The Chocolate War Page #2

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Influence.

I'm not a class officer.

I'm not a member of the student council.

I didn't even make the honor roll.

You know what I mean.

I know what you mean.

You'll help, then?

I'll ask them.

The Vigils will help.

I'm sorry, I have no idea

what you're talking about.

Your name is Roland Goubert?

Yes.

They call you The Goober?

Yeah.

'Yes,' what?

Yes, sir.

Know why you're here, Goober?

Yes, sir.

Well, if you know,

then tell me why you're here.

Tell me why you're here!

For an assignment.

Now, you realize that there's nothing

personal in the assignments,

that it is tradition here at Trinity,

and that you must pledge silence?

Yes, sir.

Goober?

Yes, sir?

Know what a screwdriver is?

Yes, sir.

Can you get one?

- Yes, sir. My father, he has one.

- Fine.

You know what they use

screwdrivers for, Goober?

Yes, sir.

What?

You know, to screw things.

- I mean, to put screws into things.

- Right.

Now, do you know where

Brother Eugene's homeroom is located?

Yeah, it's Room 19, on the second floor.

Very good.

Next Thursday,

you'll make arrangements to be free.

Afternoons, evenings,

all night if necessary.

The school will be deserted.

There'll be no one here

after 3:
00 in the afternoon.

No one but you

and your little screwdriver, Goober.

And here's what you do.

You loosen.

- Loosen?

- Loosen.

You see, everything in Brother Eugene's

homeroom is held together by screws.

The chairs, the desks, the blackboard.

And with your screwdriver,

you start to loosen.

Don't take the screws out, just loosen

them till they're ready to fall out.

They're hanging by a thread.

Jeez, that's gonna take a lot of work.

You know, there's a lot of

desks and chairs in there.

You'll have all night.

And we guarantee that you won't be disturbed.

Well,

about Brother Eugene...

You know, he's a pretty sad guy,

you know?

Thursday.

One more little tradition

we have here at Trinity.

Six marbles. Five white, one black.

The assigner picks one. If the marble's

white, the assignment stands.

If it's black...

Why don't you tell him, Arch?

I have to carry out the assignment myself.

Just our way of keeping the assigner

under control.

Ready?

Ready.

Don't worry, kid.

It's been a year and a month.

I ain't missed yet.

Ladies, we're adjourned.

And you'll see the chocolates

being loaded in, and you say,

'Oh, oh, here comes

Trinity's chocolate sale again.'

Well, this is more than a sale.

It is a crusade.

Yes, the quota is doubled this year

because we have more at stake

this year than ever before.

Each boy must sell 50 boxes.

And I know that each boy

is willing to do his share.

More than his share.

I promise you, gentlemen,

that before this sale is ended

each one of you will have the number 50

inscribed on that final box,

signifying that he did his part for Trinity.

You think, think, just think,

think of school spirit.

- Think of the spirit that is Trinity.

- Christ, Archie.

The brotherhood of Trinity.

You know we never get involved

in this kind of stuff.

You don't get it, do you?

That's how powerful we've become.

Official recognition.

So just sit back

and let some pretty little freshman

sell your chocolates for you.

Christ, they'll think it's a goddamn honor,

selling for the President of the Vigils.

But Trinity is struggling these days.

Leon needs us.

But you can help save Trinity.

Hey, Goober.

Who's there?

How's it going?

- It's going kind of slow.

- Yeah?

Need some help?

- That'd be nice.

- Yeah?

Now, listen, Goober.

The assignment is more important

than anything. Understand?

More important than you, me

or the school. You got that?

And that's why we're here,

to make sure the job gets done right.

And you listen to me, Goober.

You tell anyone about this,

and you are through at Trinity.

You got it?

Okay.

Let's get to work.

You.

Didn't I tell you

I wanted everything to go smoothly?

No incidents?

I didn't do anything.

And I didn't promise anything...

I am in charge here now.

The entire school is my responsibility.

Don't ever forget that, not for a second.

Help clean up the mess.

Hey, d*ckhead.

Good play.

Hey, Renault.

We just might make a quarterback

out of you yet,

you skinny son of a b*tch.

- Bailey?

- Yes.

- Crane?

- Yes.

- Devlin?

- Of course, boss.

- Farley?

- Yes.

Goubert?

Goubert?

- Oh, I'm... Yeah.

- 'Yes.'

You don't seem to be with us today,

Goubert, at least not in spirit.

I'm sorry, Brother Leon.

Let me remind you that this is a project

by the students for the students.

- This is your sale, your project.

- Yes, Brother Leon.

Good. Then you accept?

Of course, Brother Leon.

- Hartnett?

- Yes.

- And Johnson?

- Why not?

- McClosky?

- Sure.

- Perkins?

- Yes.

Renault?

Renault?

You are here, aren't you, Renault?

It's the last call. Renault?

No.

What?

No.

You did say no, Renault?

Yes.

Now, let me make this clear.

'Yes,' means that,

like every other student in this school,

you agree to sell 50 boxes of chocolates.

'No'... And let me point out

that Trinity forces

no one to participate against his wishes.

That is the great glory of Trinity.

'No,' means that you don't want

to sell the chocolates.

So now, what is your answer? Yes or no?

No.

- Santucci?

- Of course, sir.

- Tessier?

- Yes, sir.

- Williams?

- Yes, sir.

Well, you may pick up your chocolates

in the gym, gentlemen.

Those of you who are true sons

of Trinity, that is.

Those of you who are not, I pity you.

Class dismissed.

Hey, Jerry.

Look, Goob, I know what you're gonna ask me.

I don't wanna talk about it. I'm sorry.

So, how is it going, Mr. Treasurer?

Not great, sir.

Sales are definitely off from last year.

What are the figures?

Where were we last year at this point?

About 4,400.

Tomorrow, you put out a report to all homerooms

that we've just passed 5,000 boxes sold.

It's a new speed record.

You see, we'll get them excited

one way or the other.

- So, Archie.

- Yeah?

You still got the picture or what?

What picture?

You know what picture.

Oh, that picture.

Yes, Emile, I still have it.

- I don't suppose it's for sale.

- No, not for sale.

To tell you the truth, it's not

the greatest picture of you, anyway.

You got this funny look on your face,

but you're not smiling or anything.

Where do you keep the picture, Archie?

It's safe, Emile.

Very safe.

That's good.

Tell you what, Emile.

Someday, you might have that picture

all for yourself.

How?

You won't have to buy it.

What's the catch?

Nothing you can't handle when the time comes.

You let me know

when the time comes, all right, Archie?

You'll be the first to know.

Emile, if you're gonna jack off in the toilet,

you should at least close the door.

Hey, kid,

I'm all out of cigarettes.

What I'd like, kid, is for you to go over

to Baker's, and you buy me a pack.

What's the matter?

You ain't got the money?

You don't wanna be late, huh?

That's life, kid.

Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.

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