The Dream Children Page #3

while to get moving.

But I'm onto it.

Now get the f*** out of here.

Go on.

Come on, slow poke.

Oh, shut up.

Mr. Competition.

Nice running style.

Shut up!

[laughs]

[text alert]

What's that?

Nothing.

Give us a look.

Nothing.

Give... give it here.

" If you're interested in the

family, but can't conceive,

call Nancy at Dreamland.com."

Well, that sounds about

right, doesn't it?

Dreamland.

You know, babies

manufactured to your choice,

just pay us a billion dollars.

No, no, no, look, she wants to

put up her baby for adoption.

She's flogging her baby

on the internet, Alex.

Oh, just give it to me.

She wants to put up her

baby for adoption privately.

- Don't sugarcoat it.

- I'm not sugarcoating anything!

It's either that or

it's a f***ing scam.

Will you just try this with me?

Alex, it won't work.

It won't work'?

No.

Oh, it won't work?

All right, well

then, prove it to me.

Prove to me this won't work,

because I'm ready for this.

Fine.

Fine?

But when this doesn't

work, you agree to stop.

All right?

This is it.

If... if this doesn't

work, then we're done.

We tried our best,

but it's over.

Agreed?

- If?

- If.

If.

She's late.

It's only three minutes, she

may have got the wrong place.

[high heels tapping]

Do you think that was her?

No, she doesn't have a

dog with her, does she?

No, she doesn't

have a dog with her,

but she doesn't have a

baby with her either.

Look, I... I don't think

she's going to show, Alex.

F*** it, let's go.

- No!

No, I'm staying.

All right.

You stay, I'm going.

Steve, just...

Excuse me?

Yes?

I'm looking for a

little white dog.

A dog-dog?

Yeah, a little white dog.

Are you Nancy, or...?

Yeah.

Where's your partner?

Uh, she couldn't make it, but

I brought a friend instead.

This is...

Hi, I'm Chris.

Yeah.

What-uh, wait, please!

- I've got to go.

- Wait, wait.

Please, please, please!

Where's... where's your wife,

or your girlfriend, or whatever?

Look, let's just sit

down and have a coffee.

Look, it's a bit...

It's a bit complicated,

but I'll explain everything.

Please.

OK.

But I can't stay long.

I've got to get to [inaudible].

I'll explain everything.

I've really got to go,

because I've got to get to...

That's OK, that's OK.

Look, um... Chris is...

I'm his partner.

Yeah.

- [scoffs]

- Look... no!

Please, please, just sit down.

Please just listen.

One minute, one coffee.

OK'?

I've really got to

get more [inaudible],

they can't get me

in before 4:
00.

All right, all right.

Um, I'll get the coffees.

Cappuccino, latte, macchiato-

Hot chocolate?

Long black, short black?

What will it be?

A scone.

A scone?

Two scones.

All right, two scones.

Thanks.

Please, sit.

Must be great to have a baby.

I haven't got it yet.

Oh, she's... she's

away, or... something?

No, you just can't

see it, not yet.

Why?

[scoffs] I'm pregnant.

Pregnant?

Yeah.

[sniffs]

[music playing]

Pregnant.

I just-I don't understand.

I mean...

- What, why?

- Why?

Why. why...

Yes.

Why I put the ad up?

Yes.

Why I wanted to sell it'?

'Cause I've got no money

and nowhere to f***ing go,

that's why.

So I could sell it lo...

A nice couple, you know.

And you seemed pretty cool.

And I get here, and all I

find is a... a couple of fags.

Yeah, all right.

OK, look.

Nancy?

Nancy, we can help you, OK'?

With-with the birth,

with the pregnancy.

All of it.

Other people have contacted

me, straight people.

Yeah, I... I understand that.

But we can help you.

It'll cost money, you know.

I'm not donating.

Of course.

I have to think about it.

I've got to go.

Chris will be back

in a... in a minute.

I'll contact you.

He'll...

I'll give you a call.

Nancy...

[airplane engine]

Alex, you're stressing

me out about this.

I can't talk now.

I'm at work.

Look, I'll give you a

call on the way home.

OK.

All right, bye.

I love you, too.

Sounds like someone's got

you on a short leash there.

Hey, Ajay!-

It's not very

often that we see...

Now, listen, Steven,

I want to talk to you

about some rumors

that are flying

around upstairs at the moment.

Has someone said they're

having my love child...

No, no.

There's a lot of talk going

around about you sucking cock.

Sucking cock?

Normally, I don't listen

to the sh*t that gets thrown

around upstairs,

but these rumors are

filtering up from the bottom.

And when they come from below,

you know, I tend to listen.

Nobody knows dirt

like the plebs.

Well, who's saying it?

Well, I don't want

to be saying anything.

Now, I don't give a

sh*t where you stick

your cock in your spare time.

You want to go dirt track?

That's your business.

But my business is this

show, and our demographic

is the nanas and the fat

old housewives that tune in

everyday to watch

your pretty little mug

smiling back at

her so they can get

all sopping wet in their seats.

Steven, no one is going

to tune in to watch

a fag give away prizes.

Even for SBS, this

is prime time, mate.

Mate, I'm prime time.

Good!

Good.

Then I'll go and tell the rumor

mill to go and f*** itself.

Yeah, do that.

You know what?

They're just jealous that I

get more p*ssy than they do.

[inaudible] get p*ssy?

You watch, they'll start

calling me Elton John.

Hey, Elton!

F***.

[Sighs]

Who the f*** would be talking?

It's bound to happen, Steve.

You're on TV, people say sh*t.

But they'd be saying it

even if you were straight.

Everyone has a G-A-Y

scandal at times...

Yeah, but I am!

That's the problem.

Hey!

Hey, that's not a problem.

The studio doesn't want

a fag as a host, Alex.

Oh, don't say that word!

Oh, well, how is

"unemployed" for a word?

You like that?

They're not going to

fire you for sucking cock.

Oh, no, they won't fire me.

They'll just replace

me, won't they?

Yeah, well, then you

shouldn't be working for them.

I like my job.

I like what I do,

and I like who I am.

Really?

Yeah.

Who are you?

Steven Evans.

I took on this job

knowing full well

the studio doesn't

want a f*ggot host...

Don't say that word!

Oh, f*** the word!

This is my career we're

talking about here.

You do like sucking cock.

[music playing]

[Sighs]

Oh, that's all right,

I've got this one.

Here you are, Steven.

So how's your day been?

Sh*t.

Ah.

Why's it been sh*t?

Just a sh*t day, Charlie.

Well, if there's anything

I can do to make it better,

all you have to do is ask.

That I will, Charlie.

That I Will.

Well, what are we

celebrating here?

Nancy.

Nancy?

Nancy, Nancy, Nancy.

She contacted me.

She wants to meet us.

Great.

When?

Don't know yet.

[airplane engine]

Look, Nancy, we'll

look after you.

OK'?

We'll get you

everything you need.

And you're free to change

of mind if you want.

No strings attached.

No strings attached?

No strings attached.

Like I said, I've

had other offers.

Yeah, I'm sure you have.

But we... we'll match

them, we'll double them.

Within reason, of course.

Your partner creeps me out.

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