The Dirty Dozen Page #4

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-Dumbo, get me a cup of coffee.

-You crazy?

I say shut the guy up.

-Sleepy time.

-Hey, jump through this, will you?

Hey, you. Come here.

You look like an intelligent guy.

-You like it here?

-No.

You gonna stay here?

-Well, I ain't got nowhere else to go.

-Ah, you're an idiot.

Hey, Wladislaw.

You understand German.

Who's that dame singing about?

Well, it's about a very lonely girl. . .

. . .who's sick and tired of war

and being left alone.

-Waiting for her man to come home.

-Keep that cheap, wailing slut quiet!

Let's cut out the community sing.

Get some sleep. You're gonna need it.

Up yours.

Creeps. They're all creeps.

That's what they are. Creeps.

-Hey, where you going?

-Going to the can.

-Want me to come with you?

-You kidding?

They're after Franko.

You trying to get us all hung?

We're all dead anyway. Don't tell me

you believe that creep Reisman.

Want that slick bum to make suckers

out of you? Whose side are you on?

What's with you?

What is this, anyway?

Uncle Tom week?

You come with me, we're home free.

He doesn't give a damn about you.

If we go on that mission, we all

get killed. That's what they want!

Those idiots in there are gonna get shot,

and they're not even due for hanging.

You, you slob, you slob.

What do you think you got coming?

-Slipped on a bar of soap, huh?

-Yeah.

Pull with your arms,

hold with your legs.

Pull with your arms,

hold with your legs.

Come on, Jiminez. Move it.

When the time comes. . .

. . .you've got exactly 34 seconds

to clear that distance.

I really can't make it, major.

Oh, come on, Jiminez.

Move it. Don't stop now.

I can't! I can't!

-Come on, Jiminez. Move.

-I really can't.

I can't make it, major.

I can't make it! I can't make it!

Jiminez! You come back down that rope,

you're going straight back to prison.

I can't. I can't!

Really, I can't.

Sergeant, give me that weapon.

Take a spin on that rope.

I can't make it. I can't make it!

I can't!

I really can't make it, major.

I can't!

Boy, look at him go now!

So you couldn't make it, huh?

Okay, Posey, let's see a little

of that Apache know-how.

Re-thread that pulley and get another

rope down here. Come on!

Give these other characters

a crack at immortality.

You said Mayonnaise was the only one

supposed to get on top of that chateau.

But suppose Jiminez gets killed before

he gets to the top of that chateau.

-Come on, Posey. Move it.

-Come on, get that thing up here.

We'll have it ready in a minute, major.

All right, Franko, you're next.

All right, so much for hygiene

on the field.

Now, which one of you guys would

like to stick this in the major?

Well, major, if it's gonna

help the war effort. . . .

Franko, sit down.

You'll get your chance.

Well, let's see. . . .

-Posey.

-Me?

Yeah, step out here.

I'd rather not, sir.

Look, Posey, it's just an example.

Come on, now. Step out here.

Now, will you hold this knife?

Posey, it's got a scabbard on it.

It can't hurt anybody.

Tell me, Posey,

what did they lock you up for?

I mean, what did you do?

I already told you that, sir.

Well, tell me again.

I'm sure that your friends

over here would like to know too.

-What'd you do, Posey?

-Yeah, fill him in.

This fella kept pushing me.

I don't like to be pushed, so I hit him.

Killed a man with your bare hands

because he shoved you?

I only hit him once.

Only hit him once.

And drove his jawbone right through

his brain because he pushed him.

-I didn't mean to kill him.

-You didn't mean to kill him, but you did.

Now, what would you do if you meant

to kill somebody? Could you do it?

If you had to kill somebody with a knife,

do you think you could do it?

-Come on. Tell me.

-I'd rather not.

I don't care what you'd rather do.

Come on, stick that knife in me.

You can do that. Come on.

Major, I don't want to do this.

Come on, Posey. Just stick it

right here in me, it won't hurt.

Come on.

-I don't want to hurt you.

-You're not. I'm gonna hurt you.

-Posey, stick me.

-I don't want no trouble.

You got no trouble. I'll give you

all the trouble you'll get.

Come on, now, Posey. Just stick

that knife right there, right there.

You're a big boy.

You killed a man for shoving you?

I'm shoving you.

-Come on. Let me have it.

-Stick him!

I'm talking to you. Give it to me or I'm

gonna shove you right through the wall!

Come on, Posey. Give it to him!

-Stab him!

-Get him, Posey! Come on, Posey!

I want that knife.

Why won't you give it to me?

-I don't like to be shoved, major.

-You're being shoved!

-Stick him!

-Knock him down, Posey!

Posey. What a name for a guy like you.

-Stop!

-Don't tell me what to do.

-I'm giving orders.

-I don't like pushing.

Give it to him, Pose! Come on!

I don't like to be shoved.

Stop pushing!

Posey. Posey!

-Posey.

-Yes, sir?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

All right, now. Relax.

Come on, get up.

You know, you learn how to take care

of that temper of yours. . .

. . .ain't nobody gonna take

this knife away from you.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Okay, major. We're all set.

All right, you go in

and see Captain Kinder.

-What's he gonna do?

-He's just gonna talk to you, Posey.

-Brush yourself off and go on in.

-Yes, sir.

All right, which

of you gentlemen is next?

Come on. I'm looking for a volunteer.

All right, Maggott. You're next.

Speed it up, men.

Come on, speed it up.

They're looking good.

Yes, sir. I hope they don't forget

what they're getting in shape for.

Captain Kinder figures

maybe he can teach me letters.

Folks back home would be proud

if I could write.

Well, that would put you way ahead

of most of the guys around here.

-Better fall in and join them.

-Yes, sir.

It's true that I've been blessed. . .

. . .with an insight into women

that others don't have.

And sometimes. . . .

Well, sometimes I'm called upon. . .

. . .to use it in our beloved master's will.

If women are your special province, why

do you hate Major Reisman so much?

There are 11 evil men out there. . .

. . .and they must be punished

for their wickedness.

And this Major Reisman,

he just snatched them up. . .

. . .from the brink of the pit, and he

cheated the master of his vengeance.

And you think that's what God wants?

To punish these men?

Oh, he will, captain. He will.

And Major Reisman too.

-So, what does that give you?

-It doesn't give me anything.

But along with these other results,

it gives you. . .

. . .about the most twisted, anti-social

bunch of psychopathic deformities ever.

And the worst, the most dangerous

of the bunch is Maggott.

You've got one religious maniac,

one malignant dwarf, two near-idiots. . . .

And the rest, I don't even want

to think about.

Well, I can't think of a better way

to fight a war.

The results of these tests

point to the fact that each man. . .

. . .has a built-in resentment against

any kind of authority. Any kind.

-Don't you?

-But this is different.

These guys think the U.S. Army

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