The Day the Earth Caught Fire Page #9

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Who cares about my name? My name's

nothing, it's my trust you've used.

All right, I'm ready.

- Who are you?

- I'm a security officer.

Now, wait a minute.

Where are you taking her?

For the moment,

into preventative custody.

- For what?

- Can we go now, please?

What the hell are you preventing?

It's happened, man!

You've got the head weathercock

sitting on the biggest addled egg

the human race has ever laid.

Leave us alone, Pete. It's none

of your business any more.

You let these bloody bombs off as

though they were four penny squibs

on bonfire night, and you

want to keep it a secret!

Fine, fine. So they stick the

kid into preventative custody.

Oh, cool off. I know

it's hot, but cool off.

Never mind the data on leukaemia

or infant mortality or strontium g,

or any of the other clinical

facts of mass suicide.

Just stick some kid in a cell and

everything will be all right.

Go on, write about it like that.

Oh, sure, now they want

to read about the filthy,

self-destructive force

humanity carries around

rotting in its belly.

Now, when it's too late.

It's never too late for a

good story well written.

The human race has been

poisoning itself for years

with a great big smile

on its fat face.

Well, that's how it is, Pete.

People don't care about the

news until it becomes personal.

Well, it has become personal for me.

Isn't there anything you can do?

What else is there to do?

I've made my will.

Look, Pete, they're just a bit

hysterical like the rest of us.

- They'll let her out in a few days.

- Let her out to do what?

- Who's gonna give her a job?

- No problem there, we'll give her a job.

While it all still lasts, we might

as well have full employment.

I felt it necessary

to speak to you all,

if only to stop the many wild

and irresponsible rumours

precipitated by a

general lack of facts.

There has indeed been a displacement

in the direction of the polar axis.

But it is not a catastrophe,

nor is it the millennium.

Geologists and astronomers

have long had evidence

that the tilt of the Earth has

been altered more than once

in the history of its evolution,

and it has survived them all.

Now, what does this mean

to us in our daily lives?

Well, some of the seasons,

as we know them,

may be disturbed and

change their intensity.

This displacement has undoubtedly

brought some regions

nearer to the polar circle,

whilst others have been

carried further from it.

But I have the utmost confidence

the world's scientists

can produce solutions for any of the

climactic problems we are likely to meet.

I know that many of you are

blaming the combined effects

of nuclear tests for this disturbance

to the motion of the Earth.

I must tell you that the majority

of the world's scientists

deny that this is the cause.

However, I would be failing in my

duty if I did not admit to you

that there are many others

who believe it could have been.

But whatever the rights,

or whatever the wrongs,

the four major powers have now

reached unconditional agreement

to cease all further tests,

experiments, manufacture

and work on nuclear projects.

What they'll do to get votes.

I ask you now to face the future

calmly and constructively,

remembering that here

in Britain, at least,

the weather is something we

are used to coping with.

I wonder who writes his punch lines.

The old boy will need all the laughs

he can get if this heat keeps up.

No, leave it on, May.

Let's hear the forecast.

Yes, it's always so right.

I wouldn't mind the heat if this stupid

old fool would remember to order the ice.

- I did order it.

- Well, where is it?

I don't deliver it, May.

It's real bikini weather, May.

Yeah, give the boys a treat, May.

I don't know. All this heat's making

you lot behave like foreigners.

No point in holding a hot glass.

Have another one.

No, I'm going back to the office.

...with a probable rise

towards the weekend.

What's on your mind?

Do you think Jeff would

give me an advance?

Depends how much.

However much it'd cost

to get her a good lawyer.

Oh, stop worrying. She'll only

be in for a week, two at most.

They're just going

through the motions.

But she didn't break

the story, Bill, I did.

If they're gonna charge

anyone, it should be me.

Look, you brought in the

beat of the century...

- Covent Garden!

- ...enjoy it.

- What is it, Dick?

- The whole lot's as dry as a bone.

They think it's all going up.

All right, clear way!

Please keep the roads clear.

Clear the roads, please.

Keep out of the roads.

Don't cause obstructions, please.

Keep the roads clear.

Please keep the roads clear.

Clear the roads, please.

This is the editorial floor.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Is this where I work?

Through the newsroom and

down into the library.

By the way, I'd better warn you about

some of these newsroom characters.

- I'm a big girl now.

- Yeah, that's what I mean.

Mr Maguire, if you ever want

- any extra water...

- Never drink it.

I mean I've got a contact.

Five-gallon drum only costs a pound.

Great, we'll celebrate

with two iced Cokes.

- They're fetching four bob apiece now.

- Are they?

- I'll get them as soon as I drop these.

- Tell them they're bloody robbers!

Relax, he's out on a date,

if that makes any difference.

Not to me, it doesn't.

Look, Jeannie, you can't go on blaming

him for blowing that story you gave him.

Can we change the subject?

No journalist would

have any right not to!

I agree. Tell me, do I

always come in this way,

or is there some sort of

tradesman's entrance?

Yes, I'll mind my own business.

Now, these are the legal

gentlemen the brothers prodnose.

This is the chief bunch here.

Jacko, Miss Craig,

library and standby switchboard.

- Hello and welcome.

- Thank you.

All I can say is whoever took your

press pictures ought to be fired.

What's the lead? "Hospital

emergency water trucks rammed."

- Yeah, they grabbed 5,000 gallons.

- Marvellous, isn't it?

I can remember when

it used to be money.

I must say, this is

all a bit frightening.

Nothing to worry about,

unless you own a reservoir.

- No, I meant the job.

- Oh, you'll get numb to it.

The chief librarian's a nice guy.

He'll put you right.

If there's any special problem,

there's always me, or Pete.

Everything's filed here,

from the atom bomb to Zen Buddhism.

Well, I appreciate the motive, but don't try

and restart anything. It's very, very over.

Oh, break down, Jeannie.

What, do you want him

in the penitents parade,

walking barefooted down Fleet Street?

- I don't want him anywhere.

- This is no time to waste time.

Well, he isn't wasting it.

He's out on a date.

In Battersea Park with his kid.

Miss Craig.

- You found your way?

- Mr Maguire brought me.

Yes, I shouldn't think we'd

ever be lonely down here now.

Look after her, Archie.

She's a bright girl.

It's just her sense of

proportion that's a bit bent.

Here we are. Eight shillings

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