The Dog Who Saved Christmas Page #6

They always bite me.

Come on, give me that.

Give me that thing.

- Stop it.

- Give that thing back.

- What's wrong with you?

- Look look.

Argh!

I'm not going in there with dogs.

I hate dogs.

(cat mews)

We're coming back here

in two hours.

I've got a plan for that dog.

Shh.

Hey, Dad, when are we

gonna get there?

Trust me, son,

when we get there, we will be there.

Hey, Mom, when are we

gonna get there?

Kids, why don't we sing

a Christmas song, a happy song?

Oh, that's a great idea, honey.

Dashing through the snow

in a one-horse open sleigh

Through the fields we go,

laughing all the way, ha ha ha.

George:
Well, Benji,

we're finally here.

The Bannisters made it

to Grandma's.

Ben:
Great. Flat soda

and stale pretzels, here we come.

George:
Hey, it's Christmas.

Show some Christmas spirit, will ya?

(humming a tune)

- Great pretzels, Mom.

- Oh, I made them.

When? Last Christmas?

Well, it's German.

It should be hard.

Hey, not at the table.

- A pretzel?

- Oh, you love those, honey.

Yeah, not those.

Well, what are we doing?

Look at this.

We are making popcorn.

- Oh, this is gonna be so fun, huh?

- Isn't it?

Yeah. Come on, cheer up.

Santa is gonna be here later tonight.

He is.

I hope somebody's been good.

Oh, we're gonna have to leave

some milk and cookies out for Santa

in case he gets hungry, you know.

What's the matter?

Who's gloomy?

Oh, gloomy faces.

Santa's not gonna like that, or his elves.

So somebody'd better smile.

Oh, this one broke.

Come on, guys, this is fun.

Santa is looking right now

down from the chimney

and going, "Hmm, I don't know

if I want to visit those kids.

They're not very happy."

Oh, let's face it, I'm just not good

at confrontation anymore.

These paws have seen

better days.

I'm a has-been, or maybe worse...

a never-was.

I won't let these guys

ruin Christmas.

I'm gonna go out

and get some help.

And when these guys come back

they're gonna be sorry.

All I have to do is sneak past

the crazy cat lady's house.

Come on, you can do it.

Mush mush mush, Zeus.

No stopping until l...

oh, a tree branch.

(whines)

Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark.

(groans) Huh?

Where am I?

What is this place?

Oh, no.

I'm in the cat's den

with that crazy cat broad.

Wait, what's with the poker?

Cat lady:
Hey, buddy.

(Zeus sniffs) Stew?

Uh-oh, it might be laced.

- How are you doing?

- But I'm starving.

You were out cold.

We fixed you up pretty good,

didn't we, Chegwee?

Chegwee:
Unfortunately.

You just don't listen to those stories

that kids tell.

You know, people get

the wrong idea.

They think 'cause I don't put

any lights outside for Christmas,

I'm a Scrooge.

Truth is, I just don't have

anybody to help me.

That's what happens when you outlive

most of your family.

That's why it's just Chegwee and me.

So don't worry,

I'm not gonna send you

to the pound anytime soon.

- Well, that's a relief.

- If you behave.

Say what?

Are you hungry?

You know, I could really go

for some of that stew right now.

On, no, wait.

What am I saying?

You stay there.

Hey, you, what's your name?

Zeus. Why are you whispering?

You know she can't hear us, right?

Yeah, right. Keep it down.

So what's it like being a dog?

Today it stinks.

What's it like being a cat?

It's not so bad. You get to spy

on people through windows

and poop inside.

Keep it down. Here she comes.

A Christmas feast.

Zeus:
Stew! Yeah!

A dog's best friend.

All right, now sign of poison.

Oh, you were hungry.

All right.

That's some tasty stew.

Well done, cat lady.

You know, I've been watching you.

And I don't mean to pry

or get personal,

but I've noticed

you don't bark.

Great. Does everybody on the block

know I can't bark?

What are you afraid of?

Let's just say the last time I barked

something bad happened.

And now everything's all messed up

and I don't know what to do.

Fear is a funny thing.

You let it in and it starts to overtake

every part of your life.

Long time ago my dog Rufus...

he attacked me.

Yeah.

I found out the hard way

he didn't like dried Kibble.

She's still feeding me Kibble.

Thanks.

One day he just snapped,

tore through my best sweater

like a wild hyena.

I had to give him away,

which is probably where

the rumor got started.

And for the longest time

I was afraid of every dog.

And then one day I realized

that it was silly

to let one incident

make me afraid of all dogs.

Everybody had fears,

but you just gotta face them.

And when you do,

they go away.

They do?

Well, I was the number-one K-9

in my division

until that day.

Get down, Zeus. Get down.

Zeus, Zeus, Zeus.

- (Zeus barking)

- Stop him from barking.

Zeus, get down.

Stay back.

Zeus:
It was my fault.

Because of my barking,

I blew a five-year investigation.

And to top it off, my partner

broke his trigger finger.

He was never able

to shoot straight again.

You can't use what happened there

as an excuse

to stop being what you are.

You gotta be

what you were meant to be

and do what you were

meant to do.

Hey, this old cat

may have a point.

(whistling)

Girl on TV:
Come on,

Chappy, come on. You can do it.

Boy on TV:
You're the greatest

dog of all.

Thank you.

I wish we could keep Zeussy.

Ben:
Yeah, I bet Zeus can do that.

Belinda:
No, honey.

This is just a TV show.

In real life

dogs can't do that.

- Yes, they can.

- No, they can't.

- That's what they are made for.

- Don't tell them that. That's not true.

I'm telling them

what's in the magazine.

The magazine is not correct.

What are you watching?

Oh, "Chappy the Dog."

What's going on?

Why do you think I read this thing?

I don't know why you read this thing.

This is absurd.

- Well, it's to inform myself.

- That is not a real dog.

Yes, it is.

- It's a good magazine.

- It's Christmas.

I don't care.

It's a good magazine.

Oh, I've seen this episode.

Do you know what's gonna happen?

Chappy is gonna get to that girl

before her mother does.

And then Chappy's gonna

save that little girl. And then...

- Grandma, do you mind?

- Sorry.

I can be the dog I once was.

I was trained to fight crime

and that's what I'm gonna do.

When those perps come back,

you bet Chegwee's whiskers I'll be ready.

Okay, I need to gather

weapons and ammo.

Can't use those...

too small.

Okay, let me see, let me see,

let me see.

Ooh, maybe I can use Santa

as a decoy.

No no no, too big, too big.

Bingo. Yes!

My K-9 sense is tingling.

Peekaboo, you robbers you.

You definitely want to do this?

Yeah. Turn the car off.

Now remember what I said...

no funny business.

Define "funny business."

Like that time on the Smith Street job

when I walked in

and you were raiding

the refrigerator.

Prune juice, liverwurst

and potato-chip sandwiches...

that's funny business.

I was constipated.

- A liverwurst sandwich?

- They didn't have no bologna.

You know I like my bologna fresh

and thin-sliced from the butcher,

not that supermarket stuff.

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