The Curiosity of Chance Page #4

Good job!

Hank, your photos are totally wicked!

I think the team's going to read it

and be inspired.

It's going to be a good season!

They're going to blow.

Most assuredly.

Brilliant!

Good to have your bender back.

Yeah.

So uh... I gotta ask,

what were you thinking?

You know, talkin' to

the jack-off for his story?

It's just a stupid article, who cares?

Well, everyone man.

And now it's in print.

Forever.

Look, I don't know if you noticed lately,

but we are the sh*t around here.

Gods, man. And I've worked way too hard

to let you throw that away

by hanging with some

lunatic-fringe fairy-queen.

He's turning you into a joke, Levi.

And you don't even see it.

You give him too much credit.

No, the credit's all yours!

Stay away from him, man.

Is that a threat?

What are you looking for?

A little peace and quiet.

This was her favorite.

It's beautifully crafted.

Look at the beading detail.

A timeless fashion.

Exquisite...

Why are you looking through

Mom's old dresses?

Don't you have

a tiara to polish?

Hey, Levi.

I just wanted to say thanks again,

for aiding me with my article.

I thought you might like some of Hank's

photos of you at soccer practice...

Uh, hello?

Thanks, but I'll pass.

Chance do you have a--

Close the door!

It's not bad...

Have you ever heard of lip-liner?

Hello?!

If Cyndi Lauper can manage it,

so can you.

Your foundation is a tad uneven.

Is this your outfit for school tomorrow?

You're going to enter?

Teenagers get to do all the fun stuff.

I don't know how much fun it'll be

after ten minutes in heels.

I can show you wear to put band-aids.

They'll keep your feet from blistering.

Hey, don't tell anyone about this.

Especially not Sir.

If anyone I know sees me like this,

I am done for.

No matter how well I pull it off.

Jesus and Mary

and our Commander-in-Chief,

Ronald Reagan!

What the hell are we doing here?!

Is that your mother's dress?

It shouldn't go to waste.

I did his make-up.

Well, you did a very nice job, Honey...

Okay.

He wanted to spare your feelings,

but truthfully, I could tell...

he thinks your eye shadow is too dark.

Doesn't anyone ever knock in this house?

The Debbie-Gibson-Red

is definitely your color.

Stay calm.

Sasha means well, he thinks he can find for

every queen her name and 'inner song'.

It only should take a second.

Pepper Madison.

Dancing Queen!

Are you sure?

Listen to me Pepper,

if you sing 'Dancing Queen'

you will be the star performer of the night.

I might even make you a regular.

I didn't practice Dancing Queen.

Don't worry, Sasha means well,

but he's a little bit funny in the head.

He always want us to sing 'Dancing Queen.'

Are you nervous?

A little bit...

Yeah...

Okay, a lotta bit.

Don't worry. Butterflies are good.

But think about this:

failure is not an option.

And whatever you do tonight

don't turn on the mic.

Ok?

But you'll be a star tonight.

Claire Vuoyant everyone...

always hard to top.

In fact, I have it on good authority

she has her ass tattooed:

'No Entry.'

'For eight-inches and under.'

Okay, let's keep this train-wreck

of a night going.

Next up is a first-timer, so ladies,

keep those beer bottles in your

mouths where they belong.

Here she is:
Lucky Chance!

I was bom to run

I was born to dream

Craziest boy you've ever seen

I've gotta do it my way

Or no way at all

And I was here to please

I'm even on my knees

Making love to whoever I please

I've gotta do it my way

Or no way at all

And then you came around

Tryin' to tie me down

I was such a clown

You had to have it your way

Or no way at all

Why don't you turn me loose

Turn me loose, turn me loose

I've gotta have it my way

Or no way at all

Why don't you turn me loose

Turn me loose, turn me loose

I've gotta have it my way

Or no way at all

And I'm here to please

Even on my knees

Making love to whoever I please

I've gotta do it my way

What's going on?

The Split Infinitives have officially...

split.

Grammar police cracking down?

Look Chance, I don't mean

to be a jerk or nothing, but--

But you just decided to be one anyway.

Listen, I can't really hang with you anymore.

My dad's being a hard-ass about football,

and concentrating on getting a scholarship.

That's why he made you quit the band?

What happened to your whole

'music is my life' mantra?

Well,

it's like you said, we're...

What was it?

Pedicular?

So, no big loss.

I don't know a meteor could hit the earth,

causing you to get better.

I think I saw it once in an Ed Wood film.

I know the real reason you

don't want to be seen with me.

It's not what you think.

I don't care that you dig guys.

I believe that.

But you do care

if other people think you do...

by way of association.

I never realized Brad had

so much sway over you.

Usually the drummer is the most expendable.

Look, I don't expect you to get it.

There's a news flash.

You don't expect me to get much, do you?

Continually underestimating me

for some unknown reason.

You're not as complicated

as you think you are.

How the hell would you know?

I'm a teenager, too.

And infinitely

more complicated than you.

Is that so?

I don't see any dresses in your closet.

It's okay.

Guys like you are never friends

with the likes of me.

So in that regard,

you turned out true to form.

Ouch.

Someday, you're gonna have

to stand up to people.

People like Brad...

like your father.

Eventually maybe even yourself.

So, how's your

revenge-on-Brad plan coming?

Yeah, what you got?

A headache.

Besides, I think

he's forgotten about me.

I'm off his radar.

Jerk!

Hey!

Look, Whoopi,

it ain't my fault his big fat face

got in the way, okay?

Hey! Marquis...

next time, duck.

Like the chicken you are.

That makes no sense.

On a pure poultry level.

Hey! Jimmy Olsen,

no one's talking to you.

Why are you so angry all the time?

What did I even do to you?

Invaded my school.

I mean, your presence alone is enough

to make me wanna puke.

Don't you get it man?

You don't belong here.

So, leave.

Fairy Academy is back in the states.

They're waiting for you.

Let's go, man.

Forget about it man,

well beat him up tomorrow.

So, what was that all about being

'off his radar'?

A man can't go on like this.

Or you, even.

Do something!

I know why he's so angry all the time.

This plan is unwise.

Not to mention, uncouth.

It's high-risk, I agree.

Grow some balls! The both of you.

And stop talking like

a forty-year-old British fop.

It's bizarro.

If I do like this--

Abort.

and if I do this-

Then the abort is off and we're back on.

But then, if I do...

Mr. Samsonite, shut it!

Okay, Air Craft Carrier Smelker

has passed.

C'mon!

I need to see the nurse!

I'm dying.

Not before I get a petition form.

The food at this institution is not fit for

sub-species consumption, let alone humans.

One at a time, boys, please I am alone here.

Are you okay?

Oh my God!

What's wrong with him?

You know, I'm certainly no medical expert, but...

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