The Coroner Page #2

JANE:

Thanks for waiting.

BILL:

Punctuality is the politeness of kings. For those of you who don’t know her,

this is our Coroner, Jane Kennedy –

JANE:

I know everyone here, Bill. This is a problem –

[SHE PLACES THE PRINTOUT ON THE TABLE. THE

HEADLINE READS ANOTHER BODY WASHES UP ON

GREYROCK POINT]

JANE (CONT’D):

Three in a month. We need to talk about reforming the rules for sea-burials.

BILL:

I hope that you are not suggesting those present are lacking in their jobs?

JANE:

It’s possible.

PRINCE:

Sorry but everyone here takes a great deal of professional pride in their

work.

[MRS BLACKSTONE CLEARS HER THROAT]

GRAVELLE:

These botched sea-burials could easily come from undertakers outside of

your jurisdiction –

PRINCE:

On strong currents.

BLACKSTONE:

Why aren’t they being hauled to an emergency general meeting?

JANE:

It is a subject I’ve raised with the Coroner’s Society and it’s not just here

but we can’t ignore that it is here and something needs to be done about it.

Look, it’s not my job to tell people how they’re disposed of; if you want to

have a traditional sea-burial, I’m all for it. But what I won’t support is a

situation where unidentified bodies keep floating up on my patch as a

consequence of botched sea-burials. I can’t have it.

BILL:

So what do you propose?

JANE:

(KNOWING IT WILL GO DOWN LIKE LEAD) The simplest thing would

be to insist that all bodies buried at sea are subjected to a DNA test.

BILL:

A voluntary test?

JANE:

At the moment.

BILL:

Who’s going to pay for that?

JANE:

You’d pass that onto the customer.

GRAVELLE:

Undertaking is a highly competitive undertaking. If we raise our rates our

customers may well take their business elsewhere.

JANE:

You could all raise your rates.

BILL:

That would be price-fixing, which is illegal.

PRINCE:

And in case you hadn’t noticed we’re just coming out of a recession.

JANE:

I did catch the news, yes.

BILL:

Or why don’t you pay for it?

JANE:

My office barely has enough money to keep the lights on, Bill, you of all

people should know that.

BILL:

Voluntary DNA testing isn’t going to work.

JANE:

Then you could lobby for DNA testing to become law.

BILL:

That would require a change in national legislation…

JANE:

And as Councillor you would be in a perfect position to throw some of your

weight that way.

BILL:

I don’t see why those who are recently bereaved should have to submit their

lost loved one to an invasion of their privacy.

JANE:

It’d be a tiny sample.

BILL:

It’s the principle. It’s an invasion of their human rights.

JANE:

I’m not entirely sure dead bodies have human rights.

BILL:

(PATRONISING) I think you’ll find if you ask a lawyer…

JANE:

I don’t need to ask a lawyer, Bill, I am one. And when I was appearing at

the Supreme Court they most certainly didn’t.

BILL:

Well you’re not in London now.

JANE:

(APPEALING TO THE UNDERTAKERS) You won’t consider passing this

on to your customers?

[SHE IS MET WITH SILENCE]

JANE:

Then perhaps it’s time I conducted a review of which undertakers I choose

to use in future.

[THE TONE IN THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY CHANGES

BUT IT’S TOO LATE. JANE LEAVES]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC10. INT. POLICE STATION. DAVEY’S OFFICE. DAY 1.

09:
33

DAVEY, DORA

[DAVEY’S A LITTLE BLEARY-EYED AND IS

SLUGGING A COFFEE IN BETWEEN FILLING OUT A

MISSING PERSON’S FORM FOR DORA. HIS HEAD’S

NOT FULLY SWITCHED ON JUST YET…]

DAVEY:

So who’s missing?

DORA:

My boyfriend.

DAVEY:

And when was the last time you saw him?

DORA:

Like, like about a week.

DAVEY:

Be good to be precise about that.

DORA:

Sunday. A week ago on Sunday.

DAVEY:

Ten days. That’s a long time.

DORA:

Well he does that. Leaves home and takes off sailing when he needs to clear

his head, you know.

DAVEY:

Sailing?

DORA:

Yeah he went sailing – boat’s gone.

DAVEY:

What sort of boat is it?

DORA:

A National 12. Blue wooden hull. It’s called Hispaniola.

DAVEY:

Does he sail on his own?

DORA:

Yeah I can’t stand the water.

DAVEY:

Me too. How often does he go out?

DORA:

Once, twice a month.

DAVEY:

So you’d say he’s experienced?

DORA:

Very.

DAVEY:

And he’s gone off unexpectedly before, you say?

DORA:

Yeah but never for this long. He always calls.

DAVEY:

How’s his health?

DORA:

Why?

DAVEY:

Doesn’t have epilepsy or anything like that?

DORA:

No he’s fine. D’you think he’s drowned?

DAVEY:

If he’d come off his boat we’d expect to find the wreckage; they can’t sail

themselves. And I haven’t had any reports like that from the Coast Guard

but I’ll double check.

DORA:

Has been pretty stormy of late -

DAVEY:

When you say clear his head, what d’you mean by that?

DORA:

He can get himself into scrapes.

DAVEY:

Trouble?

DORA:

Yeah gets himself into trouble, like. With you lot.

[DAVEY WAKES UP AND FLIPS THE FORM OVER TO

THE FRONT PAGE]

DAVEY:

What’s his name?

DORA:

Burton. Kevin Burton.

DAVEY:

Your fella’s Kevin Burton?

DORA:

You know him?

DAVEY:

I do.

[DAVEY STANDS AND HEADS OUT]

CUT TO:

EP2/SC11. INT. CORONER’S OFFICE. CORRIDORS / OFFICE.

DAY 1. 10.11

CLINT, JANE, DAVEY

NSE JOURNALIST:

[TELEPHONES ARE RINGING OFF THE HOOK AS

CLINT KEEPS UP WITH JANE WHO IS WALKING AT A

CLIP. HE HAS IN HIS HANDS FILES WHICH HE IS

PASSING OVER HER SHOULDER]

CLINT:

Here’s your list of those gone in the night and you’ve missed your ten AM

with the Bereavement Officer –

JANE:

I’ll call her.

CLINT:

These are from the community, all natural causes apart from that one which

is an RTC but they weren’t a donor so…and here’s your post and…these are

your missed calls and don’t forget you’re in court at half four. Lots of calls

from the press but I’ve said no comment.

JANE:

Good.

CLINT:

That journalist from the bluff’s hanging about…

[JANE FLICKS A LOOK TOWARD A HALLWAY. SHE

SPOTS THE NS JOURNALIST WAITING]

CLINT:

Told him you weren’t going to be passing comment but he’s pretty

persistent. And Davey’s here.

[CLINT WAITS OUTSIDE THE OFFICE. INSIDE SHE

FINDS DAVEY SITTING ON THE END OF THE TABLE]

JANE:

Thanks.

DAVEY:

Clint? Nice pic online.

CLINT:

Cheers. Getting one framed for Mum.

[CLINT GOES. AS JANE SHUTS THE DOOR THE

SOUND OF RINGING PHONES FADES. JANE

IMMEDIATELY TENDS TO HER EMAILS]

DAVEY:

Thought you said he wasn’t efficient.

JANE:

He isn’t. Apparently the storms have brought in a swell and he wants to

clock off by lunch. Which isn’t going to happen. If this is a social call can it

wait?

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