The Double Page #5

- Key.

- No.

Key. I have more.

Fine.

I'll get a copy cut.

Save future confusion.

- Well, this better be good.

- Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry.

You need to step up, Stanley. I

wanna see some real work from you.

Actually, I'm working on

something at the moment, sir.

- Something that I...

- Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.

Simon, I think that James

is seeing someone else.

And he told me that you sometimes watch my

apartment from a telescope in your room,

which I'm fine with actually,

I don't really mind.

It's kind of reassuring

in a strange way, but...

Wanna go to the coffee

room? It's a little public.

It could be interesting to find out who

else he's seeing. Are you hearing this?

- Does that mean he's not seeing you?

- Not that he's even trying to hide it.

He's not a very good guy.

Which I know and I always have known,

but to be made a fool of by him?

One second. By a villain.

- I knew what he was...

- Oh no. It's not your fault.

Then he'd say something

about how he knew me,

that he could tell I was a lonely person,

because he knew what it was like

to be lonely and

lost and invisible.

Like...

Like someone could just push

their hand straight through you.

I think you should

definitely not see him.

He told me he felt like Pinocchio.

- Do you know who Pinocchio is?

- No.

He's this wooden boy.

He's held up by strings.

He wants to feel like a real boy.

Do you understand?

- No.

- I feel like Pinocchio.

Okay.

So is that okay if I come

to your apartment tonight?

I know it's kinda strange to ask

but I wanted to see for myself,

you know, if he's taking

girls back there.

No, I'm sorry, that's not

possible because I have to work.

I'm not gonna be home

tonight, I'll be here.

But that's okay, you can

just give me your key.

- I don't have a key.

- You don't have a key?

No.

You don't have a key

to your own apartment?

- No.

- How do you get in?

- I can't get in.

- Why are you lying?

I'm not. I just don't know...

If it's a good idea

to spy on people.

And...

I think you might be

becoming a little obsessive.

- Why are you touching me?

- I'm not.

I just...

Also...

Feel like Pinocchio.

You're a snake.

I haven't done anything wrong.

What is your name?

I'm a visitor. I would

like to sign in.

What is your name?

My name is Simon James.

You're wanted in worker

services, Simon James.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Poor chap.

Oh.

- You don't exist any more.

- Excuse me?

- You're no longer on the system.

- Well, just put me back in the system.

- I can't put you back in the system.

- Why?

Because you don't exist. I can't put

someone who doesn't exist in the system.

- But I used to be in the system.

- Not according to the system. In fact,

according to the system,

you've never existed.

- How reliable is the system?

- Hey, it's completely reliable.

Yes, but I used to

exist... I do exist!

- I'm standing in this room, aren't I?

- And?

- So how do I get back in the system?

- You need a card.

- Right. So can I please get a new card?

- No.

- Why?

- Because you're not in the system.

So, it's... Well...

So that's it?

That's it.

I'll leave you to make

your own arrangements.

- You okay, buddy?

- Yeah.

- Thanks, Harris.

- Yeah, it's gotta be pretty rough on you.

- Yeah, I guess it is.

- I, uh, got you this book.

James told us about your problems.

You need to read it pronto though;

it's only returnable through Friday.

- Thanks.

- No worries.

Hey, ah, I was just wondering...

Yeah, I'll help you

with your report.

- If you could have it ready by tomorrow.

- Fine.

- And tomorrow's Friday.

- I know.

So both the book and

the report need

- to be finished by tomorrow.

- Okay.

Friday. Yeah, oh, by the way,

if you're looking for James, he's

in the office with Papadopoulos.

Apparently he's written this incredible

report on how to increase efficiency.

Yeah, pap's pretty impressed.

Hey, you're f***ing boring;

What's regression analysis?

Oh, this one is so silly.

These two Chinese

virgins get married.

It's the night of the wedding,

they've just finished boning.

And the husband says, "that was

great, that was really great.

Is there anything else

you'd like to try?"

- And then the woman says...

- Mr. Papadopoulos?

- Hold on a sec.

- No, it's okay.

So the woman says, "I think

I would like to try # 69."

And the guy, he

thinks for a second.

And... pay attention,

Rudolph, you'll like this.

He says, "you want

breef with broccori?"

It is silly. What did I tell you?

- Sir. Sir, I think we need to talk.

- You! I can't believe you'd dare.

- Sir, I work here and I...

- You pervert.

James told me everything

about you and Melanie.

Hell knows she's handsome,

she's a Papadopoulos,

but to abuse a young

woman's trust like that?

Sir, this man is a fraud.

You should talk!

He's the finest employee

- we've ever had.

- Oh, sir, thank you.

He doesn't even know

what we do here.

Er, this and that.

Okay, what is regression analysis?

Who took your test for you?

Sir, I have been through

all of this in the report.

I think maybe he needs some help.

- He's gone a little crazy.

- No, no, no, no, no.

No sir, this cannot stand.

No, no, no, no.

Stay away from me. Stay

away from me. No, no, no, no.

No. No sir, he stole my face.

Look at me! Look at me!

Look at him! He stole my face!

- You need to leave.

- No!

You do! Get off of me!

Stanley!

- Give Rudolph his arm back!

- No, no, no, no, no!

Stay back! Stay back!

No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Stay away from me! No,

I need to see the Colonel.

- Stanley, we all love you.

- I need to see the Colonel.

The Colonel will understand.

- Please, where is the Colonel?

- You need help.

- No, I don't need help.

- What's the problem, Stanley?

Hey! You f***ers!

You don't know who

you're dealing with.

You don't know who you're

dealing with, you f***ers.

You f***ing fucks.

I am a person.

Stay back! Stay back, you fucks!

You f***ing f***ers!

I am a person!

I exist!

Here we are.

Has she ever tried

anything like this before?

- No.

- No? First timer!

Good stuff. Well,

these things happen.

You mustn't blame yourself.

Was it pills that she took?

I heard it was pills.

- Yes.

- Yes.

Fantastiche. How many pills

do you think she swallowed?

I have nought to 10, 10 to

20, 20 to 30, or 30-plus.

I don't know. I wasn't there.

- If you were to guess.

- I'm not going to guess.

- But if you had to guess.

- I don't have to.

- Is she going to be okay?

- I'll just stick a little

question mark on it for the moment.

What? What is it?

All bloody morning, you know.

How long have you two been married?

Would you excuse us,

please, Martin?

- Mr. James, can I have a word?

- Yeah, that's fine.

I'll just keep going with this...

And take care of this bloody guy!

Has she tried anything

like this before?

No, I don't think so.

- Do you fight a lot?

- Sometimes.

I'm afraid to say she's had

a miscarriage. I'm sorry.

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