The Chumscrubber

This was the best

of all possible worlds.

But even here,

a little help was necessary.

And that's where

Troy came in.

Troy supplied feel-good pills

to all the kids at Hillside.

And, in this way,

happiness was spread all around.

Life could not possibly

be any more wonderful.

Lainie, listen, do you feel

like something's missing?

Has your energy level

been noticeably low lately?

Believe me, I know.

Lainie, believe me. Yes.

Right. So if you would

choose at this time

to upgrade to the

full platinum package,

you would start to see

the changes that I'm talking about.

No. No, I don't want you

to think of these as vitamins.

- Son of a b*tch.

- Charlie!

I am doing VeggiForce.

- Level three.

- Yes!

Oh, absolutely.

Lainie, can I...?

Can I tell you, it has

completely changed my life?

You see?

It has given me

an entirely new life system.

Good for you, Lainie.

Good for you! I'm so happy.

Oh, Dean, hello.

It's wonderful to see you.

Troy's out back

in his little hideaway.

Dean, do me a favor.

Get him to turn his stereo

down a bit?

- Sure.

- Great. Thanks so much.

Troy?

Goodbye, Dean.

Goodbye, Mrs. Johnson.

Dean, I was hoping

to get your opinion on something.

Can you come in here

for a minute?

It'll just take one second.

Publisher sent this over.

It's for promotional events.

Book signings, lectures...

...TV.

You got a good eye.

What do you think? Is it too much?

What do you want, Dad?

Let's have a seat.

I want to talk to you about Troy.

- I told you everything already.

- You told us the facts.

We're interested in

how you feel about it.

- Dad, who's we?

- Your mother and I, of course.

And...

A lot of people.

You threw us all for a loop there, pal.

Hold on a second.

Is this a therapy session?

- Is that what you're doing?

- No, not at all.

- You think I'm crazy?

- Of course not, Dean.

We're just talking here.

Man to man.

- Just talking?

- Absolutely.

Man to man?

OK.

Dean, I know Troy

was your best friend.

Actually, we weren't really friends.

We hung out sometimes, that's all.

Did you have a

better friend than him?

I don't really have any friends, Dad.

You know that.

So, strictly speaking,

Troy was your best friend.

And how do you feel

about the suicide

of your best friend

in the world?

Real shitty.

Come on, son,

make an effort for me.

Dad, I told you before.

I'm not all broken up about it.

I know I'm supposed to be.

I'm just not.

You're really not?

- No, I'm sorry...

- No, no. I...

I understand how someone

might respond like that.

What are you writing?

Dad, I thought we were just

talking man to man here.

Just one second.

Dad, if you write about me again

in another one of your stupid books,

I'm gonna kill you.

Stupid?

There are several major book

chains around this country

- that would disagree with you.

- All right.

The Happy Accident

will pay your college tuition.

- All right!

- Fine.

Let me ask you this.

Mrs. Johnson suspects that Troy

might have been selling drugs

to some of the kids at school.

- Yeah?

- How do you feel about that?

I feel then it must have

been unfulfilling for him.

That's very interesting.

Why do you say that?

Because he killed himself.

Dean, a young life was taken,

and from the moment it happened,

you ignored it like it was nothing.

You didn't even tell

any of the adults at the party.

- Can you explain?

- I didn't think you would...

- What?

- ...care!

This is called Viloprex.

Now, don't fight me on this,

I prescribe this to lots of kids.

You want me to take that?

It's just something

to give you a little...

...balance.

OK, let me have it.

OK. Wonderful.

CAREFREE LlVlNG

HlLLSlDE COMMUNlTlES

Lee, can I get some

by the end of the day?

Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

Lee. My dad's coming

to visit this weekend.

I understand, but our supply

is a little low right now.

Prozac, Haldol, it doesn't matter.

Anything to get me through till Monday.

- I'm almost out of Ritalin.

- Ritalin.

I gotta check.

I don't know if we have it.

I still got a few left.

- He's here all weekend.

- I'll see what I can do, man.

Got any Vicodin?

Hey! Psycho!

What happened to your boyfriend?

Come on, he's all tied up

and waiting for you, Dean.

Don't ignore me, Dean.

Don't ignore me!

Don't ignore me.

Here it is, Mrs. Bratley,

with all the changes,

exactly as you ordered.

I lowered the neckline

just a touch.

The crystal beading,

a special-order item,

but we have to talk

about that later.

The buttons,

which are covered...

Well, it's wonderful.

It's absolutely wonderful.

Michael.

Michael.

Oh... yes.

I can see

the changes this time.

It's just really... It's amazing.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

We had to put a lot of projects on hold,

but that's OK,

because I think it's really...

Michael, you didn't even look.

Anyway, the fit

will be exactly the same.

So, if you like,

I can ring it up for you now.

Can I see the veil

and the dress together?

Can I do that? Can I see

the two of them together?

I don't know that we can do

any more alterations before Sunday.

I just want to see

the two of them together.

I don't think

I'm being unreasonable.

Of course.

You all right?

I mean, after what

Billy did this morning?

It's fine. I don't care.

- I'm Crystal.

- I know.

Everyone knows who you are.

You don't like

to talk much, do you?

Or is it just that you

don't like talking to me?

What do you want?

I just want to say

I'm sorry, that's all.

- Oh, you were a part of that?

- No, but they're my friends.

- The guys who did it.

- Nice friends you have.

Well, better to

have no friends at all?

Honestly? Yeah.

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

You know that's why you

get so much sh*t, right?

The way you act like

you're smarter than everyone.

Well, I don't torment

people I don't know.

- I thought you said you didn't care.

- I'm talking about Troy.

Since you can't apologize

to him for this morning,

I guess apologizing to me

is enough to make yourself

feel better, right?

You know what?

I was really wrong.

You're definitely

not smarter than us.

And why is that?

Because Troy was my friend.

How'd you know Troy?

Are you apologizing to me now?

No.

You really don't care

what people think, do you?

No.

- That's a nice trick.

- Thanks.

I studied in the far East.

Maybe you could

show me how it's done.

Step one:

years of ridicule.

What if I start

by sitting next to you?

It's probably not a good idea.

I'll take my chances.

- How do you eat that stuff?

- This?

Pretty much in the standard way.

You know, if I ate that every day,

I'd have a big, fat ass.

Is that your greatest fear?

No, but...

... it's my mom's greatest wish.

- That you be fat?

- No. Just fatter than her, anyway.

Sounds healthy.

Is it true that you found Troy?

- Why?

- I'm just...

- ...wondering what really happened.

- Just wondering?

You want me to tell you

a bunch of gory details, is that it?

It's impossible

trying to talk to you.

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