The Dog Problem Page #8

Look, I don't know what

kind of sick person you are.

I mean,

from the few conversations we've had,

I assumed there was

something wrong with you.

But had I known you were

capable of something this low,

I never would have sold you

the dog in the first place.

You really should consider

some counselling, sicko.

I mean, you don't want the dog, fine.

There's millions of people

that would love to have him.

Here's the deal.

I'm calling the Humane Society.

You want to talk?

I'm here till 8:
00.

Message saved.

End of messages.

What the f***?

Doggie?

Are you trying to tell me that dog

walked all the way over here by itself?

That's what I'm telling you, Brad.

You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox.

looks like it's going to rain today

in this f***in' hole.

I am so f***in' over

the moon it's not funny.

Well, maybe it's better this way.

Who knows?

I think I might marry this girl.

Candy.

I really like her.

I'll kill you, pal.

I'll kill you.

Oh, get the f*** outta here.

Look at this.

Bang!

Hey!

How'd he do that?

How the f*** did he learn how to do that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

He does it when he hears a horn, too.

I think that when he ran away

he had a close call with

a car or something,

and thought he was dead.

Hey.

Hey you.

- Hey!

- Hey.

Bang!

Not for me.

It's all right.

It's good that you have it and I don't.

Hello.

Ugh!

Really, lady, just relax, okay?

It's just underwear.

Well, I think you're

making the right decision.

- You do?

- I do.

It's not some sort of repeat

abandonment thing or anything?

I don't know.

Is it?

Okay, don't do that.

Don't do what?

Okay, you're still doing it.

Why did you buy the dog?

So... so I could love it.

Okay.

Then why are you doing

what you're doing now?

Just because I think it's

the right thing to do.

Good.

Now out of what place?

Out of what place are you going to do it?

I mean is it, what, fear?

Uh, confusion?

Is it frustration?

I mean,

is just that you simply can't handle it?

No.

Then what is it?

It's love.

It's Howard, by the way.

What?

My name.

Howard.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Oh, you're all wet.

Come... come in.

No, wait... you know,

I wanted to show you

something really quickly.

Oh, my God!

You found him.

Where was he?

Hi, little buddy.

Oh, where was he?

Oh, it's a long story.

Oh, come in.

I totally want to hear it.

Well, uh, actually, I g... I got to go.

I, uh... I'm...

I'm taking off for a little bit.

A friend of mine just

bought a hotel up in...

up in Needles, New Mexico,

and I...

and I thought that, uh...

well, I...

I kind like the way it sounded,

Needles, New Mexico.

It has a nice alliteration.

Anyway, I...

I thought it would be a good idea to...

to, uh... to get away

and try to get some writing done.

Right.

And, uh...

I just wanted to say goodbye and...

thank you.

And, uh...

And what?

Well, I-I want you to have him.

What?

You're wrong.

It's good to love something.

Painful or not, it's worth it.

I think...

I think the only thing worse

than having something

and living with the fear of losing it

is not having it and...

and looking back with regret.

'Cause life is a...

is a delicate negotiation.

And I know it's none of my business,

but I think you should

go back to cutting hair.

I... I...

It's just an opinion.

You can take it or leave it.

I can't take your dog, Solo.

No, you need him.

No.

Why not?

Believe me, I...

I want him but he think he's...

he's much better off with you.

He's safer, anyway.

You can... you can have...

Do you want him?

I do.

Yeah, I do.

I do.

Good.

Good.

That's good.

Well, I'm going to leave

before I start crying, okay?

Okay.

Oh, I... I name...

I named him, by the way.

You can change it if you want,

but I named him Spot.

Spot?

You named him Spot?

Yeah, no, I just thought,

you know, something normal.

Uh, solid dog name, you know.

But he doesn't have any spots.

I know.

Well, you can change it if you want.

Really?

You won't mind?

Uh, no, no, not really.

No.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I don't know what to say.

No, that's okay.

All right, okay.

I'm... I'm gonna...

- Needles?

- Yeah.

- New Mexico.

- Yeah.

Right.

Bye, Spot.

I love you.

You didn't walk here, did you?

This is Jonesy here from Jonesy's Jukebox.

My neighbour's got this f***in' dog

that don't stop barking.

I'm thinking of ways to kill it.

The best I could come up with

was you get a bunch

of f***in' rattlesnakes,

you sling 'em over the yard.

Baby ones, 'cause they really sting

and they don't know

when to stop putting in the venom.

And then one of them's

going to get the f***in' dog,

is going to kill it and no

one's going to get blamed

'cause they're going think

it's a natural f***in' thing.

You know what I mean?

It's a snake.

It's not like me going over there

with poison and poisoning the bastard.

I think that's the best one.

I think that's what I'm gonna do.

You're listening to Jonesy.

Take it away, me old son.

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