The DUFF Page #9

How about tonight you just worry

about what you think about you?

Now I want you to get cleaned up,

I want you to go to that dance,

and rock that homecoming

like my Bianca Piper would.

Passion plus action...

- Oh, my God, I'm doing it again.

- No, no, it's okay, it's working.

You're good at this.

I'm feeling mad inspired.

I think I have an idea.

There it is. I gotta say,

this is some of my best work.

- You are very talented.

- It's really perfect, Jess.

All right, I just talked with the guys,

and I told them we're going alone.

- Yes.

- Thanks.

So shall we?

Let's do this sh*t.

F***ing A.

- Mom.

- Sorry.

She looks great. She's pulling it off.

- Dude, she's 15 years old, man.

- She's a ten.

I don't care about 15. She's a ten.

And then she was all like, "B*tch,

if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."

And I was all like, "B*tch, if I cared

what you thought, I'd ask."

My grandma is so annoying.

Wesley, what time is it?

Nine-fifteen.

Okay, they're announcing

king and queen soon,

so, Caitlyn, I wanna go over by the

stage and get the very best lighting.

I'll be right back.

You guys, I'll be right back, okay?

- Awesome dress, Bianca.

- Thanks, Robin.

Hey, Bianca, about the other...

- Hey.

- Hey.

I could tell from across the room

that we might be into each other.

Now that I'm here, I'm sure. Your move.

- How was that?

- That was not bad.

Should I've gone with

"Wiener in your mouth"?

No, no. Definitely not.

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

Look, about what I said the other day,

of course we're friends,

and that's cool.

But a guy I know once told me

that if you like somebody,

you should just be straight-up with them

and tell them that you're into them.

So I guess that's

kind of what I'm doing.

Wait, you're into me?

Yeah.

I kind of just got back together

with Madison.

But that's good if you're happy.

What the sh*t?

Get out of my way.

Wow, that is an interesting dress.

Who makes that, Build-A-Bear?

Since you can't seem

to leave my boyfriend alone,

I cannot wait to release

your video tomorrow.

Good. I'm glad you're

excited about it. Go right ahead.

Fine, I will.

Plus Wesley would never leave me

for some DUFF anyway.

- Look, Madison...

- It's okay.

Madison, you used to make me so upset,

but now I just feel bad for you.

Yeah, I'm somebody's DUFF.

Guess what, so are you. So is everybody.

There's always gonna be somebody

prettier or more talented

or richer than you,

but it shouldn't affect

how you see yourself.

You label everybody

to try to keep them down,

but you end up missing out

on all this great stuff around you.

You have Wesley, and you treat him

like he's stupid, but he isn't.

And people don't like him

because he's with you.

They like him because he's, like,

an amazing guy.

Look, I like myself.

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.

And I realize now

that none of this matters to me.

But it does to you. It's your dream.

And I totally support that.

Just don't tear me down

for not giving a sh*t about your labels,

because in the end, they're meaningless.

What?

Whatever you said was meaningless, okay?

You don't even get it.

This is not my dream.

- I don't need to...

- Okay, Blue Devils.

Oh, my God, here it is.

It's happening.

Okay, Blue Devils, it's time

to crown our king and queen.

Hey, how'd it go?

- Actually, really good.

- This year's homecoming queen is...

This one's got me a little nervous.

...Ms. Madison Morgan.

Me? What?

Oh, my God, of course.

Madison!

- Congratulations, Madison.

- I knew it was me.

Keep it to yourself.

- Yeah, Madison.

- All right.

And this year's homecoming king is...

Drumroll, please.

...Mr. Wesley Rush.

Wesley Rush.

Homecoming king. Come on up.

Wesley. Wesley.

Wesley.

Where's Wesley?

Aren't you gonna go get your crown?

No, I'm gonna get the girl.

- Yeah, Bianca!

- Let's get the hell out of here.

All right. All right.

Yeah, all right.

Damn.

It was definitely the dress.

- That is really great.

- Yeah, he is hot.

Are we breaking into the newsroom

to hook up?

- You bet we are.

- Who are you?

- Wesley?

- What?

I just want to... I just want to...

One more thing.

- What? What?

- Just one thing.

No, they block out all the good sites.

- What are you doing?

- I just have to...

No, no, if you're doing homework,

I'm gonna kill myself.

It's just one quick thing.

It's for my article.

I'm feeling inspired.

- Okay, here, just rub my shoulders.

- Right.

What does homecoming mean to me?

If you asked me

at the beginning of senior year,

I would've told you,

"Absolutely nothing."

But tonight, possibly

the greatest night of my life,

I have changed my tune.

You know that one moment in high

school that changes everything?

Okay, I think I can probably

finish this later.

It all started senior year,

about a month before homecoming.

I was cruising the halls

with my two best friends...

Wow, she's awesome.

Yeah, she is. I should forward this.

- Viral?

- Viral.

I'm a DUFF.

I am a DUFF.

Yep, that's me.

- I'm a DUFF.

- I'm a DUFF.

Okay, girl, I know some DUFFs too.

For what it's worth, what you wrote here

struck a chord with me as well.

I mean, I know you won't believe me,

but I was the DUFF out of my friends.

What? No.

There was no cool name for it

like "the DUFF."

It was, like, "the dipshit," douche bag.

A. Urkel. Asian Urkel.

- Nerd ass.

- Okay, no. Didn't need...

- Didn't need the help, you know?

- Oh, sorry.

Whoa, look at this.

The site has thousands

of comments and likes on it.

But they're positive this time.

Mr. Arthur was right.

Kids started writing to me

with their own DUFF stories,

and when I posted those,

more kids responded

until it just became its own thing.

Oh, and Wesley? He passed science.

He's going to Ohio State in the fall.

And since I got into Northwestern,

we can visit each other.

A lot.

Hey, neighbor-slash-boyfriend.

Hi, neighbor-slash-girlfriend.

You hungry? I'm hungry.

- Yeah, I could eat.

- Good.

Because I was hoping

to take you to dinner.

How about a little Dave & Buster's?

Skee-Ball?

- A dark booth? Yeah.

- I love it when you talk dirty to me.

- Maybe we'll accidentally touch knees.

- Oh, can I?

Bianca kiss Wes now?

Monster voice sexy.

In the end, it's not about popularity

or even getting the guy.

It's about understanding

that no matter what label

is thrown your way,

only you can define yourself.

Take it from a DUFF.

Hit that... Hit that...

That long one in the middle.

It's called a spacebar.

- Hey.

- Now, that's a classic look.

You could be on the cover of GQ.

Back cover.

Just a vest. Okay, MacGyver.

You talk about my son

one more time.

I swear, I'm just feeling the pressure.

If this makes it to Toshi,

- I'm telling you now...

- Toshi.

Now I know you...

Now I know that you...

This is not...

- This is a...

- Not the article I want.

- Dad, 17 pa...

- But it article we need.

- Hey, Trevor.

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