The Day the Earth Caught Fire Page #2

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- Pat Holroyd, that berk from Picture Post?

Oh, he's a PRO now.

He's gone legitimate.

Well, this calls for

a celebration toast.

Pete, ring the Met Centre.

I'll be back. It's six and a half

minutes past my medicine time.

Get me the Met Centre, please.

- Thanks for holding on, Bill.

- Holding on to what?

My job. This may not be a revelation

to you, but, and I quote,

"The thrill is gone,

Bill, it's really gone."

You know what I think?

I should get my finger out

and peck on the typewriter.

- Roughly.

- Alcoholics of the press, unite.

Yes?

Oh, yes. This is Peter Stenning,

Daily Express. Sir John Kelly, please.

Well, it's nice of you to be interested.

I want to speak about sunspots.

Just one moment, please.

What do I do with the press?

What does he want you to do?

Wants to talk to

Sir John about sunspots.

Oh, dreary. Press office.

No direct calls to Sir John.

Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm putting

you through to the press office.

Look, I don't want the press office,

dear. I want Sir John Kelly.

All right, all right.

Then get me Mr Pat Holroyd.

Yeah? Oh yeah, Sandy.

Yes, I understand all that,

dear, but Holroyd knows me.

We used to work together.

Now, just tell him Peter Stenning.

No, I'd rather do this myself.

I've got my own sources...

Look, just tell Mr Holroyd!

This girl's a bigger threat than radiation.

I heard that remark. Listen, I don't

care if you're Lord Rothermere himself.

All right, Beaverbrook. I'm putting

you through to the press office.

You were gonna get me Mr Holroyd.

Would you get me Professor Lambert...

Listen, your job is to pass

messages on when you're asked.

My job is to do what I'm told by

the people who gave me the job.

And anyway, this isn't my job.

I'm from the pool.

Well, why don't you

dive back in and drown?

I take it you didn't get

much change out of her.

I'm going over there, and I'm gonna

shake her till the tilt sign goes up.

Fine. In the meantime,

shake my car keys out of your pocket.

I may want to use it

before closing time.

Hello. Professor Lambert?

Hello. It's Bill Maguire here

of the Daily Express, Tom.

Hello. Tom, about these seismograph

readings of the latest American experiment.

Would you say they were bigger than

the official announcement gives out?

Oh, off the record, of course.

Something pretty huge?

- Press office.

- Straight through. Second left.

- Mr Holroyd's on the same floor, isn't he?

- No, sir. One up.

- Did you have an appointment?

- No. I'm just going into the press office.

Hello, Pat. Well, this is a bit

better than Picture Post. Isn't it?

Stenning, what the hell do you want?

- A quote on sunspots.

- Sunspots?

Look, just tell me that the static,

the monsoon, the compass trouble,

and the terrible shows we get on

television are all caused by sunspots.

And that the sunspots are caused

by bigger bomb experiments

and I'll leave you in peace.

Well, there usually is a bit

of extra sunspot activity

this time of the year, old boy.

But I don't think it has

much to do with anything.

But there could be some connection.

Oh, come on, say yes.

What harm could it do you?

Look, Stenning, it's nice to see you again,

but I'm afraid I'm up to my neck, old boy.

All right, Miss Johnson.

Take this to the typing pool,

have it mimeographed immediately.

- I see you're still a bit of a liberty taker...

- Well, give me something, Pat.

- I've got to get a story out of this.

- Sorry, can't oblige, old boy...

But why not? It's a perfectly routine,

harmless, silly season story.

- Look, Peter, you've no right to be here.

- Well, it is, isn't it?

- Well, just tell me, yes or no.

- I don't have to tell you anything, Stenning.

You got no special position that

entitles you to a first break

on anything that

comes into this office.

You mean, something has come in.

- Miss Johnson?

- She's out of the office, Sir John.

- Who's there?

- Holroyd, sir.

- Come in immediately, Holroyd.

- Right, sir.

Now, if you don't mind, Stenning...

I suppose there couldn't be some information

that hasn't hit the British public yet.

If there is, you'll get it when everyone

else does, in the official release.

Oh, Miss Johnson,

perhaps you'd take Mr Stenning

down to the press room, would you?

- Of course, sir.

- It's nice to meet an old pal.

- Come this way, please, Mr Stenning.

- Normally, darling, it would be a pleasure,

but at the moment, work before women.

The general pattern is pretty clear,

but until we get the full picture...

- Yes?

- Sir John.

- I have only one question to ask you.

- Who are you?

I think this gentleman's come

to the wrong department.

How are the effects

of the recent bomb

different from all the others

we've managed to survive?

I don't know what your job is, young man,

but it's not mine to speculate.

- Come along, Stenning.

- But they are different, aren't they, Sir John?

- You're not making this any easier...

- All right. All right. Relax.

Good try, old man. But these diabolical

liberties will get you nowhere.

Oh, come off it. You've gate-crashed

for a story often enough.

- Oh, hello. Have you come to fix this?

- Well, I hadn't, but for you, why not?

Oh, I'm sorry.

They said they'd send someone.

Can I help you?

Nearly everyone's gone home.

Yeah, I'd like a copy of

tonight's official line release.

- Tonight's what?

- The official release, sweetie.

Oh, those were all a bit smudged.

It's over-inking. I'll get you a clean one.

We're in a terrible state here.

What with summer holidays and flu,

we're all doing everyone else's job.

It happens to the best of us.

Success. No smudges.

- This is all I get, sweetie?

- That's all you get.

- Wouldn't like a drink, a meal or a lift home?

- That's correct.

- Just for my record, I'd like your name.

- Peter Stenning.

Just for my record, I'd like yours.

- Peter Stenning?

- Yeah.

- Express?

- Oh, you've heard of me.

Oh, yes. And if you're Peter

Stenning, that's not all you get.

- Oh, great, great.

- You get this, too, sweetie.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to dive back into the pool.

800 grisly words on thrombosis,

and look what they do to me.

"Stubborn men and

the killer they caught."

What sort of impact heading is that?

I might as well be working

on The Police Gazette.

- You're a bit late, aren't you?

- I'm dedicated.

Sounds like a flash, if anyone's interested.

Personally, I'm not. Good night, punchers.

"Russia announce world's largest

nuclear test explosion,

"Siberia, last Monday, 8:00 p.m.

"Force of bomb stated exceeds

American by 20%." End flash.

Anything you can do, I can do better.

All right. This is a change-up, next edition.

Monday last, when was that? 23rd?

- Monday. When was the American blast?

- Tuesday.

- What time?

- Late afternoon, wasn't it? I don't know.

- I can check. Messenger!

- Coming.

- Library, clips on test bombs.

- Right.

- No, I want you. Get Mr Maguire back.

- Yes, sir.

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