The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox Page #6

trees, the leaves.

Maybe fool around a little.

I'll tell ya somethin', Malloy.

You're full of crap...

but you're irresistible.

Duchess, Duchess,

I know I'm full of crap.

I know it. You know it.

So why'd you come over here?

Well, last night when I was in the

street and you came back to get me...

why'd you do it?

I don't know.

I don't either.

I don't even care, Malloy.

I'm just awful glad you did.

[MOANS]

[MOANING CONTINUES]

Oh, it's never been

like this, Charlie. Never.

I know, Duchess.

My whole body's trembling.

My knees are weak, and

I hear a roaring in my ears.

You know, Duchess,

I can almost hear it too.

- [SCREAMS] Char-- Charlie, I can't--

- Hey, what are you doin'?

Will you stop it! You're rocking

the boat! [SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS] Charlie!

Charlie, help! Oh, my God!

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

Oh, that's cold.

Get the money!

- The money!

- Charlie, I can't--

Where's my hat?

Do you see my hat?

You sure this is mine?

- What are you doing now?

- I'm goin' for the money!

- I can't swim!

- Neither can the money!

You bastard!

- Whoa.

- [SCREAMING]

I think we're all right now.

I think we're through it.

Charlie, hold me!

[GURGLING, SCREAMING]

[MUTTERING]

Ooh, I can't see.

I can't see. [GRUNTS]

I can't see where I'm going!

Don't worry. I'll tell you all about it

when we get there. There.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Easy. Oh!

Easy. Oh!

Ooh. Eee!

We made it, Duchess.

Look at that view.

Isn't it somethin'?

- I'd say it's spectacular.

- I'd say it stinks.

You're not lookin'

at what I'm lookin' at.

And you're not lookin'

at what I'm lookin' at.

Hi, fellas.

- The money, Malloy.

- What money?

Oh, the money!

Sorry, fellas. Do you think

it's still good? It's wet.

I guess it'll dry off.

- Blow their heads off.

- Nah, I got a better idea.

Your ideas stink, Bloodworth.

Hey, let's hear it.

The man's got a right to talk.

"Let's hear it anyway.

The man's got a right to talk." Idiot.

I supposed you'd have liked it

better with my head blown off.

Not your head,just your mouth.

[MEN LAUGHING]

[MEN LAUGHING]

[COUGHING]

- You okay, Charlie?

- Never had it so good.

- But, Charlie--

- Shut up.

- I told you to shut up.

- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[BLOWING WEAK WHISTLE]

What are you doing?

Whistling for Blackjack.

If I can't hear you,

how's he going to?

- Oh, be quiet.

- [SOBBING]

- Now what's the matter?

- We're all through, Charlie.

We are not.

Jesus, you are something!

You're some chickenshit person,

you are, the way you give up this easy.

Don't yell at me.

I am hot, and I'm miserable...

and I'm being baked to death.

And I'm not chickenshit.

I'm-- I'm just scared.

- [SOBBING]

- Don't cry, Duchess.

I can't help it.

Well, I'll tell ya one thing.

I've been around plenty.

I seen 'em come

and I seen 'em go...

and you're about as first-class

a whore as I ever come across.

Oh, boy, that's life for ya.

A girl has to die before anybody

says anything nice about her.

[BLOWS WEAK WHISTLE]

Charlie, I told you to stop it.

He's not gonna hear you.

- [MAN] There's a man down there!

- Somebody did.

Over there.

How about this for luck?

Somethin' mighty peculiar.

Well, Cleopatra...

now what do we have here?

- Oh, thank God.

- We're mighty grateful, partner.

What do you think, Cleopatra?

Looks like a couple of city folks.

I wonder what they're doin' out here.

What do you think we're doin' out here?

We're tied to the goddamn stake.

That's what we're doin'.

- [MALLOY] Friend, the ropes.

- You see this here dress?

That's exactly the sort of thing

I had in mind for you.

Simple, basic black. No sequins.

Hey! Hey, fruitcake,

it's hot down here!

Shh, shh. You gotta know

how to treat these characters.

Sir, would you unloosen the ropes?

I like you better in solids than plaid.

And black--

Oh, it's definitely you.

Well, Cleopatra, time to be movin' on.

No, you're not gonna leave us!

Hey, come back, you lousy fruitcake!

Aren't they a handsome couple

though, Cleopatra?

But you'll be part of a handsome couple

yourself one of these days.

Right quick, 'cause this is your season.

But don't you disgrace me now.

You make sure he's someone

I can be proud of.

[BLOWS WEAK WHISTLE]

Oh, Charlie, you stupid bungler.

You can't whistle,

and he can't hear you.

Don't worry. He can hear.

[BLOWS WEAK WHISTLE]

Look! Look at this!

Here he comes.

Look at that! There he goes!

[MALLOY]

Hey, come back! Come back here--

Come back here,

you horny bastard!

Can you imagine a horse

being that horny?

Only if he's yours.

If you can't help, shut up.

Charlie, I think I can help.

Here. Here.

Can you get that?

What do you want me

to do with it?

Try to open it up

and get the lorgnettes out.

- What the hell for?

- Just do what I tell ya.

Come on.

Now what do you got?

Just the family crest.

Come on!

You haven't got a ham

sandwich in here, have you?

Oh, Charlie, shut up

and do what I tell ya.

I think I got it.

Where are they? Huh?

[GASPS]

Oh, great. Here.

- You got it?

- Yeah. Great.

Are you gonna do some reading?

Oh, shut your face. Watch.

- See? Didn't I tell ya?

- Yes, okay.

You gettin' up?

Come on.

Come on. Get up. Up! Up!

[GASPING, MOANING]

Hey, Charlie! Come here!

[SIGHS]

Salt Lake City.

Duchess, do you think maybe--

you think maybe you don't

wanna go to Salt Lake?

- Why wouldn't I?

- I don't know.

Seems a shame

to break up a good team.

- Charlie.

- Mean it, Duchess?

Sure. We still got a lot

of foolin' around to do.

Duchess. Duchess!

- [GIGGLES]

- You know somethin'?

A man's gotta know

what he wants in his life.

- Ain't that right, Duchess?

- Sure, Charlie.

And a man's gotta fight for what

he wants. Ain't that right?

Sure, Charlie.

That's why I'm goin' back

and get my money.

What?

I stole it fair and square,

and nobody's gonna take it.

Wait. Wait.

The money doesn't matter.

It's all different now. We've got each

other. You made me feel like a woman.

Yeah, well, now I'm gonna make you

feel like a woman with $40,000.

You are one stupid son of a b*tch!

You are one crazy, demented idiot!

There's gonna be no livin' with you

without that goddamn money...

so let's go get it!

I'm not crazy about our odds,

Duchess, but I like the company.

Climb aboard.

- Here. Put this in the saddlebag.

- What is it?

Nothing.Just a little dynamite

and some black powder.

Oh.

How'd you find out

about this place?

Played poker here once.

Had to leave in a hurry.

- Had two aces of spades.

- Figures.

Shh, shh. Easy.

[MALLOY]

Quiet. I see one of them.

I may know him.

I never forget a face.

Let's get to work.

Blackjack!

- You know what to do?

- I hope you do.

- Yeah.

- Here, don't sit on this.

Good-bye, Duchess. Thank you.

Come on, Blackjack.

And remember that's not a cigar

you got in your mouth.

The barn's on fire! Come on!

Form a bucket brigade!

I'll pump. Come on! Come on!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

Hurry up! Hurry up, boys!

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