The Dramatics: A Comedy

1

- Are you ready?

- - Give me a sec.

- You're ready now?

- I said give me a sec.

That was one second.

Very funny.

Hi. Hi. Hello.

Okay, yeah, I'm ready.

All right.

Here we go.

I'm going to take you now.

Not now.

That was not a request, Lucy.

Ow! Stop! Charlie!

The time has come for you

to reap what you've sewn.

Sewn. Sewn.

I'm the master.

You are my mistress.

W-w-wait but...

But, Charlie...

Babe, that's your line.

"Charlie rips off

Lucy's bloomers

and enters her from behind.

It's animalistic.

Passion exuding out

of every pore."

Is this for real?

- Yeah.

- Is that a real thing?

Babe, this is not good.

This is not good writing

and it's actually, like

very degrading to women

and I feel like

we sort of see eye to eye on the

feminism issue. You know what I mean?

Can we just do

another take, please?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Find out what it means to you.

Alright, from the top.

From the animalistic

f***ing or before that?

- Can we just... - You want to get

right before the animalistic f***ing?

Can we just take

it from the top?

The top of the f***ing

or the top of the scene?

- You want me to get you off?

- No, I'm okay.

Oh god, I can't believe I ate

all that ice cream last night.

I had a crazy f***ing dream.

- I feel so fat.

- I wish.

- Shut up.

- Yeah, another 20 pounds...

You're such a liar.

You're right.

Thirty, thirty-five pounds

Shut up.

We're on this train to India.

And it was like, all these

snakes on board.

These like little spiders. There's like,

like something about little spiders.

I can't remember.

And you were there and you almost

got attacked by, like this lion

or something like that. And like,

I tried, I tried to

save you and I couldn't.

I kept going like,

"I should have gotten that gun."

I should have gotten that gun.

- I should have gotten that gun.

- Mm...

May be you should

write a movie about that.

I don't need suggestions.

- I thought you were stuck.

- I'm not stuck.

I think I'm going to get a gun.

- We can't have guns.

- Why not?

We're liberals.

I don't give a sh*t.

When sh*t goes down,

we're gonna want guns.

I mean, I think we should

probably get jobs first.

Hey!

All right. Looking good, babe.

Sexy mama-ma-ma-mam-ma.

I have a meeting with my agent.

He said he wanted me to

just come by today

to talk about

some projects and stuff.

- Do I look okay?

- I mean, you look amazing, if that's all right.

- Hmm. Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

What's your deal today?

You're writing?

Yup. Feeling inspired.

- Really?

- F***, yeah, babe.

- Bye. Love you.

- Bye. Bye.

- I made you a PB & J.

- You're the best.

Also, Jim's out there

smoking pot.

Don't just go

smoke pot with him, okay?

All right. I don't even do that.

I will not. I cannot and I won't.

No, you can't.

Because I'm getting old

and my eggs are about

to shrivel up and die

and I want to have your

babies and a happy family.

And so we need to work hard

and make money, okay?

I'll all about it.

- Love you.

- Love you, too.

You're eggs aren't gonna

shrivel up and die.

Yeah, they are.

Don't smoke pot.

Smoke what? I couldn't...

I'm sorry.

I don't...

I couldn't hear you.

Love you.

Hey. How're you doing?

- How's, how's Katie?

- We're good.

Good.

Ever bother you that

she's such an ass-kicker?

And you're just a stoner?

- I'm not just a stoner.

- Of course you are.

She's not

just an ass-kicker.

- No one's just one thing.

- For sure, man.

Yeah, that's wh...

That's really what makes human beings

so awesome.

Is that it's our flaws

that make us beautiful.

And only when

you can love yourself

can you truly love

somebody else.

Where do you

get this stuff, man?

It's out there, you know.

In the air. You just gotta listen.

Listen, and the universe will

tell you all it's secrets.

No. The weed.

Oh. My cousin grows it

up in North Cal.

Nice.

- Smoking hot, right?

- Yeah!

I wish I was like that.

Wh... I-I-I...

I love that you just...

You just stopped by.

- Yeah.

- That's great.

Oh, uh, great take

for, uh, Master's Maiden

by the way.

- Oh!

- Mm-hmm.

- Good!

- Mm-hmm.

Great. Thanks.

Yeah.

Which, which take

did you choose?

Oh, what you sent, it was great.

There were...

I sent two takes.

One was like, more um,

I think just grounded.

- Mm-hmm.

- And the other was kind of like...

Just a little bit more frantic.

More like...

It was great.

You-you-you're familiar

with the book

The Erotic Fictions of

Nineteenth Century England?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Of course you are.

I mean, chicks love

that S&M sh*t.

It's sexy stuff.

- Yeah, really, I went through that book.

- Mm-hmm.

- Super fast.

- I mean, how about Bryan?

Right? Going straight

from an Oscar to directing

a cable mini series.

- Crazy.

- Crazy.

I guess he's obsessed with

the book or some sh*t.

I hear he's a f***ing maniac,

but I mean, talent's talent. Right?

Speaking of the devil,

Rebecca Moss had that part

at the audition for unlocked.

But she's like, great now.

So she had to drop out last minute to

shoot this new P.T Anderson thing.

Everybody's pissed off.

Uh, I mean, obviously going with

you would be like, you know,

a completely

different direction,

but, uh, you know,

they start shooting next week, so...

they're f***ed

if they don't find somebody.

Oh, good.

You have any

movie ideas, Loafie?

- Hey.

- Hey! How's writing going?

- Great.

- Are you stoned?

- No.

- Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

Are you sure?

I'm kinda

in the zone here, babe.

Oh! Okay, super,

super quick.

Casting loved my

Master's Maiden tape.

Oh, that was the sex one, right?

It's not just the sex one.

It would be a huge opportunity for me.

Bryan J. Macy is directing. And he wrote

it, and he's gonna play the lead.

He sucks.

He just won an Oscar.

Yeah, well, awards are stupid.

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. I'm great.

Other than the fact that I'm

broke and can't sell a movie.

I mean, I think you need to

write one first.

F*** money.

F*** money?

Just bummed people need money for stuff.

It sucks.

Okay.

Well, I just pulled up out front

and I'm gonna need

a new pilates tape.

So can I use the living room?

Um, I'm using the space

right now.

- For how long?

- For as long as it takes.

Well, can you

give me an estimate?

By the way, you know you're not gonna

get a job just by working out, right?

Like you're the supreme

expert on how to get a job.

You f***ed Alex Wilson Dickson,

by the way.

Where's that coming from?

It comes from me having to see his

stupid face on billboards everyday

for his stupid,

not-funny show.

Rebecca Moss is on the cover

of f***ing Perceive.

Oh, give me a break.

Okay?

She gave me

half a blowj*b one time

You had full sex with him.

No, I didn't.

I just hooked up with him.

And what is half a blow job?

Well, apparently, it's half the amount

of blowj*b you gave Alex Wilson Dickson.

By the way,

we're going there. Tonight.

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