The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Page #4

Can we talk without

the warden being here?

Please, Miss Fitzgerald

is a part of this company now.

We must all learn to

work together in harmony.

What makes you so positive

it's an inside job?

It couldn't be that smooth

unless it was inside.

Miss Fitzgerald is suggesting,

given the magnitude of the loss,

that we expand our investigation.

- Meaning what?

- I appreciate the value

of intuition to a point.

But we're moving into a decade

of scientific innovation.

Miss Fitzgerald has suggested

that perhaps we might

get you a little help...

by farming out part of the work

to an outside private detective agency.

- What?

- To help you-- test the waters--

see if a new approach

and fresh techniques make a difference.

Don't feel threatened immediately.

According to you, I'm only threatened

by women with high I. Qs.

Did you hire a female detective?

North Coast has got to get

with the progress of the marketplace.

There's a lot of money at stake here.

The more time passes, the colder

the trail grows. You know that.

So if the Coopersmith Private Detective

Agency makes a contribution, then fine.

If not, we're only out a few bucks.

The Coopersmiths?

Those guys are like Fric and Frac.

- They're sub-mental.

- We are moving into

a new decade, the 1940s.

That means things are different.

Do me a favor. Max Baer's

looking for sparring partners.

Why don't you go down to the gym?

You're the only person I've received

this kind of bitter resistance from.

You're a dinosaur with your street ways

and disorganized hunt-and-peck methods.

Please. My father

always stressed harmony.

I gotta go.

I'm working on a case.

Watch out for the traffic.

Don't get hit by a bus,

your body mangled beyond recognition.

I ain't heard a word about any job.

Nobody tried to fence anything

or do any braggin'.

Charlie, you gotta help me with this.

Keep your ears open.

Anything you hear, I gotta know.

It's very important, okay?

Fifty? You must be desperate.

You know where to reach me. Keep eating

the carrots. I think they're workin'.

I think Joe said they're

all gone up there, Mr. Briggs.

I'm just gonna check something out.

I'll be down in five minutes.

[Door Opens]

You startled me.

I was working late.

Oh, 'cause Eddie said he didn't

think anybody was up here.

Well, I'm here. [ Chuckles ]

Obviously I'm here.

- What Are you so nervous--

- I'm not nervous.

Why would I be nervous? Working up here

alone, I didn't expect to see you.

Don't you work late all the time?

That's what they tell me.

What is this, 20 questions?

You scared me.

I'm working up here alone.

I'm filling out some reports.

What are you gonna do, ask Magruder

to take out all the water coolers?

Why don't you make your wisecracks

somewhere else? I'm busy.

I'm outta here.

You know, I-I-- Don't work too late,

'cause the bags under

your eyes are getting bigger.

Have a good evening, and

if you find you're going to have

a sudden coronary thrombosis,

you should probably drive

directly to the hospital.

[ Magruder ] You were right.

We shouldn't fool around at the office.

- He gives me the willies.

- He's a harmless sort.

[Keys Jingling]

- Hey. How'd you get in?

- It wasn't very hard.

Really? What'd you do, have

your father buy the building?

A small tip to the super

was all it took.

For you maybe. I give the super

a small tip, he spits on my shoes.

I brought some very expensive

Russian vodka, 120 proof.

Don't drop that, you know.

You're liable to blow up the building.

I got bored waiting. There's

nothing to read but detective

magazines and the racing form.

I got a deck of playing cards with naked

women on them. You could've, you know--

Let me guess.

You use it to play solitaire.

I used to date the six of spades.

I love where you live.

It's just what I thought it would be--

a grimy little rat hole.

Oh, thank you.

I'll tell my decorator you said that.

It's the effect we were going for.

You dying to see my,

uh, strawberry mark?

If it's in the same spot it was this

afternoon, I'd like to check it out.

This is truly a novelty for me.

I'm used to pent houses and yachts--

gorgeous European lovers who buy me

presents and sweep me off my feet.

And yet, somehow, I find it strangely

exciting standing here...

in a grungy hovel

with a myopic insurance clerk.

I know there's a compliment in there.

I just don't know where it is.

You gonna take that coat off?

It hasn't rained in

this apartment in 20 years.

Oh, well.

[ Clears Throat]

What do you think?

If I happen to pass away

while we're doing anything,

just have the embalmer

leave the smile on my face.

- [Phone Ringing]

- Perfect timing.

I'll slip into something a little more

comfortable, wait for you in bed.

More comfortable than that? What are

you going to put on, Jergens lotion?

- Hello?

- [ Magician ] Constantinople.

You are in the power

of the Jade Scorpion.

You will proceed to

the Dill worth mansion.

You will enter and open the safe.

Have you ever heard of an Indian book

called the Kama Sutra?

I'm sorry, Laura, but we're going to

have to postpone our little rendezvous.

- Pardon me?

- I just recalled a previous engagement.

I hope you don't mind.

The doorman will get you a taxi.

- I had a wonderful evening.

Thank you very much.

- You are jokin', of course.

I'll turn around and you can get

dressed, and please try and hurry.

- I'm rather pressed for time.

- Have you got a loose screw?

Tonight was very meaningful to me.

Really.

I'll always think of it

in a very cherished way.

If you're in the neighborhood again,

drop in.

What's come over you?

Should you want any peanuts

to snack on on the way home,

I think I have a whole dish

of them in the other room.

You hate women, don't you?

Not at all. Actually,

they're a splendid gender.

Really. A very pleasant variation.

I should have known.

I should have known.

A mousy little clerk like you,

just chasing your entire life

after criminals.

- I should have known.

- No, Laura, don't be cross.

Do drop in again in the springtime.

The oleander will be in bloom.

I'm going! I'm getting out!

I'm not used to getting kicked out of a

man's bed, but it could have been worse.

You're very sick, you know?

Thanking you in advance

for understanding, Laura.

God bless you.

You have a splendidly shaped buttocks.

- Mamma mia.

- God bless you, Laura.

I can't believe it.

It's identical.

You think somebody from the

Kensington household came over

and pulled this one too?

We did the security here.

We made the place fool proof.

Somebody's a step ahead of ya.

I want to speak to the Dillworths.

I want to question them.

The Coopersmith detectives

have been grilling them all morning.

Geez. You mean--

I can't believe it.

She convinced Magruder

to put the Coopersmiths on.

We need all the help

we can get on this case.

What's happenin', fellas?

You want to talk to me?

Hey, C.W.

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