDB:
3.8
Metacritic:
19
Rotten Tomatoes:
10%
PG
Year:
2003
82 min
$100,446,895
Website
25,473 Views


I don't think

we did anything.

The place is still a wreck.

You said if we shut the crate,

everything would be okay!

But it's not.

It's a complete disaster!

Well, what are you

gonna do?

Tennis, anyone?

Ooh!

Love that new ball smell.

Yeah.

- Hey, your hat... it's magic again?

- Oops.

Well, now that the cat's out of the bag,

to use an archaic

and cruel-sounding metaphor,

why don't you serve first?

You had your real hat

this whole time?

Uh-yup.

I planned the whole day.

- What do you mean,

you planned the whole day? All of it?

- Uh-yup.

- The house getting trashed?

- Uh-yup.

- Quinn taking Nevins?

- Uh-yup.

- Cutting off your tail?

- Uh-nope. No.

You even knew

I'd open the crate?

Why do you think I made it my one rule?

I knew you couldn't resist.

Now, who's up for a game

of Canadian doubles?

Cat, you said nothing bad

would happen.

Cat, you need to get out.

I don't know that game.

It's not a game.

None of this is a game!

- But I thought you two

wanted to have fun today.

- Look around, Cat.

You were right.

It's fun to have fun,

but you have to know how.

You don't know

when enough is enough.

Now, go!

Suzy.

Cromwell.

Please.

Out!

Out!

Good riddance!

Now, this may not be the time

for I told you so," but...

Like I said,

not the time.

I'll get the mop

and bucket.

Conrad, you might want

to get out of here until Mom

has a chance to calm down.

No. This was my fault.

I'll take the blame.

Look, Mom will be home any second.

Why don't you go upstairs?

I'm not going upstairs.

I'm staying with you.

Really? Why?

Two reasons.

One, the stairs are destroyed.

Two, this is just as much

my fault as yours.

We should share the blame.

Thanks, Sally.

By the way,

you're a pretty good brother.

Glad you think that.

Maybe we can room together

at military school.

Well, here goes.

@ Bet you thought I'd gone

Bet you felt a sting @

@Bet you never thought

I'd have another song to sing @

@ But now that you've learned your lesson

Allow me to blow your mind @

@ By reading to you the small print

of the contract that you signed @@

Okay, section eight,

article 93, subparagraph 834.

Right by the chili stain.

It reads, "If Conrad, a.k.a. Concrete,

should open the crate...

"and we know he will...

the contract shall be null and void.

"However,

if Sally and Conrad

should learn from their mistakes,

the contract shall be reinstated."

I think you two have satisfied

the legal burden of learning.

Yeah!

So there's just one last game to play.

It's called "Clean Up The House."

Kids, meet the Dynamic Industrial

Renovating Tractormajigger.

D-l-R-T?

That's right!

@It's getting better

all the time @

@I used to get mad

at my school @

Ta-da!

@ The teachers who taught me

weren't cool @

@ You're holding me down @

@ Turning me 'round @

@Filling me up

with your rules @

@Ooh-ooh @

@I've got to admit

it's getting better@

@Better@

@A little better

all the time @

@It can't get no worse @

@I have to admit

it's getting better@

@Better@

@A little better

since you've been mine @

- Hee-hee!

@Me used to be

an angry young man @

@Me hiding my head

in the sand @

@ You gave me the word

I finally heard @

@I'm doing the best

that I can, yeah @

@I've got to admit

it's getting better@

@Better@

@A little better

all the time @

@Can't get no worse @

@I have to admit

it's getting better@

@Better@

@It's getting better@

@Since you've been mine @

Oh, yeah!

@Getting so much better@

These drapes are so out,

@All the time @

they're in!

@It's getting better

all the time @

Yeah!

- @Better, better, better@

- Spin! Spin!

@It's getting better

all the time @

@Better, better, better@

Ooh! Ooh!

@I have to admit

it's getting better@

@A little better

all the time @

@It can't get no worse @

@ Yes, I admit

it's getting better@

- @It's getting better@

- Bye!

@Since you've been mine @

@Getting so much better

all the time @@

Okay, we had some good times.

We cleaned up the house.

We even managed to work in

an up-tempo pop tune for the sound track.

That's important.

I guess there's just one

last thing to check.

Huh?

Looks like everything's

in balance,

but you're still smoking

way too many cigars.

- And you... lay off the sauce!

Cat,

this day has been...

amazing.

Thank you, Cat.

For everything.

Conrad?

Sally?

Adieu.

Cat!

- Cat!

- Huh?

- Wait, Cat.

- Don't go!

Uh-oh!

All right, kids.

This place better not be a mess.

I'm... home?

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Mom.

Miss Walden, home so soon?

The children were angels.

- Thanks, Mrs. Kwan.

- Hello, Joan.

Lawrence, what happened to you?

They... happened to me.

Your demonic children.

They destroyed your house!

Uh...

The house was alive.

The wall was made of paper.

I fell off the cliff.

And the giant cat...

The giant cat!

Tell her.

Larry, Larry.

You look terrible,

and my mom

thinks you're insane.

This is what we in sales

call "a win-win scenario."

Joan, you are passing up

the opportunity of a lifetime.

You know what kind of kid

your boy is.

I mean, who are you

going to believe?

You're right. I do know

what kind of kid Conrad is.

He can be irresponsible.

Yes!

He makes bad choices.

Sometimes he makes me

want to tear my hair out.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

But he's a good kid,

and I believe in him.

Now, I'd like you

to leave.

Wha... Joan. Joan.

Joan. Joan.

Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan!

- Will you marry me, Joan?

Oh, Joan, Joan,

Joan, Joan.

Yes!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, that's nice.

Mr. Humberfloob?

Whoa-ho-ho!

Almost got me again.

Enjoy the party.

Mr. Humberfloob.

Joan, the party's a hit

and the house is immaculate.

Congratulations.

Miss Walden. Uh, Miss Walden.

Chicka-ow, chicka-ow,

chica-yee-haw!

Hi, Mom!

Honey, your cupcakes

are a huge hit.

What did you put in them?

Mom, you can make cupcakes

out of anything.

Are you telling me

you can make cupcakes

out of anything?

- Anything.

- Anything?

So what did you kids

do today, huh?

Well, what would you do

if your mother asked you?

The family was whole,

all thanks to the Cat,

who was dashing and charming,

no doubt about that.

He was witty and cultured...

and, well, very endearing...

and tremendously attractive,

but in a sort of real way.

You know, kind of

an approachable way that I think

you don't see these days...

Oh! Hello! I was just, uh...

I really should be going.

How'd they get so smart?

Oh, yeah!

Whoo!

Come on, Things!

Let's go!

What's on my schedule

for tomorrow?

What do you say

we go on vacation?

How 'bout Hawaii?

I like Hawaii.

I should warn you,

there are certain places that

don't allow certain Things.

Oh, Things are complicated.

Fixed By Pacman

Spellchecked, CC-ripped and re-fixed by lars

@ Things are getting weird

Things are getting tough @

@Nothing's making sense

but you keep on looking up @

@ They tell you to be true

You're trying every day @

@ To keep it on the real

Still you gotta find a way @

@ To make your mama happy

Rate this script:3.5 / 12 votes

Alec Berg

Alec Berg is an American comedy writer, best known as a writer for the sitcom Seinfeld. He also co-wrote the screenplays for the films The Cat in the Hat, EuroTrip and The Dictator. In addition, Berg is an executive producer of and has directed numerous episodes of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm, and also executive produces Silicon Valley and Barry.In the Seinfeld episode "The Face Painter," Berg's name is given to an attorney friend of Jerry's who gives Jerry some New York Rangers playoff tickets. When Jerry fails to thank Berg's character for the tickets, Berg does not offer Jerry tickets for another game that week. In that episode, Jerry jokes that Berg has a great "John Houseman name," pronouncing it jokingly in Houseman's accent. Berg is of Swedish descent. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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