The Double Page #2

actually getting frightening.

Well, like a little bit frightening. It

was more annoying than frightening, so...

I went up to him and he looked

over his shoulder at me

as if to say, "who, me?"

Like he hadn't been stalking me.

And so I looked at him square in the eyes

and I said, "what do you want from me?"

And he starts stumbling and mumbling

and says, "I think I'm

falling for you."

And I said, "do you think

just staring at me

is some kind of meaningful gesture?

What exactly do you think

is going to happen here?

Do you think you know who I am?

You know, that if you

stare long enough,

I'll just turn around one

day and I'll kiss you?

Like we're going to

somehow be together?

Stop f***ing following me!"

And he did.

- My God, when was this?

- Last night.

Do you think there's a connection?

No. I mean, it sounds like he

had a lot of things going on.

I mean, maybe he just wanted

somebody to notice him.

You know, a person can get

really sick of just floating by.

But I attract so many weirdos.

Anyway what's your story?

- When did you move into the building?

- A long time ago.

Yeah, I definitely

didn't move in recently.

Thanks for this.

I feel better.

Hey, I just got my ears pierced.

That's weird, huh, at my age?

No. I mean, you're not that old or weird.

You're just...

- Hey, you got a call.

- Oh, it's not for me.

Frumpy-looking guy named Simon?

That's me. Yeah.

Would you excuse me? Mom?

No, it's just a night terror.

No, that didn't ever happen.

I know I'm a disappointment.

I have to go now. I'm with a girl.

Yes, a female girl.

I don't know if she's fertile.

"Thanks for the talk. Maybe

see you at the ball.

Here, play a song for me. Hannah."

No, nothing, you're not here.

My card hasn't been working.

Why does no one else

have to swipe in?

- See you in there!

- Harris. Wait, Harris, he knows...

Harris, could you please

tell her who I am?

- I've never seen this man before in my life.

- You're not here.

- I've worked here for seven years.

- You're just not here.

Why would I try to break into

something that's mandatory?

- Planning on breaking in?

- You know what "mandatory" means?

- 'Cause that's not allowed.

- It means that no one wants to be here.

You don't know what I want.

I was born

In east Virginia

North Carolina

I did love

There I met

A very pretty baby

Her name and age

I do not know

Well, in my heart you are

My darling

At my door

You are welcome in

At my gate

I meet you, my darling

If your love

I could only win...

You're not meant to be here.

I have worked here for seven years.

I am an employee of this company.

You'd be well-advised

to let go of me.

Do not test my strength.

Still in the night...

I'm dreaming about you...

Sir, this is not me.

This is not me.

No. This is not me, sir!

Just the thought

Of you, my darling...

Sends aching pains

All through my breast.

I bought you a present, but I

decided it wasn't appropriate.

Hmm?

I bought you a present, but I

decided it wasn't appropriate.

Oh.

Okay.

I really didn't kick it that hard.

The hardness of the

kick was recorded.

- Super.

- I don't know what I was thinking.

- I've never done anything like that before.

- If I could just trouble you for your card?

- Yeah.

- Magic.

I'm afraid this card is corrupted.

Corrupted? What does

that mean, "corrupted"?

You will receive a replacement

within six to eight weeks.

Well, how will I get in

and out of the building?

Lovely.

This one?

Er, no, that one. And

it's worth checking

- after a couple of screen pages.

- How do you not kill yourself?

Jesus, that was brutal last night.

So embarrassing getting chucked out.

- Hannah saw the whole thing, of course.

- Oh, yeah, you got it. That's it.

Do you think you're being encouraging?

Is that why you keep saying things?

Maybe you should get your printer

fixed is what I'm saying.

- Are you touching my earlobe?

- Yes, I am.

Aren't you like a

million years old?

- Don't fight this.

- Harris, that's not appropriate.

Why won't you die?

We could really use

a bright young man like you.

Especially right now, with

the big push and all.

I'd like to introduce everyone

to our newest co-worker.

A bright young man who I'm

sure will be an asset.

He was the only one not fired in

the final cull at our sister office.

Even the cockroaches

didn't survive.

Well, I'll let you get

started, young hotshot.

Soon you'll have my job.

Everyone, please

welcome James Simon.

There's no need to be alarmed.

My cleaning lady's a diabetic.

We just need to jam a

cookie down his throat.

No, no, sir, I'm not diabetic.

- It's just a shock that...

- Don't worry, son.

We're not replacing you. I'm not one

of these holier-than-thou types.

Drugs can be healthy for a person.

Just leave it out of the office.

No, no, not drugs, sir. No, no.

Last night was a

mistake. And now...

Now... now this strange

man, I just...

No need for details.

It's happened to us all.

Have a drink of water

then get back to work.

Harris.

Harris, have you spoken

to the new employee?

- James? Yeah sure, I met him.

- And?

He seems all right.

But did you notice anything

strange about him?

- I mean, did he remind you of anyone?

- No.

- No one at the office?

- No.

Okay. Would...

Can I... could you...

Would... could I please just...

You can...

Thank you.

Yeah.

- Who did you have in mind?

- Me, for instance.

Oh yeah, suppose so.

You suppose so?

Yeah yeah, you look just like him.

- Yes, I do, don't I?

- Yeah, and you're not even Chinese.

- It's pretty f***ed up.

- Yes, it is that.

Now now why didn't you notice?

Well, no offense, mate, but...

You're pretty unnoticeable.

Bit of a non-person.

What'll it be?

What, do you want to go...?

Okay, no, sorry then.

I'll just have a...

Coke and a bagel.

- We're out of bagels.

- Oh.

Right, then, um...

Right. Then I'll just...

- Come on.

- Right, sorry, I just...

I'll just... I can just have

the coke then, I guess.

- A coke. And you?

- A coffee.

- A coffee.

- And scrambled eggs.

We don't serve breakfast

in the evening.

- Why not?

- Because it says so on the menu.

- Well, do you still have eggs here?

- Yeah.

- And do you have a frying pan?

- Yeah.

Then do me a favor and make

me some scrambled eggs.

- Fine. Anything else?

- Bacon.

- Bacon.

- And toast.

- And toast.

- And a beer.

And a beer. Anything else?

- No, that's it.

- Are you sure?

Just get me the damn food.

- What? I'm hungry.

- No, it's just...

I don't know, I would

have never done that.

- You don't like eggs?

- No, I mean, I just...

Don't think I would feel comfortable

talking to someone like that.

She's a waitress. She's

here to serve us.

If you don't tell her what you

actually want, how can she do her job?

No, I can see that... She can

be a little short sometimes,

and I do think being forthright

certainly has its place.

And I'm not, like, criticizing

your behavior or anything.

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