The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox Page #7

Synopsis: It's 1882 on the Barbary Coast. Charlie Malloy aka the Dirtwater Fox, makes his living cheating at cards. His latest venture however is stealing $40,000 from a bunch of outlaws. Bluebird, a saloon performer and prostitute, wants an easy life. When a Mormon, Josiah Widdicombe, comes to town, Bluebird has the idea that being the seventh wife of a Mormon would be a good life - she only has to work once every seven days. She steals Malloy's bag with the money, unaware of the amount inside. She only wants enough to buy a dress to masquerade as a duchess for Widdicombe. The ruse works. On Bluebird's way to Salt Lake City, Malloy catches up with her. Although Bluebird still has every intention of becoming a Mormon wife, the two decide to partner on the scheme of Mormon riches. All the while, the outlaws are on their tail after their $40,000.
Genre: Comedy, Western
Director(s): Melvin Frank
Production: 20th Century Fox Film Corporation
 
IMDB:
5.6
Rotten Tomatoes:
20%
PG
Year:
1976
103 min
211 Views


Come on! Come on!

- Get some water here!

- [SHOUTING CONTINUES]

I'm pumpin' as fast as I can.

- Holy sh*t!

- [SHOUTING CONTINUES]

Someone's in there.

Go around the back. It's Dirtwater!

Go!

[GRUNTS]

[BLOODWORTH]

There he goes!

- There he is!

- All right, mount up! Come on, boys!

Come on!

- [GRUNTS]

- [YELLS]

Here we come, Duchess!

[GUNSHOT, BULLET RICOCHETS]

[BOTH GASP]

- You okay?

- Yeah, I'm okay.

- How about you?

- Okay.

- You just shot a man, Malloy.

- Tough sh*t!

- How many men you shot dead in your life?

- Including that one?

- Yeah.

- One.

[SIGHS]

I think we're safe.

You thought taking the money

was gonna be a cinch too.

Taking the money was a cinch.

It's keepin' it that's gettin' to be

a pain in the ass.

- Come on.

- God, Charlie. Oh, my God, you're hurt.

- Is there much pain?

- It don't even hurt!

What, do you think I fall apart

with one lousy, little bullet?

How many times you been

hit by bullets, Malloy?

Including this one?

- Yeah.

- Once. Come on.

Thanks, sweetheart.

- Cut 'em off that way.

- Got it.

[BLACKJACK SHRIEKS]

- Oh, poor Blackjack.

- Hope he didn't feel nothin'.

- [HORSE NEIGHS]

- [SCREAMING]

Come on! Let's get outta here!

Come on!

- [GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]

- Come on!

[GRUNTING, GROANING]

Oh!

Charlie!

Oh!

[GRUNTS, GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

Charlie?

[GROANING]

[GROANING CONTINUES]

You know, you're really

somethin', Duchess.

We're gonna make it

to Salt Lake, get you fixed up.

I can't, Duchess.

But you go on. I can't move.

Oh, yes, you can, you lazy,

no-good son of a b*tch.

Come on.

Get up off your butt.

Oh, Duchess, please.

Let me enjoy my last

few minutes in peace.

All right. If you wanna go ahead and die

like some chickenshit loser, then just do it!

- Die, for Christ's sake!

- I'm tryin' to, if you'd just shut up.

[GROANING]

Charlie? Charlie, look.

You forgot something.

The loot. The money.

Come here, Duchess.

Close to me.

I want to feel both of you.

Lived a lot of years...

lots of tight spots...

but I always talked

or kissed my way out of' em.

I know, Charlie. You told me.

I was gettin' into

a tight spot with you.

I was gonna ask you to marry me.

Well, I sure as hell found a way out.

Duchess. Duchess.

Yeah?

How many times you been in love?

- Includin' this time?

- Mm-hmm.

Once.

Sure charmed the ass right off you,

Duchess. You know what I mean?

I know what you mean.

What a way to go--

rich and charming.

[GROANING]

You may go charming, Malloy,

but you'll never go rich.

[GROANING] What the hell

are you talking about?

Just that you've blown

the big one, Malloy.

Stop, for God's sake!

- And I'm gonna have myself a time.

- Wait. That's still my money.

- Not yours. Mine. You're dead.

- Oh, wait! Wait!

What for?

You just told me I could go.

I was hysterical.

That-That's $40,000.

And it's all mine. I'm gonna knock

Salt Lake City ass over tin cup.

You dirty, two-bit hustler!

Come back here! That's my money!

Get up off your two bowlegged

pins if you want it and come get it.

I can't walk! I got a bullet

in my chest, a bullet in my arm...

and you're giving me

one pain in the ass!

Stop! You hear me?

- And them I'm gonna get on a boat--

- You cheap hooker!

Come on!

Get up,you lazy bum!

Get up on your two feet

and come and get it!

Come on,you good-for-nothing!

Get up!

Come on! Give me my money!

You nickel hooker!

That's my money!

It's my money now! I'm

gonna have myself...

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Melvin Frank

Melvin Frank was an American screenwriter, film producer and film director. He is known for his work on films such as Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, The Court Jester, and A Touch of Class. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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