The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Page #5

We're in on this one now.

Yeah? Well, this is my case,

just so you're clear on that.

Will you listen to him?

Like we horned in.

- Hey, they called us.

- That was their first mistake.

Maybe they think you're slippin'.

- You know my brother Joe?

- The one that died at birth?

I hear you're havin'

a little trouble.

- So you guys get any clues?

- A few.

Yeah? What?

Wanna share them with me?

I'll let you know if they're real clues

or if you found your own laundry list.

We'd like to make this collar. It'd mean

a long-term deal with North Coast.

I hear they're makin'

some changes up there.

Fellas, I'm gonna

make this bust,

then you guys are gonna be back at your

old jobs tracking down lost poodles.

We had to laugh when we heard

you thought the Kensington heist

was an inside job.

I can see already we're gonna

be trippin' all over each other.

- One of us is gonna fall down.

- We don't plan on fallin'.

You're in over your heads--

all four of'em.

This is a very smart burglar.

You guys have trouble figuring out

who did it when you get a confession.

I'll tell you what we figure.

We're looking for a tall man,

heavyset, athletic, about 30 years old.

Belly button in or out?

Belly button in or out?

[Coopersmith] Now, if he's short

at that weight, he's fat--

too fat to squeeze

through the kitchen window.

Wanna show him the big clue?

What's the big clue? The guy

leave behind his birth certificate?

Show him.

No one in this house

was ever to Rocky's Bar.

Hey-- I've been to Rocky's Bar.

You got a matchbook. Big deal.

Six million people eat at Rocky's Bar.

We're gonna nail this guy.

The important thing is that you

don't think of us as competition.

Don't worry. I don't.

What are you so upset about?

We'll get the guy.

Can you believe she talked Magruder

into hiring these two jerks?

You've been moping around all day.

It's not like you.

What's goin' on?

- Al, I got a confession to make.

- What?

I woke up this morning. I found

this on the floor in my apartment.

- Yeah, so?

- I have no memory of being

with anybody last night.

Come on. How many times has that

happened to everybody?

You pick up a broad. You knock off

a bottle of booze. You're in the sack.

- So you didn't remember.

- There was also an empty bottle

of vodka on the floor.

- I don't drink vodka.

- All the more reason you blacked out.

Vodka does funny things to a person.

Believe me.

I've gotten up with some pretty

strange- looking heads under my arm.

I can't figure it out. There's

something wrong. I came back here.

[CW'. s Voice] I wanted

to check something in my office.

That I remember clearly.

This was about 9:00.

Hey, wait a minute. I ran into--

Wait a minute.

- What are you thinkin'?

- Of course.

No wonder I thought

it was an inside job.

But not inside with the Dillworths

or the Kensingtons.

- It's inside our company.

- What?

It's so obvious.

Why didn't I see it right away?

Are you kiddin'? Who?

Mize, Bond and me.

We're the only ones who have

access to your security setups.

Yeah, and what if somebody

else was given access?

What if someone

we don't know as well...

because she hasn't worked here

as long as we've been here?

- Fitzgerald?

- Why not?

Why not? My God.

We've had female jewel thieves before.

She's always saying she can

do anything a man can do.

I don't think she meant stealing.

What do we know about her?

Nothing.

You know, she has expensive tastes.

She wears good jewelry.

- I gotta get into her office.

- Don't.

- I must

- If you get caught, she'll kill you.

She'll take a gun and shoot you.

She goes duck hunting.

But it makes all the sense in the world.

She's here late every night.

She has the files--

We've given her the files.

She knows all the security information.

I gotta go through her place.

Don't rifle her desk.

You're gonna get caught.

- Uh--

- What Are you doing?

- Me? No, I was--

- You're going through my desk.

[ Stammering ]

I beg your complete pardon.

You're all red.

You were snooping through my papers.

You know, only a suspicious, paranoid

mind would say something like that.

I doubt very much whether

Amish people...

or Quakers would come

to that conclusion.

You wormy little ferret.

Now you're mixing metaphors,

so you're upset.

- I know why you're

snooping through my office.

- I wasn't snooping.

You're looking for the report

by the Coopersmith Agency.

- You hired them to give me a hard time.

- What?

That's right. Now it's too many cooks,

and we're getting all over each other.

These guys have made more progress in

a few hours than you have in two days.

Were you crying? Your mascara--

Don't try to tap-dance your way

out of getting caught searching my desk.

I wasn't searching. I was rummag--

Can a colleague not rummage?

Get out. If I ever catch you

going through my stuff again--

- What are you afraid I'll find?

- You couldn't find your nose

if I turned the lights out.

Watch out, 'cause I'm on to you. I know

what you are. I know what you're about.

This is silly.

We should both calm down.

I just had lunch, and you're

liable to overtax your heart

and have a massive stroke,

killing you instantly or

paralyzing half your body.

Have a nice day.

- I gotta get into her apartment.

- You're askin' for trouble.

- She hit the ceiling

when she caught me before.

- Can you blame her?

'Cause she's guilty.

Look behind her eyes. She's a bad broad.

- She's got pretty eyes.

- I said look behind, behind the eyes.

There's something wrong--

The minute I met this broad,

I sensed there was trouble.

She says the same thing about you.

If you two were prize fighters,

we could get a million-dollar gate.

- I gotta get into her place.

- Look, let me tell you something.

Being an investigator

doesn't put you above the law.

She catches you,

she's gonna have you locked up.

Has that ever stopped me before?

- She's going out tonight.

- How do you know?

'Cause I went through her desk.

I know her appointments.

She's meeting her sister tonight

for dinner at a restaurant.

I thought she said her sister

was an invalid in Detroit.

That's what I'm tellin' ya.

Nothing she says ever checks out.

Yeah, well, you know, you can't break

into her apartment. It's unethical.

I'm not gonna break in.

I got the key.

- How did you manage that?

- I stole it from her purse.

She's gonna know something's up

when it's missing, right?

She'll never know. I made a duplicate.

I put the original back.

My God. You know, you've got

a touch of larceny in you.

You would have made

one heck of a thief.

It takes one to catch one.

Don't forget that.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yeah, see ya around.

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes]

- Can I take your coat, honey?

- I'll get it.

Okay, what did you want

to tell me?

No drink?

We've had enough drinks.

How much alcohol do you need

to be completely honest?

- You're not making this very easy.

- Why should I make it easy?

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