The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Page #9

but if you needed money,

you could have come to me.

I would have listened.

I warned you about your gambling habit.

Cant you see

what a conspiracy this is?

They plant a footprint

and a fingerprint,

and the night watchman

forges my signature.

It's easy. And this crazy girl

who smokes opium makes up a story.

And Fitzgerald plants

the jewels in my apartment.

There's a word for people who think

everyone is conspiring against them.

- That's right. Perceptive.

- C.W.,

you tried to swallow the key to

the locker at Grand Central Station...

where we found the stolen goods.

- You got any witnesses?

- Yeah, me!

You gonna take your word over mine?

Let's get him over to the courthouse

and book him.

You better get a lawyer, C.W.

I'm shocked.

This is one of my best men.

You know how long I've known this guy?

Tommy, come with me.

Yeah, Mike, I'm right behind ya.

I'm sorry about this, C.W.

I'll make the arrangements.

Stick around.

Well, well, well.

if It isn't

Mr. Fast-Talkin' Investigator...

who got caught with his hand

in the cookie jar.

Did I really throw you out of bed?

Why? You planning on using

the insanity defense?

Listen, honey, I gotta get some help,

and you're gonna help me.

- Am I?

- Yes.

- And what makes you think that?

- This is your kind of thing.

- And what makes you think that?

- This is your kind of thing.

This'll look great on your resume.

A suspected felon, a daring escape from

police headquarters, broad daylight.

[Stammering]

You like this kind of thing.

Go over to that top drawer over there.

They took the handcuffs

outta the second drawer from the left.

- There's gotta be a key in there.

- Nervous.

See if there's a key.

Go. Hurry up. Come on.

Don't-- Hur--

Gotta make this fast.

Otherwise, I'm gonna be--

They'll put me away.

I'll be showering with all men

for the rest of my life.

Hey, miss, I'm sorry.

No one's allowed in here.

You wanna come with me?

Let's go, miss.

You're not allowed in here.

Come on. Unless you

wanna get locked up too.

- I'm sorry things didn't work out, C.W.

- Come on. Let's go.

- Yeah? You wanna lock me up?

- What's wrong with you?

- Just take your hands off me!

- Something wrong with you?

Caroline and I are working on the

details of the separation agreement now.

I'll be out of the house in two weeks.

The divorce will take longer.

That's why the agreement

has to be securely in place.

Otherwise, it could get killed

if we were found together.

- Where Are you?

- do you think he's really guilty?

- Is that what you're thinking about?

- I can't shake this uneasy feeling.

What? That he's innocent?

He was caught red-handed.

Believe me,

it just doesn't feel right.

I don't see that snoopy little termite

as a romantic jewel thief.

Well, I'd hardly call

breaking the law romantic.

- [Phone Ringing]

- I didn't mean it that way.

What did you mean? The evidence

against him is overwhelming.

- I don't know what I mean anymore.

- [Ringing Continues]

Hello? Yes.

Yes, he is. Hold on.

- It's the Coopersmiths.

- Thank you.

Hello. No.

Really? Oh-- Oh, how?

Okay. Yes, I certainly will.

if you had any doubts about his

culpability, this should allay them.

- He escaped.

- He did?

Slipped out of the handcuffs and leaped

across to the building next door.

- C.W. Briggs?

- Like a common burglar.

I'm starting to realize that none of us

really knew him all these years.

I have to go down

to police headquarters.

It looks like your little termite

ate his way out.

- Did you forget--

- Resist the temptation to scream.

- What Are you doing here,

- you little jewel thief?

- No, I'm not a thief.

I- I'm suspect.

It's the complete different.

I'm a very promising suspect,

but I didn't do it,

and I gotta have time to prove that.

Other wise, they're gonna lock me up

in a concrete building...

and you'll only be able

to insult me on visiting days.

- Why did you come here?

- Because I have no one else to turn to.

Everybody knows how much you hate me,

so no one will look for me here.

I gotta have a place to sleep.

I'm exhausted.

You can't sleep here.

I couldn't afford the fumigating bills.

if you wanna call the police,

call the police.

I don't care.

You know, I'm sleeping here.

You wanna call 'em, then call 'em.

Get me the 11 th Precinct.

[ Ringing ]

- Hello?

- Miss Fitzgerald?

- Yes?

- Madagascar.

You are in a deep trance,

and you will obey each and every command

the Jade Scorpion gives you.

You will acquire

all the pertinent security data...

for the Adrian Greenwood mansion.

You will proceed there,

and after disabling the security system,

you will remove all the jewels

from the safe,

obtaining each and every one of them.

These jewels you will hide

in your apartment. Is this clear?

Yes.

What's the matter? Can't sleep?

No. I've had the strangest dreams.

That's funny, 'cause I've had some

crazy dreams myself lately.

I dreamed we were finally together.

Really? You and Magruder?

It's a match made in heaven.

By a retarded angel, but in heaven.

You misunderstand me. I dreamed

you and I finally wound up together.

You-- That's funny,

'cause I didn't hear any screaming.

From the first minute I met you,

a voice inside me said

I finally found what I've been

searching for my whole life.

What's that?

A roach, a vermin, a little inchworm?

A black-- Or did I call you

a black widow spider?

I knew that sooner or later, you and I

would wind up in each other's arms.

Hey, have you been gargling

with tequila?

- [ Clicks Radio On ]

- You're a very romantic man.

What did you smoke before I woke up?

Suppose I told you I had

the most passionate crush on you

I've ever felt for any man.

I'd fear for my life,

'cause I'd think it was a setup.

They were playing this song

the first time you and I had

drinks together at Rocky's Bar.

You remember what they were playing

at Rocky's Bar?

Not that I didn't have

a good time there, but I didn't.

My passion for you is so intense,

it scares me.

Can't you see I've submerged it...

under a mask of hostile acts

and cruel words?

Don't worry about it, 'cause I-I-I

never really took it seriously.

When you said you wanted to crush me

like an insect under your heel,

that was just your way of saying,

"Back off a little. "

Couldn't you see I was

just protecting myself?

- Miss Fitzgerald--

- Call me Betty Ann.

Look, Betty Ann,

I hate to be a killjoy, but, but, uh--

If this is some kind of scheme

to take adv-- it's not very subtle.

You're the man I'm gonna marry.

I've known it since the first

moment I laid eyes on you.

if you're gonna marry me,

we should call Bellevue.

You need a little

electric shock, honey.

- Would you kiss me?

- Me?

You want me to lay a wet one on you?

I've always imagined if you took me

in your arms and kissed me,

I could finally feel those fireworks

people talk about.

- Is this the way you are

- away from the office?

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