The Decoy Bride Page #6

Then you could stay here. With me.

I know.

This is where you tell me

I'm just one chapter,

not a whole book.

Go.

Go.

Guys! Lara's Tyler's not in the castle.

They're getting married now

in the haunted toilets.

It's a local tradition. This way!

- You OK? - Yeah. You?

- Yeah.

I don't really like big

cat documentaries.

That's OK.

If we're going to do this,

we'll have to be quick.

Do you wanna taste the icing?

Do you wanna taste the icing?

What is that?

Now, sweetie, I may look like

a simple, cake-baking,

small-town mom, but inside...

I am a prize fighter, and I

will not rest while there

is a single rod of depleted

uranium anywhere

in South Carolina.

Powerful stuff there. Lara Tyler

in 'Depleted', out on Friday.

There had been rumours of retirement.

Last summer I was maybe thinking

of leading a more quiet life,

but...

then I met this amazing Scottish woman.

Terminally ill, never complained.

Actually, no, she did complain

about a lot of things.

I heard recently that she passed away.

But I was able to help her fulfill

her dream to travel the world.

Thank you, Lara.

Hegg - An Island History,

Second Edition.

The Hegg is the furthermost

drop of the outermost spray

of the curling wave of

the Outer Hebrides.

But for those curious enough to

take some time to discover her,

Hegg's cliffs and moorlands,

meadows and sandy beaches

reveal her to be an island ready

to exceed all expectations,

a tiny rock of perfection

jutting out of the restless

Hebridean Sea.

This is James Arber's new book.

Much better, more mature.

And only one chapter.

Look. He dedicated it to Lara.

Katie, but you're leaving

again, so soon.

Guidebooks don't write themselves.

But I'll never forget who

gave me my big break.

I just came in to say hi and bye.

I'm on the four o'clock boat.

I've got a flight out to New Delhi

and then onto Singapore.

Harder to hit a moving target, eh?

I should have known that bloody

guidebook would take off.

Idiot.

It's not the same without you, Katie.

Never was. We miss you. I miss you.

There Katie, that's for you.

It's a bride. For luck.

It's the last one.

- Thank you.

- That'll be 1.50.

- You off again, then, Katie?

- I'm trying to.

She'll be back. Her dad

was a traveller,

but her mam was a 'stay-at-home'.

No, I'm not sure she was, deep down.

I really need to...

I'll warrant you're a bit of both.

Goodbye, all.

Hallo!

Hello! Hello.

- Long time no see.

- Yeah.

I was hoping for our first meeting

to be a bit more casual.

What are you doing here?

I've been trying to get your attention

with conventional weapons,

- phones, emails, that sort

of thing. - I've been away.

Yeah, and you're leaving again.

Did you not read my new book?

- Not so much, no.

- You really should have read it.

- The Hegg Book Club gave it seven

and a half. - Seven and a half?

That's generous for the Hegg Book Club.

They said it picked up around page six.

- So you didn't see the dedication?

- It's dedicated to Lara.

No! It's not!

It's not!

"To my wife. A chapter can be a book."

- What does he mean, a chapter

can be a book? - I don't know.

I don't know.

Have you got a radio?

He said to tell you, the only

person he ever wed was you.

But he and Lara let the press

think they were married.

He's not married?

Katie, shall we go back?

Would you mind?

I can't believe you didn't

read my book.

I couldn't really bring myself to.

Well, I hope you will one day, because

there's a character in there

kind of reminds me a lot of you.

It's a book about a man,

a really stupid man,

who makes a really bad decision,

and how he loses somebody

amazing from his life.

And how he comes to realise he

cannot continue in his life...

without her.

They say write about what you know.

So, obviously, I set it against the

backdrop of the Spanish Civil War.

- And Lara?

- She's absolutely fine.

We agreed we weren't right

for each other.

By the way, I read your

excellent guidebook.

Really?

How embarrassing. I've been quite rude

about you in the new edition.

Well, I love intelligent feedback.

And you're back on Hegg now because?

I'm on a sheep-stealing raid, yeah.

I thought I might grab myself a

woman at the same time, but...

Predominantly, it's a sheep-snatching

thing.

Do you want me to sign that for you?

Hey.

Hi.

I like this one.

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