The Diamond Arm Page #3

With just a twist of your wrist,

your trousers are changed...

your trousers are changed...

the trousers are changed...

to elegantly looking shorts.

You will forgive us the delay

due to a technical incident.

And finally, we present our latest

model,

a beach ensemble

Mini-bikini-69.

Why is the chief here?

The plans been changed. Youll pull

off the operation at White Rock.

- Why?

- Not such a big crowd there.

They dont bite at White Rock!

Theyll bite so well that our customer

will forget about everything.

Is all the rest according to the plan?

Everythings the same otherwise.

Youll knock him out a little...

You know, thats not artistic.

But its cheap and very practical.

Chip off the plaster and we split.

What about my alibi?

Try and get marks of violence

on your face.

But Im begging you to...

Dont you worry, Kozlodoyev.

Kozodoyev!

Kozlodoyev!

Ill bash you real carefully,

but hard.

Good evening.

Where are you going so late at night?

Im going fishing early in the morning,

and I forgot to go to the bakers.

Theres one open

at the other end of town.

Poor guy!

To think that it shouldve been me.

Get drunk and itll be you.

Lets load him on.

Good evening, Semyon Semyonovich!

But I dont know you.

- Call me Volodya.

- Senya.

I bring you greetings from

Mikhail Ivanovich.

He wants to see you urgently.

- When?

- Why not now?

Then Ill be late to buy bread.

Dont worry, Ive got my car.

Well, thanks very much, Volodya.

Good night.

I wish you a good fishing trip.

Youre sure youll be going

to the Black Stones?

Yes.

Good night then!

Our tenants dont go to the bakers

in a taxi.

I guess this is it.

Or maybe...

We shouldnt have come here.

The fish bite better at Black Stones.

Theyre going to bite so well here

that youll forget about everything.

Help!

Help me!

SOS!

Lyolik!

Idiot!

Mama! Im going to die!

Lyolik!

Help!

Mama!

- Why are you yelling like that?

- Dont interfere, boy!

Lets pray to our Lord...

Get out of my way, milksop!

Get out of here!

There go ducks flying...

As well as two geese...

The chiefs giving us a big chance

to make it up to him.

The place for this new operation

under the code name wild duck...

will be a restaurant called

The Weeping Willow Tree.

Straight north of the building,

about a hundred yards off,

therere toilettes of a john kind...

which are designated on the map

by the letters M and W.

The path leading to the toilettes

goes by a spruce tree,

where I will be.

Thatll be our stationing.

Your mission is to invite the customer

to the restaurant for dinner,

then bring him to the right condition

until he wants... to wash up.

After you show him the way,

you immediately regain

your original position.

Youve got an alibi

no one will challenge,

while our customer, passing by the

spruce tree, gets into my hands.

Everything that follows is just

a matter of expertise.

But how am I going to bring him to

the right condition? He doesnt drink.

To quote our chief,

When theres a sucker who pays

youll see teetotalers drink,

including those who have ulcers.

With just a salary to live on,

you cant take taxis!

Give me a hundred tickets.

If you buy them, just imagine,

you can win...

A fire engine!

Stop your advertising. Im not buying

tickets to win.

Peddle these tickets

to our tenants.

If they wont buy,

Ill cut off their gas.

Is everything perfectly clear?

Hang around all the markets,

and the free exchange stores.

Be seen in the restaurants.

Let people see you as much as you can.

Here, for your expenses.

No, no, I wouldnt think of it!

Please, no initiative.

Take it, its five hundred rubles.

In the new denomination?

- Something wrong with your head?

- I hid the cash.

- Come on, Semyon Semyonovich...

- I got it.

And take this.

Whats that for?

You can never tell.

I havent had it in my hands

since the war.

Its not a real gun,

its rather psychological.

You can use it to scare someone.

We loaded it with blanks.

Cant I have a real one?

You can never tell.

- No, youd better not.

- I see.

Semyon Semyonovich,

whats the matter with you?

Thats how it should be.

The Weeping Willow Tree Restaurant

Fedya, wed like to have also...

a wild duck.

No problem.

- What are we going to drink?

- Beer for me, huh?

A bottle of vodka and a bottle of

cognac. And two bottles of beer.

Oh, I forgot to call my mother.

One second...

Good evening!

I told Fedya to bring a wild duck.

I hope you have some?

Lyolik, Im waiting.

Soon our customer will be ripe.

I saw the chief. Hes here.

- Is this one taken?

- Yes, sorry.

Thats it. Here we go again.

Keep calm.

And dont sit there. Act.

Excuse me, wheres the telephone?

Thanks.

This is Semyon Semyonovich Gorbunkov.

Please send a taxi to the Weeping

Willow Restaurant.

Its urgent.

Well, shall we start?

No, no, Ive got my beer.

Hes watching me.

Let him see that Im drinking.

- Heres to your bonus.

- And may it not be the last one.

After the first drink, one never eats.

Lets drink some vodka to your health!

All right.

Have a chaser.

Ill bet that if anyone of you

had found a treasure,

you would have done exactly

like I did.

What are you going to do

with your reward?

For the money that the state

has to pay me by law...

on my friends advice,

Im going to buy a Moskvitch car.

The very latest model!

One second.

The customer is nearly ripe.

You better get ready!

Im always ready!

You idiot!

- What do you want?

- To see you, pal.

- Dont you recognize me?

- I dont think so.

- Lets have a drink.

- Why not?

I didnt recognize you right away

either.

Why did you shave your mustache?

I said, why did you shave off

your mustache, dumbbell?

Whose mustache?

- To whom have I the honor?

- I went to school with this dumbbell.

Why did Volodya shave his mustache?

Senya, hurry up and tell the comrade

why Volodya shaved his mustache.

Weve got very little time.

Sorry, Im mistaken.

If youd had a mustache, youd be

the double of Volodya Trynkin.

- At what time does your plane leave?

- Yes, the plane...

If you get a chance to go to Siberia...

If you get a chance to go to Siberia,

youll be very welcome.

Why dont you better come to see us?

See you around.

Im glad hes not the smuggler.

He looks like a likable guy.

Why did I drink all that stuff?

Senya, are you in the right condition?

- What condition?

- The right one?

No!

- In that case, one more drink...

- No!

You must!

Senya, do you respect me?

I do, but Im through.

- Then Im going to bite you.

- Go ahead.

Guesha, people are staring.

- Will you drink with the duck?

- Why not?

- Fedya, the duck!

- The duck!

- Is that a duck?

- Thats a duck!

They dont drink vodka with duck.

We must drink...

I get you. Fedya, champagne!

- Heres to you.

- Thanks.

Perhaps you wish to wash up a bit?

You heard what he said?

Time to wash up! Lets go.

- And the duck?

- It wont fly away. Its cooked.

Behave yourself... Hurry up!

Straight north of the place,

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