The Day the Earth Caught Fire

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The time is now 10:41,

19 minutes before countdown.

19 minutes.

- Yes? Yeah.

- Jeannie?

This is Pete. See if you can find

someone to take a story for me.

My typewriter's seized up.

- I'll try.

- You all right?

Yeah, so far.

You better come up here, Jeannie.

No sense of being on your own.

Pete, how long before we know...

- Copy desk? Hold, I'm giving you newsroom.

- Yes?

- Look, Kitty, do me a favour.

- Are you ready?

- Who's there?

- Pete Stenning. I can't write.

Now, will you take it for me?

But for what? Who says

there's gonna be an edition?

Just take it.

Okay Go ahead. Nice and slow.

It is exactly 30 minutes since the

corrective bombs were detonated.

Within the next few hours,

the world will know

whether this is the end

or another beginning.

The rebirth of man

or his final obituary.

For the last time, man pursued

his brother with a sword,

and so the final fire was kindled.

The Earth that was to live forever

was blasted by a great

wind towards oblivion.

It is strange to think

that barely 90 days ago...

Davis. Yeah?

When did it collapse? Anyone in it?

Try and get a local photographer.

I'll send someone.

Mitchell!

- Yes, Dave?

- More flood trouble.

Ascot Racecourse,

new grandstand collapsed.

About the only thing not underwater in

that area seems to be Windsor Castle.

- Martin's down there. Take a photographer.

- Right.

I think Foreign gets the splash tonight, Dave.

Big earthquake piece from Jakarta.

We got enough splashes

with these floods.

"Exeter marooned. Five to six

feet of water, main Devon roads.

"Marines move in with high troop carriers."

I'll even take earthquakes.

Steve, try and get a call

through to Plymouth.

Tell Denison to give us the

latest Lynmouth position.

"Add flash. Beauty queen riot.

Contestants sue each other."

Yeah, we got some great pictures,

but Jeff says we're a family newspaper.

Down here, Mr Davis.

- Anything new on the test?

- Only the last AP report, sir.

New York announces it was detonated

25 miles from the South Pole.

- Must be the biggest bang yet.

- Not that test. The cricket.

Oh. Sorry, sir. Still no play.

Six inches under...

- Were you getting tea?

- I wasn't, Mr Davis...

- Well, you are now.

- Anything else exciting?

Yeah, four transatlantic jets grounded

with reported navigation trouble.

- What causes navigation trouble?

- Sunspots.

- Sunspots?

- Well, ask a silly question...

Right here, Mr Maguire.

More protest letters, sir.

- No. Take 'em to Features.

- Features said take them to you, sir.

I can't stop the bloody bomb.

It went off 10 days ago!

All right. Put 'em down.

Take those back to

the morgue, will you?

- Sir.

- Yeah?

No, this is Bill Maguire here.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sandy. He's out

of the office at the moment.

Well, yes, even reporters

have to go sometime.

Yes, all right. I'll tell him.

Would you mind telling me something?

I was under the impression that

you wanted a piece on thrombosis.

Well, as I can only do

one thing at a time,

what am I expected to do with

all these protest letters?

Thank you very much

but there's 1,700 of them.

Don't worry about that now. Go down

and see if my car's back, will you?

It's a tan Morris in

the side entrance.

If it is, Mr Stenning's probably in

Harry's Bar. Tell him he's wanted, quick.

- Sir.

- And how's the thrombosis market?

Great.

This'll give the high-paid executive

readers a nice moment of anxiety

at their breakfast tomorrow.

Boy!

Mr Sanderson's asking

for you, Mr Stenning.

So they sent Pip the cabin

boy to bail me out.

- I think he was in a hurry, sir.

- Yes, well, you just tell him I'll be coming up

when he sees the bubbles.

I just got to get some clips

from the library, sir.

Fine. Make sure my

obituary's up-to-date.

But why alter my heading? What is he

trying to do, make a job for himself?

Bill, you can't print a

feature on thrombosis

and call it "You too can

be the death of the party."

Aw, we're all getting soft.

That's what we're all getting, soft.

- Hi, Billy boy.

- Good evening.

Well, your car's safely back.

It's a fine vessel and should prove

seaworthy for another hundred years or so.

What I don't understand,

why bother to come back?

You borrow my car for lunch,

why bother to hurry back at 6:30?

- I saw my kid today.

- Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Battersea Pleasure Gardens.

She lets me see him sometime.

It's my legal right, you know.

We spent the afternoon on the ghost train,

the only customers in the rain.

- You know, Sandy's been screaming for you.

- He's a nice little kid.

Bright, too. Remembered

me after about 10 minutes.

You can throw this lot down, too.

My floor's full.

Well, what's it like

to have fan mail?

Biggest experimental bang

of all time is 10 days old.

Instead of being proud,

the public demands we stop it.

Oh, I don't know.

The best science man in the street

ought to be able pull

off a little job like that.

Make a trick film maybe.

Yeah, you know,

the mushroom goes back into the bomb,

the bomb goes back into the plane,

which flies backwards over the task force

steaming backwards from the Antarctic.

Yeah, you better start climbing

backwards to Sandy's office.

He wouldn't believe

you were in church.

He probably wants me to

take over the Science desk.

Promotion. Stenning rises again.

Don't think you wouldn't be welcome.

- What have we got?

- A flash.

"Spitsbergen reports the largest

earth tremors ever recorded."

Sorry I wasn't around, Sandy.

Okay, I'm used to it.

- You know anything about sunspots?

- Sunspots?

You hear that static?

My favourite tune. But I don't

think it'll make the top 10.

I'm not joking, Pete.

There's usually a lot of sunspot

static this time of year,

and during the last week

it's been heavier than ever.

The TV people are having

trouble with their picture.

And so's the public.

- Do me a 500-worder for the leading page.

- Success!

Wait a minute. Here are a couple

of items about navigation trouble.

- Maybe you can tie them in.

- Yeah, why not?

Hey, great idea.

With all these floods,

what about a Daily Express ark?

Great sales promotion, Sandy.

You know what, Pete? I really think

you're gonna have to try a bit harder.

This paper isn't built

to carry passengers.

All right?

Okay.

Well, Billy boy, they got

me doing your homework.

500 words on sunspots.

Have you seen the figures on

some of these earth tremors?

Is another planet

trying to contact us?

"Are you receiving me?

Are you receiving me?

"You are? Well, get knotted."

Must've been a hell of a big bang

to give these seismograph readings.

Tell me all about sunspots, Daddy.

Sunspots are caused when the rays of the

sun beat down on an unprotected torso,

thus causing a sun

rash similar to acne.

I thought it was clean

living that did that.

Ring up the Meteorological Centre.

See if you can speak to Sir John Kelly.

Maybe he'll give you some quotes.

- If not, you can talk to Pat Holroyd.

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