The Children Page #2

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It's too icy.

All right, all right.

Come on, race me

to the top of the hill.

Come, Paulie, leave that now.

Where are you?

We've just got to pick Danny up.

Lisa, Danny's, like, about five.

He's cute. And he

constantly wanders about.

Anyway, he's feeling sick.

We've got to cheer him up.

I've just had 24 hours

of nonversation. Just get here.

Don't pick me up at the house.

I'll meet you at the turnoff.

- You've got my map, right?

- Oh, sh*t.

Lisa.

Joke. We'll be there by 2:00 latest.

Why don't you go and f***

your horny uncle or something?

Whatever, baby raper.

Have you seen Jinxie?

Catching mice in the woods.

Fancy a go?

Exercise gives you cancer.

No adults in the tent!

I'm so sad I could fart.

Jinxie.

Jinxie.

Jinxie.

Mommy. Mommy.

Yes!

Oh, I must be the most

lax vegetarian ever.

I just thought the kids would love

a little second Christmas.

Oh, me too.

Does Robbie go to the city

much these days?

Once in a while, you know,

the new lot need his advice.

Does he stay over?

Not that often.

Where does he

usually stay?

Oh, Lainey, the milk.

Something smells good.

- Is Paulie okay?

- Yeah, I think so.

You two... you seem good.

Yeah, great.

We're gonna do

much more family stuff.

That's the New Year's

resolution I've made anyway.

Does Casey

help out much?

She bought

the Christmas presents.

Was I that much trouble?

Lainey, you were pregnant.

Picky.

Well, we didn't exactly

have the best role model.

I'm not doing

that bad a job, am I?

No, Lainey, no.

Okay, sorry.

Just promise you'll kill me

if I turn completely into Mom.

Okay, I promise.

You must know all about

Chinese medicine.

It's another internet scam

he's fallen for.

You know, you could help

Elaine and Chloe.

Have you ever heard

of feminism?

Has it got anything to do

with self-absorbed lazing around?

I'm gonna get you.

So, Robbie,

welcome to my office.

Thanks.

I've been talking

to these guys, right?

- Daddy.

- They import a lot of... hi, darling.

- a lot of the ingredients

from China.

And you know, it's already...

thank you.

It's already

a huge market.

You know that.

Okay, darling.

But they really think

it's gonna explode here.

The health service in this country,

right... it's a shambles.

When you go into hospital,

you've got one disease...

you come out

and you're fine.

And there's 50 new viruses, I think,

identified every year

and they're

spreading around.

Kids are especially...

TCM... that's traditional

Chinese medicine, Robbie,

not the TV channel...

is about to go ballistic.

Interesting side effects.

You're it.

I'll get you.

Yay!

Okay, come and get it.

Where's Paulie?

Hey.

Oh, Jesus.

Chloe, are you okay?

I'm fine.

- Paulie!

- Are you okay?

- It's just a graze.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Come here.

- Mommy!

Mommy!

It was an accident.

We don't hit kids here, Jonah.

- Mommy.

- It's okay. Daddy's not angry.

- Daddy is angry.

- Daddy.

- Who was looking after him?

- Where were you, Casey?

What did I do?

It's okay. Don't cry.

Don't cry.

I don't want to be here.

It's just a little quiet time

while we all get ready

for the party.

You're the oldest.

You have to be the mommy.

I feel sick, Mommy.

Then you should be

a good boy

and lie down properly.

They're being funny.

I don't like them.

If you help Leah

dress up for the party,

I might give you

another gold star.

Hmm?

Leah, come here.

Aw, sweetheart.

Stop it.

Can I have some?

Come on, it's not like

I've never had it.

Hey, Jim Morrison,

you're supposed to be an expert.

Jim Morrison?

It's a little bit last century.

Miranda and Paulie

are a nightmare.

Nah, they're just

testing boundaries,

like you.

What's that?

They don't know, you see.

You can't say.

It's a... it's a baby.

Didn't you know?

I'm the abortion that got away.

Hi.

Hey, carving time, eh?

I was just looking

for Miranda.

Oh, she's upstairs

with the other kids.

Happy nearly New Year!

Start, everybody.

Don't let it get cold.

Robbie, you got any pepper?

Did you do the roasting?

Make way. Here's for everyone.

I think Robbie is getting

pretty excited

- by my new business plan.

- Mommy.

I think it's

right up your street.

I think it'd be fun,

like a family business.

Let's talk about it later.

But you think there's

something in it.

It's your sort of thing,

isn't it?

- Bon app, everybody.

- Bon apptit.

Chloe, we could do, like,

a junior TCM thing.

Leah?

You know, like building

the kids' immunity

in natural ways instead of

all those dodgy...

- Leah.

- No no no.

Come on, no no no.

Go and sit down.

Sit down, come on.

Nicky, come on.

Jonah, I'm happy that you think

you've found a way

to make a fast buck,

but I don't know why you think

that we would want to be

involved in that...

illegally importing

rhino horn or tiger bone

to cure fatal conditions

like acne and impotence.

You do remember

what Chloe and I do for a living.

Is that a tattoo,

Casey?

Remember how you've always

wanted one, Lainey,

and Mom wouldn't let you?

Come on, eat something.

Show me.

Oh, that's lovely...

really, very seasonal.

It's just a self-portrait,

really...

you know, what might

have been.

Well, I think it's cool.

I feel sick.

Mommy, I feel sick.

No, you're not sick, sweetie.

You don't have to copy everything

that your cousins do.

Anyway, Miranda's

gonna eat something.

Miranda, eat some

dinner, please.

Just leave her.

- Now that's enough, Nicky.

- Oh, Jesus, come on.

Oy oy oy.

Give it a rest, will you?

What if I were to give Miranda

another gold star

for eating some of your peas, eh?

It's okay. I can handle it.

It's fine. It's fine.

Chloe.

Upstairs.

Just leave her. She's upset.

Come on, let's have

a playtime, eh?

Let's make an indoor igloo.

Come here.

- I want to play outside.

- Okay, we'll play outside.

Casey, do you want

to give me a hand, please?

- Everything's ruined.

- It's okay. Let me see.

Please just stop it.

What's the matter with you?

Who's gonna be the space man?

Who's gonna be the astronaut?

Me!

Who's gonna be

the adventurer?

Me!

Leah, come here.

Your coat's not

done up properly.

Here.

Better.

I'm glad you liked it anyway.

Let's just help your mom

and Chloe a bit, eh?

I've got to make a call.

Beep beep beep.

Beep beep beep.

All right, I'm coming,

I'm coming.

I'm so sorry.

Maybe she's ill.

I thought Paulie was

a bit carsick last night,

but maybe he's

picked up a bug.

Great.

You bring them here

when they're sick.

You know how susceptible Leah is.

They're just kids, Chloe.

I mean, things go around.

It's just the way it is.

Sit down.

That's enough now.

Robbie!

Robbie. Robbie.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, Robbie.

Get the children

inside, please.

Get the children inside.

Lainey.

Come here, darling.

It's all right.

Oh, sh*t.

What the f*** is happening?

- Emergency.

- Ambulance, please.

It's all right. It's all right.

Listen to me.

Sit up there for one second.

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