The D Train Page #3

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Good for you, dawg.

Just like in high school.

Uh-oh.

"There's Lawless." "What's he doin'?"

"Steppin' back for the three."

Boom! Swish.

F***!

I haven't ihought about that in a while.

Hey, you know what?

You should come to the reunion.

- Twenty years, comin' up.

-Nah, man.

- That's not my thing.

-Yeah.

Damn.

You must be crushin' on out here

with the talent level off the charts.

I mean, the acting thing

must help with the girls, huh?

Girls and guys.

What with guys?

Well...

I mean, are you gay?

Are you gay, dude?

I mean, it's totally oool, if you are.

I'm not into labels.

I don't know, I like whatever.

Cool. Cool.

MAN:
(ON TV)

Scoop section lists several approaches

to online privacy

along with the conventional wisdom

about each one...

- Here you go.

-Okay.

I've never taken

a muscle relaxant before.

Down the old hatch.

Yeah, man, it's a good buzz

when you booze.

0h, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm feeling it already.

All right, so what, you got

married right after high school?

College, actually.

Yeah. We, uh, got pregnant.

And then, bought a house

down in Clarkstown.

It's a nice area, you know.

Good schools.

Then, you married Stacey Polster'?

- Fourteen years.

-Wow.

- She was cute.

-Yeah.

She was no Holly James, but...

- F*** you, man. Holly James. Sh*t.

-Oh!

It's been a while

since I've heard that name.

(CHUCKLING) I bet.

- Her p*ssy, man.

-Yeah?

- So tight.

-Ooh!

Like, almost too tight.

0h, sh*t.

(GRUNTS)

Hey. She'll be there.

Where?

At the reunion. You should come.

F*** that tight p*ssy again.

She'd be all over my sh*t, wouldn't she?

- Totally.

-No, no, no.

There's no way I'm going to that.

No?

OKHY-

(SNORTS)

Yeah.

- Yeah, I don't really...

-0kay. Make a fist.

- Okay, here we go.

-Here we go.

And wejust have to snort it?

Yeah? (SNORTS)

All right. Here we go.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Holy sh*t. ls that Dermot Mulroney?

Right there.

OLIVER:
0h, yeah, that is Dermot.

Wait a second. You know...

You just call him Dermot?

Are you guys friends?

I mean, yeah.

That is so weird

how you guys all know each other.

LA's a big town,

but the business is small.

Small. Right. You should go talk to him.

- OLIVERI Yeah?

-DAN:
Yeah.

- OLIVER:
Nah, man.

-Yeah, go.

Yeah, I probably should, I should say hi.

- Yeah.

-Yeah.

- OLIVER:
Hey, what's up, buddy?

-Hey.

How you doing?

Yeah, do we know each other'?

No. No, no. No.

I'm just a big fan of your work.

- Hey, thanks.

-Yeah.

Thanks a lot.

- I'm an actor too, so...

- DERMOT:
Right on, brother.

Um, it's great seeing you.

I'm in a Banana Boat ad right now.

Cool.

Um...

Did you ever do any commercials, or...

- DERMOT2 No.

-0kay.

DERMOT:
No, I started in studio films.

Films? Yeah. Of course you did.

- I've seen every one of them.

-Thanks a lot.

- Yeah.

-Thank you.

- Dermot Mulroney.

-Yeah.

- Good to see you.

-Thank you.

- Oliver.

-Yeah, Oliver.

Yeah. Good to meet you, man.

All right, man, you guys keep rockin'.

What?

What happened? What did he say?

He was just talking sh*t.

He wanted me to sit down.

I was like,

"l gotta go, man. My buddy's here, so..."

OLIVER:
You don't wanna

get caught up in that, man.

He'll just... He'll eat up yourwhole night.

- Yeah?

-Let's go have a drink.

All right, yeah.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

- Hello?

-Hey, honey.

What are you doing?

It's 4:
00 in the morning.

Sh*t. l'm sorry.

Hey, did you see my Facebook?

I posted a new pic.

You gotta check it out.

-(GROANS) Dan, I'm sleeping.

- Oh, please, please.

Just go down there to the computer

really quick, honey, please?

Christ.

(STACEY SIGHS)

He's gotta be kidding me.

DAN:
You on there yet?

- Baby, you on there?

-I just walked into the living room.

- Okay.

-(COMPUTER BEEPS)

Are you on there now?

- Wait, is that...

- Yes, it is.

Oliver Lawless.

I'm hanging outwith him.

And you know,

we just saw Dermot Mulroney.

And hejust seems like a normal guy.

Just a totally regular dude.

Well, that's great, honey, but what...

How was the meeting?

What meeting? Oh, right, yeah.

Good, really, really good.

Okay, well, so is it happening?

Uh, you know, it's close.

There's contingencies.

-L'm cooked, man.

-You're cooked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I gotta go.

I'll talk to you iomorrow. Love you, bye.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

(GROANS)

Dude, l'm so happy.

Best night ever. Best night ever.

- Are you kidding? It was great.

-Can we do it again?

Absolutely, man. Hey, take care.

- Tomorrow night? Bring Dermot.

-All right, man.

- Uh. yeah, I'll text him.

-And the reunion?

Nah. All right, brother.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

What's up, man, you okay?

Yeah, can I come in?

Get in here.

Do you have a minibar'?

I don't think I have one.

- F***. Right here.

-Is that what it is?

- Yeah' help yourself.

-Yes.

Fifteen bucks a bottle, no big deal.

Mmm.

I f***ing wouldn't sleep, man.

Yeah, me neither.

(SIGHS)

Man, you ever feel like you're just...

You'rejust lying to yourself?

What do you mean?

Well, when you lie to yourself,

you lie to the whole world.

And that's a sh*t heavy thing

to carry around.

It's like do you ever feel like

you're so on the same page

with someone

that you don't even know

what to say to that person?

Huh?

Ask me why I'm here, Oliver.

Why I'm really here.

You're here for your

business meeting, right?

Mmm-mmm.

That's what my wife thinks.

That's what my boss,

who's sleeping right above us, thinks.

But the truth is, I came here

to get you to come

to our high school reunion.

I'm on the alumni committee, Oliver.

I'm actually chairman of the damn thing.

- Jesus.

-And I told them

if I got you to come,

that everyone else would, too.

I mean, you really think

they'd give a sh*t?

Are you kidding me?

They would sh*t themselves.

You're Oliver Lawless.

Yeah, whatever that means.

OKHY-

Do you know what I did

when I graduated high school?

I went to community college.

Down the street from high school.

Took the first job I got.

I never left home.

I did what every other a**hole did.

- But not you.

-Mmm?

You said, "F*** it."

You went after your dream.

Yeah.

And you f***in' fulfilled it.

You're the Banana Boat spokesman?

Excuse me?

Banging hot chicks all over town.

Boys with Mulroney.

You are the best thing

to ever come out of Barkledge, bro.

By a long shot.

And if you come to this ihing,

you will be giving those people a gifi

that they will remember

for the rest of their pathetic lives.

(SCOFFS)

So wait.

Whafd you tell your boss?

0h, no, no. I'm so f***ed. I told...

I told him that there's a CEO in

town that wants to work with us.

(CHUCKLING)

Why would you do that?

I didn't think he would come.

It's so stupid.

- What are you gonna do about it?

-I don't know.

But he's gonna find out

that I made up the whole thing.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Wait.

Maybe he doesn't have to.

And thank you,

Mr. Drazen, for reconsidering.

That's very kind of you.

Well, first of all, call me Kent.

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