The Comebacks

Nothing is more inspiring

Than the tale of a sports hero.

But this story is

about the other guy...

The LOSER.

And as you'll see,

even failure has its champion.

His name?

Lambeau Fields.

To me, he's a hero,

An inspiration and a friend.

To the rest of the world,

He's the worst coach

in the history of sports.

Hey, Bill!

Buckner!

What?

What's a six-Letter word

For a tropical fruit?

Not now.

I'm thinking

it might be "banana"!

Zip it. Be quiet.

Could be "papaya"!

Fields, this is the World Series, man-

Are you crazy?

Slow roller down to first.

It gets through Buckner's legs!

The Mets win!

The Mets win!

It's "Papaya. "

Let's go!

Whoa!

That's on me.

Marco, come here.

Go tell Zidane, tell him I said...

Go tell him I said that.

Ta mere est une

vielle... terroriste.

I don't remember

saying "Chain-Smoking. "

Being labeled the biggest

loser in the history of mankind

Finally got

to old Coach Fields,

And he hit rock bottom.

Coach?

Freddie.

Good to see you.

My God,

I hardly recognized you.

I bought a new hat.

Nice.

It's good to see you, buddy.

I got a proposition for you.

All right.

Let's walk and talk.

I'm late for work.

Yeah.

Hey, Manuel, Javier,

Sanchez, Cornelio, new guy.

Hola, Coach.

They ride the horses.

Coach wasn't exactly coaching anymore.

His job was to help facilitate

The continuation of the noble

Seabiscuit lineage.

It was about helping out

Mother Nature.

To draw forth

the building blocks

Of the champion D.N.A. Which-

Aw, hell.

He was yanking off horses.

So, tell me about

this big offer of yours.

There's this small college

in Plainfolk, Texas-

Heartland State University.

It's got a beautiful campus

and awesome athletic program.

They need

a new head football coach.

Me go back to coaching?

Oh. Sorry.

Okay.

Listen, Coach...

You and me we've been

through wars together, right?

And no matter what anybody says,

I mean, you're one

of the best leaders ever.

It's time for you

to get back into coaching.

I appreciate it,

But I'm happy here.

For once in my life,

I'm proud of what I'm doing.

I said no!

No means no!

You know what no means.

Aah! You just finish yourself.

Aah!

Thanks anyway, buddy.

Good to see ya.

Uh, I shouldn't, 'cause,

you know...

I got a terrible cold.

Coming up on Fox Sports News,

Maria Sharapova battles

The mighty Venus Williams

at the Australian Open.

Here, Maria!

Smile! - Right here!

WOMAN:

Coach?

There you are.

Is something wrong?

Freddie Wiseman

came to see me today.

Told me about a coaching job.

College football.

But I said no.

I told him I'm out.

Sweetie...

Are you sure?

I mean, coaching

is in your blood.

Like-Like hepatitis C or...

or traces of cocaine.

I don't know, Barb.

It would mean moving again.

You know, this house

is perfect for us.

Look at this den.

It's already filled

With sports memorabilia

and trophies.

You know,

it's not too late

For you to get

a trophy of your own.

That'd be something, wouldn't it?

Oh, come on.

Coaching is

a Fields family tradition

Like cockfighting

or identity theft.

That's true.

Maybe I will

give it another shot.

Yeah! You can't keep a legend

In the shadows for long.

Set!

Hut!

Honey...

Honey, honey,

Honey, um...

Just promise me that you

won't get so consumed by winning

That you completely forget

about this family.

What?!

Family comes first.

You know that.

Really?

And how many of Michelle's

Gymnastics meets

have you been to?

Michelle?

Your daughter.

Oh, of course, Michelle.

What the hell was that?

Your son.

Scruffy!

Jeffrey!

Well, someone's name is Scruffy.

Scruffy was your dog

when you were ten. I...

See, honey, this is exactly

what I'm talking about.

Hello.

Sorry, wrong number.

That was the police.

They're looking for the parents

of a girl named Michelle.

What?

Don't worry, sweetie.

We're gonna get through this.

Honey, that's not Michelle.

Michelle Fields,

You have been charged

with property damage,

Robbery, arson,

indecent exposure

And being

an insatiable cock tease.

That got a lot

of hits on YouTube.

Therefore,

I hereby sentence you to rejoin

The USA Gymnastics Team.

No!

Why would you do this to me?

Hey, Tommy B.

Yeah, Lawdog here.

Listen, I wanna put 50 grand

on the US womens gymnastic team

To win the gold in Beijing.

Thanks, buddy.

Oh, sh*t.

I have my reasons.

This is all your fault!

Oh, sweet Jesus.

How could this happen?

It's okay, Coach,

it's all right.

We'll get through this.

We're getting a ticket!

I knew that was

a loading zone!

So Coach took the job

At Heartland State and made

a promise to his family

That he wouldn't forget 'em.

- Wait! Wait a second!

- Dad, wait up!

- Dad!

- Coach!

#You take one down

You pass it around#

They settled in Plainfolk, Texas.

A sleepy little town,

So cozy that it didn't even

have a traffic light.

#No more bottles

of beer on the wall #

Coach Fields was

back in the game-

But this time, he really had

his work cut out for him.

Welcome to your

first practice, gentlemen.

Hope you're ready for the worst

six weeks of your life.

I'm gonna do things

to your bodies

That are cruel,

painful and unnatural.

I'm gonna ride your ass

Day and night.

I'm gonna make you bleed

From places that you've

never bled from before.

It's gonna hurt bad.

It's gonna hurt deep.

Then it's gonna start

to feel good.

Then it's gonna hurt again.

Now, I need to get this team

down to a 32-Man roster,

Which means some of you ladies

are gonna be cut.

Starting with you, you

- And you.

- Hey, Coach, we didn't even

Get a chance to play yet.

If there's one thing

I can spot, it's talent.

Coach, we're the only players

on this team who can play.

Wait, man, how do you

think you get these?

- Huh?

- EBay.

Maybe next year, guys.

Thanks for coming out.

All right, let's see if I've got

Anybody else out here

worth a damn.

Randy Randinger!

- Here, Coach.

- Where?

Right here, sir.

I'm ready to give it my all.

I'll do whatever it

takes to make this team.

Refill the waters,

get fresh towels...

Buff everyone's helmet.

Oh...

That helmet.

I thought you were talking

about something else.

Good. We got a towel boy.

Next-

Buddy Boy Jones!

All right! I got me

A big, mean son of a b*tch!

I wouldn't

hurt a fly, Coach.

Football is war, son.

You got to be a killer.

Ow!

I'm telling on you!

Next, ACL Tear!

It's pronounced "Aseel," sir.

Aseel Tare.

ACL Tear. Got it.

It says here you rushed for

a thousand yards last season.

Keep it up,

you could turn pro.

Hope so, Coach.

Nothing can hold you back.

Except an unforeseen

career-Ending injury.

What are the odds

of that happening, ACL Tear?

It's Aseel, sir. Aseel Tare.

Got it. ACL Tear.

Right there.

Is that a radio I hear?

No, that's just I Pod.

Whoa!

God, what a retarded

ass retard.

Hey!

I don't ever want

to hear that word again!

You're talking about a person,

A human being!

Come here, son.

He may be a

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes