The Coroner

EXT. THE ENGLISH CHANNEL. DAY 1. 07:05

GRAVELLE:

NSE UNDERTAKERS ASSISTANTS, NSE FUNERALGOERS

[TWO MILES OFFSHORE, A MOTORBOAT BOBS IN

WAVES. ON THE BACK IS A RAISED COFFIN

DRAPED IN A UNION JACK. AROUND IT STANDS

GRIEVING NSE FUNERALGOERS LISTENING TO

JOSEPH GRAVELLE (59), A CLIPPED MAN SURE

THAT UNDERTAKING NEED NOT BE

UNFASHIONABLE. FROM THE BOAT’S TINNY

SPEAKERS ELGAR’S “NIMROD” PLAYS AS

GRAVELLE READS A FEW LINES OF TENNYSON]

GRAVELLE:

…“But such a tide as moving seems asleep,

Too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep

Turns again home.”

[AN NSE FUNERALGOER WIPES HER EYE]

GRAVELLE:

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we now commit Margaret Crighton to the deep.

[TWO NSE UNDERTAKERS ASSISTANTS RAISE THE

FLAG-COVERED COFFIN SO THAT IT SLIDES INTO

THE SEA. THE UNION JACK REMAINS ABOARD. ONE

OF THE NSE FUNERALGOERS TAKES A WREATH OF

WHITE ROSES AND THROWS IT INTO THE SEA

AFTER THE SWIFTLY SINKING COFFIN]

GRAVELLE:

May she rest in peace.

[OUT ON FLOWERS FLOATING]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC3. EXT. GREYROCK POINT. DAY 1. 07:13

CLINT:

DOG:

[A SURFER PULLS HARD AGAINST THE WATER TO

CATCH A WAVE. HE SURFS IT BEAUTIFULLY

BEFORE SITTING BACK DOWN ON HIS BOARD.

JUST AS HE’S ABOUT TO KICK BACK INTO THE

DEEP, SOMETHING ON LAND CATCHES HIS EYE. ON

THE BEACH, A DOG IS SNIFFING AROUND A DEAD

BODY]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC4. EXT. GREYROCK POINT. BEACH. DAY 1. 07:15

CLINT:

DOG:

[THE SURFER RUNS THROUGH THE WASH, BOARD

UNDER ARM. THIS IS CLINT. THE SIGHT THAT

GREETS HIM MAKES HIM WRETCH; A NAKED DEAD

BODY, BLOATED BY DECOMPOSITION GASSES.

EVEN THE DOG IS REPULSED]

CLINT:

(TO DOG) Gross.

CUT TO:

TITLES:

EP2/SC5. INT. JUDITH’S HOUSE. KITCHEN. DAY 1. 07:44

JANE, BETH, JUDITH

[JANE’S ON THE PHONE TO CLINT WHILST BETH

AND JUDITH SIT AT THE KITCHEN TABLE. JUDITH’S

ENGROSSED IN A LINGERIE MAGAZINE AND BETH’S

SIMULTANEOUSLY SCROLLING THROUGH HER

PHONE, COMMENTING ON JUDITH’S CHOICES AND

EARWIGGING HER MOTHER’S CHAT]

JANE (ON PHONE):

And is Davey there yet? I’ll be over in fifteen can you hold tight?

[SHE POURS COFFEE]

JANE (ON PHONE) (CONT’D):

Then put a jumper on. Look just hold tight, Clint, or hang ten or whatever

you do.

[SHE HANGS UP AND SCRAMBLES TO COOL THE

COFFEE IN THE FEW SECONDS SHE HAS LEFT]

BETH:

They’ve found another one? That’s, what, two in as many weeks?

JANE:

Three.

BETH:

Where’s this one?

JANE:

Greyrock Point. Clint was out surfing and stumbled on it.

JUDITH:

Clint can stumble on me anytime he fancies.

[JANE MEETS HER MOTHER’S EUPHEMISM WITH

SILENCE. BETH POINTS TO AN ITEM IN THE

CATALOGUE]

BETH:

Is that lace or –

JUDITH:

Satin. Comes in red or silver.

BETH:

I’d go silver.

JANE:

Not sure this is entirely appropriate for breakfast time.

JUDITH:

Should be by dinner. This lot do same day delivery and it’s a big night for

Mick.

JANE:

What’s special about tonight?

JUDITH:

He’s refreshed the menu at the Black Dog. He’s got new steaks, says he

even caught a few lobsters himself. You should come? Big night for him

downstairs so I thought we’d…celebrate upstairs.

JANE:

If I’m done in time I will.

BETH:

(SHOWING JUDITH HER PHONE) Here, this is the tattoo I’m getting.

JANE:

(GIVING JUDITH A LOOK) If I approve.

[JUDITH TAKES BETH’S PHONE AND ADJUSTS HER

BIFOCALS]

BETH (CONT’D):

It’s a barcode tattoo. When you scan it it pings and the display reads my

name.

JUDITH:

Does it give you a price too?

[JANE KISSES BETH ON THE FOREHEAD]

JANE (CONT’D):

Look, just text it me and I’ll consider it. If it's really nice maybe I'll get the

same myself.

[BETH LOOKS HORRIFIED. JANE HEADS OUT]

BETH:

Car keys.

[JANE RETURNS, PICKS UP THE CAR KEYS AND

LEAVES AGAIN]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC6. EXT. GREYROCK POINT. BEACH. DAY 1. 08:12

JANE, CLINT

NSE POLICE OFFICERS, NSE JOURNALIST, NSE DOG WALKER,

DOG:

[JANE STRIDES DOWN THE BEACH TOWARDS

CLINT, STILL IN HIS WETSUIT. NEARBY, NSE POLICE

OFFICERS HAVE ERECTED A WHITE TENT IN WHICH

THE BODY RESTS, HIDDEN. IN THE DISTANCE, A

PRESS VAN IS PARKED UP ON THE BLUFFS]

JANE:

Morning Johnny Utah.

CLINT:

Who?

JANE:

Tell me you’ve seen Point Break?

CLINT:

I’m not into snooker.

JANE:

(NOT RISING) Who’s washed up this time?

CLINT:

They’re pretty far gone.

JANE:

Male or female?

CLINT:

Male, I think. The fish had a really good go.

JANE:

Did you find it?

CLINT:

No, a lady walking her dog. I was catching the swell. Dog walker’s with the

police now.

JANE:

(NODDING UP AT THE BLUFFS) He been down asking questions?

CLINT:

Who?

JANE:

Journo with the long-lens on the bluff…

CLINT:

I didn’t realise there was press here.

JANE:

Top story in the Lighthaven Star.

[JANE HOLDS OUT HER SMARTPHONE AND SHOWS

HIM THE HEADLINE STORY. THERE’S A PICTURE OF

HIM HOLDING HIS SURFBOARD NEXT TO THE

DOGWALKER AND THE WHITE TENT]

CLINT:

Is that me!?

JANE:

Finally a Covergirl. (HEADING TOWARD THE TENT) Shall we have a

look?

CLINT:

Uhh…

JANE:

Are you alright?

CLINT:

Yes. No. Quite glad I haven’t eaten.

JANE:

Then how about you arrange the undertaker?

CLINT:

Which one?

JANE:

(THE FIRST THAT SPRINGS TO MIND) Try Prince’s; they’re reliable.

CLINT:

Sure.

JANE:

And do me a favour – don’t talk to the press guy on the way up. I don’t want

our office passing comment. I’ve got a nine AM with the Devonshire

Undertaker’s Association so hopefully this’ll be the last but the papers’ll be

all over it.

CLINT:

Think this is another botched sea-burial?

JANE:

Lightning doesn’t strike thrice.

[JANE HEADS INTO THE TENT. CLINT SPOTS A

CAMERA FLASH FROM THE BLUFFS. HE TUCKS HIS

SHORTBOARD UNDER HIS ARM, LIFTS HIS CHIN

AND CUTS A BLUE STEEL FOR THE LONG-LENS

BEFORE WALKING OFF]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC7. INT. POLICE STATION. DAY 1. 08:56

DORA HORTON:

NSE DUTY OFFICER

[A TWITCHY DORA HORTON (27) WALKS INTO THE

POLICE STATION. SHE FIDDLES WITH HER BANGS

OUT OF NERVES. SHE HEADS UP TO THE NSE DUTY

OFFICER’S WINDOW]

DORA:

I’d like to report a missing person.

CUT TO:

EP2/SC8. INT. LIGHTHAVEN COUNCIL OFFICES. HALLWAY.

DAY 1. 09:
04

JANE:

[JANE HURRIES DOWN MARBLE FLOORS TOWARDS

MEETING ROOMS. SHE HAS IN HER HAND A

PRINTED OUT PAGE FROM THE STAR ONLINE.

SHE REACHES A SET OF DOORS UPON WHICH

HANGS THE SIGN “DEVONSHIRE UNDERTAKERS

ASSOCIATION EGM”. SHE PUSHES IN]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC9. INT. LIGHTHAVEN COUNCIL OFFICES.

CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY 1. 09:06

BILL, JANE, MRS BLACKSTONE, MR GRAVELLE, MR PRINCE

NSE UNDERTAKERS:

[IT IRRITATES JANE THAT BILL’S STARTED THE

MEETING WITHOUT HER. AMONGST THE

UNDERTAKERS ARE GRAVELLE, NOLAN PRINCE

(43) A DICKENSIAN FELLOW WITH A WHIFF OF THE

SHABBY, AND ETHEL BLACKSTONE (53) A DOUR

LADY WHO’S NOT FOR TURNING]

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