The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Page #7

off the matchbook.

You got a fingerprint

off a matchbook?

The Coopersmith lab uses

highly sensitive apparatus.

- You're not gonna tell me it's mine?

- It is, C.W.

Well, so what?

So I leave a footprint on the parapet,

or I inadvertently drop a matchbook.

The matchbook was found before

you got over to the place.

You guys don't doubt my honesty,

do you?

Let me tell you, I was

a Boy Scout for three years.

I got a number of merit badges

home, and my clergyman,

who happens right now to be wanted

for pederasty, will vouch for me.

Nobody's making any accusations.

You do have some outstanding debt

from expensive sports betting--

baseball, the ponies.

Are you guys investigating me?

C.W., I assure you, this is only

an inquiry in-house at this time.

We don't want the police

to know about it, and we're

not looking for bad publicity.

Miss Fitzgerald, what do you think?

Say something.

You're a bright woman.

You think I did it?

Please, C.W. let's not have

our daily bloodbath between

you and Miss Fitzgerald.

- She's not an investigator.

- But she's a very bright woman.

- She's got a lot of ideas.

She was the one who brought these

two mouth breathers in on this case.

It's nothin' personal.

We're just building a case.

We all want to catch a jewel thief.

I'm on your side.

Fellas, I think

we gotta get team jackets.

I want a resume of every employee who

works here messengered to my apartment.

Don't worry, C.W.

We'll get to the bottom of this.

Oh, Miss Fitzgerald,

I wanted to meet with you later.

- About what, Mr. Magruder?

- Our Paris account.

As I recall,

that account is closed.

I have to see you later.

Just to talk.

I behaved like such a fool.

Later, f-for a drink. Just for a drink.

[Doorbell Ringing]

Oh. Well.

Can I come in?

Yeah, sure. I-I'm shocked.

I-- The place is a little messy.

if I knew you were coming, I would have

had the maid rearrange the dirt.

Are you alone?

Alone? Yeah. Of course.

I would have called, but I decided

it was safer to talk to you in person.

- What do you mean, "safer"?

- I can't stay long.

Why? You gonna meet

Magruder in Paris?

That's none of your business.

Thanks for coming to my defense today in

the office. It was really nice of you.

That's what I wanted

to talk to you about.

The Coopersmith brothers had Laura

Kensington in for questioning today.

She told them she was with you

the night before last...

and that you got a phone call

in the middle of the night

and began acting strangely...

and got rid of her because you

had to go someplace at midnight?

Well, let me tell you, she's lying.

- Why would she lie?

- Wh-- Use your head.

Would I kick Laura Kensington

out of my bed at midnight?

Even if the president needed me.

- Why Are you lying to me?

- Why did you come here

- with this crazy story?

Because i should have spoken up

at that meeting today.

Because while I think you're

a mealy-mouthed little...

- Reptile.

- reptile-- Thank you--

I don't think you're a jewel thief.

- What makes you so positive?

- It's too daring for you.

You're not romantic enough.

It requires flair and imagination.

My instinct's telling me

you're not the one.

- I didn't think you had instincts.

- I have them.

I don't usually trust them, especially

when it comes to sizing up men,

but this time I can feel it.

You're good at weaselly type things,

like snooping and spying.

You're not man enough

to be a cat burglar.

- You sound like you're attracted

- to men who break the law.

- We're not here to discuss me.

We're here to talk about what Laura

Kensington told the Coopersmiths.

Laura Kensington wasn't here.

She-- You're making--

Laura Kensington was not here.

She said she left her stocking here.

Hey, that could be anybody's.

I don't know--

A lot of women pass

through this apartment.

I'm not saying they're all winners,

but there's a lot of action here.

I 'm sure you're not overly particular.

Look. What do you want from me?

[Stammering]

I happen to enjoy the proximity

of a well-proportioned member

of the opposite sex.

That's how God created us,

and why should I be the one

to quibble with His concept?

I came to tell you a case is building

against you. Be honest with me!

- I'm honest. I'm honest.

- Where did you get this stocking?

It's some broad's.

The women that are here, they lose

an earring, a stocking, I don't know.

Laura Kensington says it's hers.

She also says she tipped the super.

He let her in here,

and that story checks out.

- Whoever that is, I'm not here.

- What? Wh--

- Who is it?

- It's Herb and Joe C.oopersmith.

I don't want to be seen here!

Why? What's the problem?

What am I, a leper?

You're under suspicion.

I would have a lot of explaining to do.

You know, I think you're still hooked

on Magruder.

That's why you don't--

Go down the end of the hall.

There's a bedroom.

Shut the door. Go in the bedroom.

Can I sit down in there,

or will I catch something?

Germs can't live in your bloodstream.

It's too cold.

[Herb]

Let's go, C.W. Open up.

Coming!

Hey, fellas.

You sure you got the right apartment?

The traps with the cheese

are in the basement.

- Can we come in?

- Now, wait a minute.

I got a chorus girl in the back room,

and if I don't hurry up--

Wouldn't be Laura Kensington,

would it?

Laura Kensington?

I don't know.

They all look the same upside down.

I can never tell.

She says she was here

the other night,

till you dumped her to go out on

mysterious middle-of-the-night business.

Hey, would I dump Laura Kensington?

I eat Wheaties.

Problem is, Eddie, the night guard from

the North Coast building, says you, uh,

made some strange middle-of-the-night

visits to your office...

both nights the robberies took place.

Fellas, I'd love to chat

with you, but, you know,

there's a nurse in

the other room there, and--

I thought you said

she was a chorus girl.

Who does a little nursing?

Give me a break.

Come on. We can discuss this

tomorrow, can't we?

I don't know how you can still make love

with this on your mind.

You know, you're facing

a long jail sentence.

That's exactly why I gotta

get in all I can now.

Yeah? Well, we're gonna turn this over

to the police tomorrow.

You can see. There's a case developing

that's pretty incriminating.

This is circumstantial evidence.

That's all you got.

Many a man's gone to the gallows

on circumstantial evidence.

Well, fellas, the gallows

are gonna have to wait,

because I got a cocktail waitress

in the other room now, and I--

- Cocktail waitress?

- Yeah, a nurse, you know,

who-- who's a little bit

of a chorus girl,

and she works a lounge now and then.

If you catch the jewel thief,

let me know.

- I'll get you both new yo-yos.

- Yeah.

They're--

- What is this?

- I was...

browsing through your bookshelf,

and I found this deck

of naked playing cards and these.

This is-- What do you--

This is-- This is

the Kensington jewels.

This is the-- This is

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