The Chumscrubber Page #6

- I don't know...

- Why don't you know? Is he missing?

- No, he's not missing!

- Where is he?

- He is just out gallivanting.

Gosh, darn it, honey,

you pierced his dorsal.

Let's see some f***in' blood, already.

I probably would've been with some

football player, if I hadn't met you.

And I guess I just want to thank you

for keeping it interesting for me.

It's definitely not the usual thing.

Who wants that, right?

What the f***

are you talking about?

Let's just stop, Billy.

Let's just quit this thing with Charlie,

forget about the pills.

And everything. Let's just stop.

OK?

It's over.

Sit down!

Guess it doesn't matter what you think.

Lee.

Good. Sit right down,

what can I get you?

Charlie, Bill!

It's getting cold.

Good morning.

Do you think that's appropriate

for a memorial service?

I think I'll shoot on over

to the wedding instead.

What are you talking about?

I covered death

extensively in my first two books.

I've done grieving to death.

Maybe I'll get a few insights

at the wedding.

Multiple marriage couples.

Gotta be a new book in there.

How is it going to look

if we don't go to the memorial?

If it means that much,

you go ahead and go.

We should all go

together as a family.

I understand your feelings. Maybe

you could make the same effort for me.

Dean, it looks like

you have a choice to make.

The wedding with him

or the memorial with me.

Dean, it's your decision,

him or me.

I think it's best

if he stayed home today.

He can make up his mind.

He's practically an adult.

As a therapist, it's my opinion

that he should avoid anything upsetting.

As a mother, it's f***ing important he

learn how to function in the real world.

I'm not going to get into an argument

with you now.

Let's not argue.

Let's sit down and have a meal together.

- Hello?

- Hi, is Dean here?

- It's for school.

- Well, go ahead then.

He's up the stairs

at the end of the hall.

Could you do me a favor?

Would you get him to turn down his

stereo down a bit? Thanks so much.

Crystal, come on in.

Dean, I need your help.

- It's Troy, look, Troy's back.

- That's not funny.

Crystal, you remember Troy?

You guys were friends, right?

She wasn't my friend.

Is that what she said?

Oh, Troy says

you guys weren't friends.

Dean, there's nobody here.

Tell her to f*** off.

I don't think Troy wants

to see you right now.

Troy is dead.

I mean, he killed himself.

No, no, no. He's back.

He's not dead.

- Troy, tell her you're not dead.

- I am not dead.

You see, Crystal?

But who could call this a life?

Here we go.

- Troy?

- Dean, stop it.

What do you want?

Look, this wasn't my fault, OK?

He didn't even tell me, OK?

He was my best friend,

and he didn't even tell me

he was gonna kill himself.

I could've stopped him.

I wish I could've stopped him.

I'm sorry.

Charlie's gonna get hurt.

Nobody else cares.

- We become adults.

- OK.

And as adults, we formulate a plan.

This is what I need

in order to be happy,

or this is what I will struggle

and sacrifice and bleed for.

But what we really need

to do is stop struggling

and recognize that there

is a greater plan for us all.

- Is it really that easy?

- It's so clear to me, Jerri.

What we've been searching

for is right there,

staring us in the face.

We just have to reach out and grab it.

Hello.

Dr. Bill Stiffle?

In my home?

Is this really possible?

Yes, yes.

I see that you are

familiar with my work.

I just want you to know

that none of this would have

been possible without you.

Whoa! What the hell's

going on here?

If they find him,

they know we kidnapped him!

If they know we kidnapped him,

our lives are ruined.

- We go to prison.

- What do you want to do?

- I'm gonna kill him?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna f***ing kill you!

Get him, Lee!

Kill him!

Yeah, motherf***er!

- He won't die!

- You are such a p*ssy.

He's stronger than he looks.

You do it, then.

No f***ing way, Lee.

Here.

Take it.

What if he tries to grab

the knife away from me?

- Just f***ing stab him quick.

- Like where?

- Stab him in the f***ing stomach.

- He's gonna bleed all over the floor.

- Who f***ing cares! Do it!

- Shut up!

Come on, you little p*ssy. Do it!

- Don't push me.

- Stab him. F***ing kill him!

- Oh, sh*t!

- You stabbed me in the stomach!

I did it. I did it, Billy.

- Is it deep?

- Is it deep, Charlie?

F*** you!

- It isn't deep.

- Well, f***ing pardon me!

Do it again!

Come on, man! Do it!

- Do it again, Lee. Do it, man!

- Shut up!

Get him! Do it!

Holy sh*t!

- Let go of the knife.

- F***ing stab him again!

- Let go!

- Stab him!

- F***ing kill him.

- What are you doing!

My eye!

Oh, sh*t!

Help!

Help me!

Gonna kill you!

Gonna f***ing kill you!

Wait. Charlie, hold on.

Yeah, it's not my fault.

It's not like I wanted to do this.

Charlie, it's over.

- Get out of the way.

- Give me the knife.

Get the hell out of the way.

Don't ignore me, Charlie.

I want to help you.

Does it look like I need

your f***ing help?

My eye!

Help!

Somebody help me!

I can't see!

Somebody help me!

Somebody help me!

I'm blind!

Help me!

Somebody help me!

Twin engine P-38 Lightning.

My God! Where the hell

have you been?

- What happened to you?

- I was kidnapped, Dad.

Oh, my God, you're bleeding!

Are you OK?

No, he's not OK.

He just told me he was kidnapped.

- You didn't even know.

- Don't try to blame this on me.

- Michael.

- What kind of father are you?

- I'm a good father.

- I'm a good mother. That's right.

It's my fault.

I know it is.

I didn't even know him.

I didn't know my own son.

Troy wanted to play guitar

in a rock band.

Be famous.

But he knew he wasn't any good.

And he felt stupid

for wishing that.

He had a crush on this girl

since he was 13...

...that he never talked to.

But he probably

wished he would've.

He liked you.

But he felt sorry for you and...

...he was afraid

that he'd be like his dad.

He was really, really smart.

But he kept all

his ideas to himself,

unless you asked.

And he took great pictures of people

without them even knowing.

I miss him, you know?

He was my friend.

He was my best friend.

And I hate myself,

that I didn't even know

he was about to do this.

Thank you.

Lee explained how it happened.

He tried to be as helpful as he could.

Yes, ma'am. It was Billy's idea.

He said he'd kill me if I told anyone.

And so Billy learned not to be a bully.

Dr. Stiffle's book tour

kept him away.

Are there any questions?

Anything?

Anybody?

Mrs. Stiffle finally found a family

that truly appreciated her.

We are a part

of the VeggiForce family.

All of us together,

working for an entirely

new life system!

Terri got the worst of it.

I'm just asking you to have

the smallest amount of vision.

Her vision was never realized.

Please!

The mayor got out of politics for good.

Well, in terms

of the physical execution,

there's only one guiding principle

that I rely on,

and that's balance.

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