The Cat in the Hat Page #5

there's nothing faster than SLOW.

That's backwards!

It makes no sense.

Look at you! Argh!

Okay, here we go.

G.P. S... check.

DVD, CD... check.

Someone from Czechoslovakia

is a... Czech.

Siren!

What are you...

What...

Siren?

Let's go!

Whoo-whoa-ho-ho!

Hi there!

How are you? Yeah!

@ I'm sending Conrad away @

- Oh! Oh!

Oh!

I can't believe you whizzed

on my taco!

Wait till Joan

gets a load of you!

- There they are!

- Red light, red light,

red light, red light!

Red light!

- Someone else should drive.

- All right. You win.

Concrete,

you drive.

Are you serious?

I don't know.

A little voice inside of me

is saying, "This is a bad idea,"

but I can barely hear

that little voice...

because an even louder

little voice is screaming,

"Let the 12-year-old drive!"

Now, punch it!

This is awesome!

- I want to drive.

- I think that's a great idea.

Wait!

Two people can't drive

at the same time.

You're right.

We should all drive.

- Cat! Where are the brakes?

- I'll get them.

I think there's something wrong

with your brakes. When's the

last time you had them checked?

Bad brake!

One-way street, one-way street,

one-way street, one-way street!

Hey, Rhode Island license plate.

You never see those.

Om. Om.

Air bag. Standard.

I think... I wet... my jar.

Can we do that again?

Hey, there he is!

Oh, no!

He's going into Mom's office!

Come on, Cat!

You know, Nevins,

when Joan finds out

you've escaped again,

Conrad will be moving out,

and I'll be moving in.

We've gotta get

Nevins and that lock back.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry.

I have three plans.

Plan "A":
"Mess up

a perfectly clean house."

Done that. Plan "B":

"Cut your losses and ditch the kids."

- That could work.

- What about that one?

Plan "C":
"Trick Mom's boyfriend

into handing over dog and lock."

I don't know.

I still like Plan "B."

- Cat!

- Okay, okay. Plan "C."

Look at you. Argh!

Excuse me, sir.

I'd like you to sign

my petition. Yeah.

Get out of my way,

you hippie freak.

Are you aware of the senseless,

wholesale slaughter...

of the flatulating,

acid-spitting Zumzizeroo?

What will it take

to get you out of my face?

Just sign my petition...

with this large, oversized pen

that requires two hands.

I see.

- Will you hold my dog?

- Yes!

Okay, I have a problem

with the word "dog."

I don't use the "D" word per se

'cause I think it's really, really wrong.

Yeah. But I will happily

hold your Canine-American.

- I'm more comfortable

with that really, yeah.

@ How much is that Canine-American

in the window @

Cat! Come on!

- Hey, what the...

Go, go, go!

Come back here!

I'm on to you kids!

- Nothing to see here.

Keep moving! Go!

Come on! Let's go.

Ah, get in, get in!

Come on, let's go.

Get in! Hi, hi.

Get in! Get in!

Look out below!

Oh! Sorry. Over there.

Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Ohh!

Oh!

I got you!

Here he comes!

Cat!

- Where's my hat? Oh! Go! Go, go!

Go! Let's go!

My tail, my tail.

Come on, Cat!

I'm walking here!

Joan. Joan!

- I think we lost him.

- Not the pocket. Not the pocket!

- We got the lock back.

Now let's get home.

- Relax, kid. I'm all over it.

Hey.

What's wrong?

This.

This is not my hat.

I must have picked up

the wrong hat back there.

- So?

- So...

without my hat,

I'm just your garden-variety

six-foot-tall talking cat.

Joan, your children

are running around town

like complete maniacs.

Yes, they are.

With some weird,

hairy man in a big hat.

Uh-huh.

You're gonna believe everything

I'm telling you once we get to

your house, okay? Come on.

We're doomed!

We're dead. This is all my fault.

I'm such an idiot.

Why do I always have to do

the opposite of what I'm supposed to?

Wait a second.

That's it! The opposite!

Hey, Things!

Don't help us!

Do not show up and help us

get home right now!

- We're goin' on a road trip!

- Larry's car?

How'd you get so smart?

So the race was on

to get back home first.

Hang on! We gotta beat

Mom and Quinn home!

But back at their home,

things were just getting worse.

There's Mom and Larry!

Step on it, Joan.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Oh, Things, do not do anything

to slow down my mom.

Slow down Mom!

Look, Joan, they don't

beat them every day.

Oh, great.

I'm sorry, Officer.

Was I speeding?

Mekka dekka license,

appa registration.

Mekka dekka,

you're one hot mama.

Hey, that's my car.

Joan, we better go right away!

Please let me handle this.

Sorry, I guess I was

in a hurry to get home.

- I'm not gonna let them

get away with this!

Meet me at the house!

Not so fast,

you little maggots!

Ha-ha!

Oh, you are so busted.

Now get inside.

You don't want to go in there.

It's going to be a total...

Aah!

What?

Sally, what happened?

What about the mother

of all messes?

I don't know.

Why am I sneezing?

That'd be me. Boo!

You're a giant...

Cat!

Judas Priest!

Ooh.

Mama mia.

What happened

to our house?

It's the mother

of all messes.

Yup!

Pure, unadulterated fun

without any good sense or judgment.

See, Corn Dog,

this is why I warned you...

not to open the crate.

- Although, on the plus side,

I think people will be

talking about tonight's party

for the rest of their lives.

- We gotta shut the crate! Come on!

- Okay.

Let's take the front hall carpet.

- This can't be the front hall.

- This is what happens when you

mix your world and my world.

Oh, and when you eat

bad shellfish.

Let's go! Oh, yeah!

Cat, how do we

find the crate?

Beats me.

This hat is worthless,

and it makes me look fat.

- Where's Mrs. Kwan?

- Oh-ho-ho!

Here she comes,

right on schedule.

- Oh, yeah!

- We're going to ride Mrs. Kwan?

Sure! It's the only way

to the crate. Hop on!

Oh, this is gonna be good!

Please keep your hands and feet

in the Kwan at all times!

Enjoy the ride!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the dining room. Ohh!

This is the dining room?

Hey, look.

Chandelier!

Is that the bathroom?

You might want to

hold it for a while.

Something like that

really burns my...

Aaah!

This is amazing!

It's like a ride

at an amusement park!

You mean, like at...

Universal Studios.

Cha-ching.

Whoa!

- Whoa!

Please exit the Kwan to your left.

Have a nice day!

This is ridiculous.

I have to get home.

Police brutality!

Illegal choke hold!

Where are we?

The living room,

I think.

Ah, man!

My eyes are closed.

If there's no line, could we

go back and do that again?

There's the crate!

Oh!

If we shut the crate,

the house will go back to normal.

You have the lock?

Got it!

Come on! Let's go!

Sally!

- Come on!

- It won't shut!

Sally! Everything

is disappearing up there!

- Help!

- Sally!

- Oh! Oh!

- Sal... Aaah!

- Help me, Conrad!

- Sally!

Help me!

I can't hold on!

Hang on!

Help me, Conrad!

Help!

Sally, I can't reach

the lock!

- No!

- I can't save you

unless you let go!

Okay.

Help me!

- Yes!

Ugh!

I did it!

I did it!

I did it! I did it!

I did it!

I did it! I did it!

Okay, "we" did it.

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