The Demented Page #2

Whoop, whoop!

# I see you standing there at the bar

without your friends #

# Just waiting on the wrecking ball

to swing on in... #

Right, I'm going to run inside

and grab some beers.

- Does anyone want one?

- Yeah, I'll take one.

Hey.

Yeah. I'll take two.

- Growing boy, need my vitamins.

- I'm out.

- And grab one for Naomi.

- Thank you.

Yeah, five bucks says

he can't carry that many beers.

Yes, he can.

- He can.

- He dragged Howie in.

So what do you guys say...

tomorrow we go to the lake,

take out the Jet Skis?

Jet Skis? Really?

Champions right here.

- Oh, okay.

- Baby, you tell them.

- We'll have competition over here.

- Competition.

I really don't know

how you can be better at Jet Skis.

Um, f***.

Um...

Newbuck residence.

This is Mr. Newbuck.

Get Howard.

Are you all right, Mr. Newbuck?

There's been a rogue

terrorist attack on the Gulf Coast.

Jesus. Oh.

Uh, uh, hey, guys!

Come in here for a second.

You couldn't carry

that many beers?

Howard?

Howard, are you there?

Yeah, Pop.

What's going on?

Howard, I'm still in New York.

There's been some kind

of terrorist attack.

They're saying ballistic missiles

are headed toward the Gulf Coast.

And the military is...

attempting to intercept...

my way... pick up your mom...

Dad? Hello?

Look, let me try back again

from the other phone.

Oh, my God,

I have to call my mom.

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead

and go call my dad.

I'm sure everything's gonna be fine.

We just need to calm down.

Yeah, we don't even know

where the missile's headed.

You guys, we have to

pack our stuff and get out of here.

Baby, baby, hold on. No, no.

I just talked to my dad.

He said that the safest place to be

during an attack is in a rural area.

So we should just stay here,

wait for the military

- to launch its antideployment, okay?

- That makes a lot of sense.

Rural means fewer people.

It will be less of an impact.

So theoretically the worst place to be

would be a city like New Orleans, right?

Sh*t. My brother

is in New Orleans.

Baby, he's in the military, though.

He'll be fine.

- Why New Orleans?

- Yeah, guys, honestly, my vote is

Let's just stay here,

let them blow that sh*t out of the sky

- and continue having a good time.

- What? Are you out of your mind?

- Yeah, and who said we were voting?

- Guys, that's not a bad idea.

We only have one car here.

We should probably decide

what to do as a group.

All right, all in favor of staying here,

raise your hand.

All right, and all in favor

of leaving?

Taylor, you have to vote.

I don't have enough data

to make an educated decision.

You don't have enough data?

This isn't a science class.

We need to vote right now,

'cause we have to decide what to do.

- I'm not voting.

- Okay, fine.

Three against two, though.

We're staying.

- Fine.

- Babe. Babe...?

Jesus, this is so crazy.

I wish we could at least find out

which way the missiles are headed.

I know. Me too.

I told my dad

not to get rid of the f***ing TV.

Actually it wouldn't matter

if we had a TV.

Ballistic missiles

are radio-controlled.

They change directions at any time,

so the military...

they wouldn't even know

where they're headed.

What?

My brother's Recon

and he's a weapons freak.

I'm gonna get some air.

Oh, my...

- Oh, my God.

- What was that?

- That's not good.

- What was that?

Look at that.

What? Oh, my God.

Sh*t.

Did you see it?

I saw everything.

Oh, my God,

what is that?

- Okay, Mom, I love you.

- I don't know.

- I've never seen them so scared.

- You take care, Sharley.

My mom says

that it's all over the news

that one of the missiles

was shot down by fighter jets

and the other one self-exploded

in the sky over New Orleans.

See? What did I tell you, huh?

I knew they'd blow that sh*t up.

No, no, that's not true. Those jets

didn't do anything to that missile.

It was probably just like a mistake

in the reporting or something, babe.

This sh*t's crazy, man.

Hmm.

I'm gonna marry that girl.

Yeah, you should.

That way my best friend

can be my lawyer

and his girl can be my doctor.

Dude, she's not gonna be that kind

of doctor. I told you that.

Dude, get her

to change her mind.

There's way more money

in sports medicine.

I told you, dude,

she wants to save the world

and cure diseases.

And besides, isn't Naomi

gonna be a doctor?

- Don't you plan on having her around?

- Man, she's gonna be a dentist,

and God knows when.

Well, be thankful you have her, man.

She's a great girl.

Yeah, I am.

Dude, this whole thing

has really got me thinking, you know,

about, like, life.

You know, and it's not about

us graduating or...

or me starting my own law firm or

you being the first pick in the draft.

It's about having a drink

with my best friend.

- Yeah.

- Or going to dinner with my girlfriend.

I want to start enjoying those moments

that I have right now.

And then one day

I want to sit back

and I want to watch

our kids play together.

And I want to enjoy

those moments too.

Wow.

That was really deep, man.

Dude, but you know

how I get sometimes.

Tomorrow isn't promised.

That missile could have hit anywhere.

And it didn't.

I mean,

and we're alive right now.

I think I'm in love, Taylor.

Oh, my God. With Howard?

- Yeah.

- Okay, don't get me wrong.

I think he's really cool,

but he just seems like

a wild and crazy boy.

Yeah, he is.

But that's just when he's

around everybody else.

When it's just the two of us,

he's really sweet.

And plus, I know he's gonna be

a great guy someday.

And he speaks

three languages.

And he's funny.

And he's smart.

- And he's pompous.

- Oh, come on.

You know,

I'm not perfect either.

So we can grow together.

Weren't you the one who told me

that he was afraid of commitment?

Okay, come on,

stop giving me a hard time.

The reason I'm telling you this

is because after school

we plan on moving in

together.

Oh, really?

I've just never met anybody

who makes me feel the way he does.

So how about you and David?

David is...

he's a really great guy.

But?

But sometimes I feel

smothered in his protection

and perfectness.

And he...

he gave me a ring.

An engagement ring?

No, no, no, no. God, no.

No, a...

Oh, cute.

A promise ring. I know.

Now... now what do I say

after that?

Look at that dog.

What's he doing?

What the...? What?

- Nice dinners, a lot of sun.

- Guys, come over here.

- And a lot of sex.

- There's a dog.

What the f*** is that?

Okay, who brought the dog?

- What the...?

- Stay back.

Get inside. Close the door.

Close the door. Close the door.

- Oh, my God.

- Shut the f*** up.

Shh.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

- It's a f***ing dog, dude.

- A f***ing dog?

It's not just a f***ing dog.

He's got, like, rabies or something.

- Whoa. Don't open the door.

- What? I was just gonna look.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay.

Guys, it's getting dark

and apparently we have a crazed dog

stalking the premises,

so why don't we just lock up the fort

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