The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion! Page #9

- You got a bet.

-May the best man win.

BUZZ:

All right.

Y'all realize, if we win this race,

people are gonna be really upset.

Of course, if Daisy was dressed

by the time we cross the finish line...

...they wouldn't lynch us.

You want me to dress for my wedding

in this car that's gonna be racing?

- Have you got a better idea, Daisy?

-I could help you.

DAISY:
Now, don't you peek, Enos.

LUKE:
You ready?

- On your signal.

-All right.

[GENERAL LEE'S HORN

HONKS DIXIE"]

BALLADEER:
It was three

miles to the finish in Hazzard.

Old Buzz decided to take the road

and not risk any problems overland.

He's gonna stay on the road.

The only way we're gonna beat him now

is if we go cross-country.

BALLADEER:

It rained the night before the race...

...which made the ground as solid

as wet grits.

Sure made the driving interesting.

Now, come on, guys.

Let me out of here. This ain't funny.

All right, look out, we got some bumps.

Hang on.

[GRUNTING]

Hang on, now.

[ALL SHOUTING]

Bo?

Ow!

BALLADEER:
Meanwhile, old Buzz and

Double Zero were closer to the finish.

So, fellas, what are we gonna do

about Styx River?

- Well, we're gonna jump it, that's what.

-What?

BO:
Well, we've done it before.

-We were younger.

And dumber.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Enos, open your eyes.

You don't wanna miss this.

- Daisy, that dress is something.

-That ain't what she's talking about.

- Look up ahead.

-Hang on.

[ALL SHOUTING]

LUKE:
All right, all right, all right.

BO:
How'd you like that, Ryker?

- Wow, that was great.

-All right, coz.

BALLADEER:
Old Buzz was

at the Hazzard town limits.

Oh, it was gonna be close.

General Lee left the dirt

and hit the blacktop.

We got a chance now, y'all.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[CAR APPROACHING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

- It don't look good, Uncle Jesse.

-I'm sure the General gave us all he had.

[GENERAL LEE'S HORN

HONKS DIXIE"]

[CHEERING]

No, it's not possible.

[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

JESSE:

I knew you guys would do it.

- All right, all right.

LUKE:
Hold your horses, fella.

- Come on.

RYKER:
That ripped my coat, you lug nut.

Rosco.

This guy kidnapped Daisy

on Mama Max's orders.

He held her hostage

so that we'd lose the race.

You kidnapped Daisy in Hazzard?

Mama Jo, I don't think

you've got the brains of a turkey.

MAX:

What?

I'm sorry I even conned you

into building that theme park.

- You conned me?

-That's right, I conned you.

I-- That-- That ore.

I got some of that rare-- What's--?

- Gallium-arsenide ore?

-Yes.

I-- And I put it in the swamp

so you'd find it.

That would hook you

into building that park.

Now. where would you get

gallium-arsenide ore?

From a state geologist.

I asked for some of that rare ore...

...to use in a mineral exhibit

over at the Hazzard High School.

I fibbed a little bit.

- There is no way you thought of this.

-Come on, who helped you?

Oh, well,

I had a little help from Boss Hogg.

- What?

-What are you talking about? Boss Hogg?

- Who?

-My little fat buddy.

See, he-- He left his memoirs.

Called Best Laid Plans.

Isn't that a doozy?

It tells-- In here--

There's chapters in here...

...about how to sell a blind bird dog

or underwater real estate.

And here is the best part I like.

He says:

When picking a sucker--'

That's you, Mama Jo.

--always pick a con man.

They're the easiest to fool.

They're always trying to get

something for nothing."

Now, the state police--

Now, they sent me a list...

...of the most-wanted

real-estate con artists...

...and your name was number one.

Shame, shame,

everybody knows your name.

You idiotic, jabbering congenital hick.

Is gonna cuff you and stuff you.

Wait a minute, Rosco.

This is my wedding day.

You can't put the matron of honor in jail

before my wedding.

Mama Max is your matron of honor?

LUKE:
Did you know?

-What are you--?

Daisy, darling,

I would have never kidnapped you...

...if you hadn't found

that gallium-arsenide ore too.

What?

I found a new species of filicinae.

- You found a fern?

-That's right.

COOTER:
What is she talking about?

LUKE:
Filicinae?

How do you know all this?

Let's explain all this later.

In the meantime,

let's have ourselves a wedding.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ROSCO:
All right, everybody.

Everybody, take your places here.

BO:

Yep. You're looking good, Rosco.

ROSCO:
Ladies, get in place here

and let's get this going here.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to bury a departed--

- Rosco.

ROSCO:
Dang it.

I got the string in the wrong place here.

Weddings make me nervous here, anyway.

Oh yeah, here.

Raise your right hand.

- As the Deputy Sheriff of Hazzard county--

DAISY:
Rosco.

COOTER:

Deputy Sheriff?

- Who is it?

-Excuse me, folks.

- I believe I'm lost.

-L.D.?

- L.D.?

-Daisy?

- Who's L.D.?

-That's my husband who ran off.

- You mean your ex-husband, don't you?

-Yeah.

Boy, I am lost.

ROSCO:
Wait-- Wait.

-Daisy, wait a minute.

ROSCO:

What a minute, what about this?

What are you doing here?

Well, I drive the bus for the Chickweeds.

it's a country band.

[SIGHS]

- Daisy.

WOMAN 1:
Oh, my--

LUKE:
Daisy. Holy smokes--

BO:
L.D.

- You've done enough.

-Are you okay, baby?

WOMAN 1:
I can't see.

WOMAN 2:
Stand back from her.

BO:
She's coming around.

-There she is.

ENOS:

She's okay.

Oh, boy, I'm not ready for this.

I can't get married. I just can't.

ENOS:
What?

-I can't get married.

I'm sorry, Enos.

But I can't do this.

I can't marry you.

One look at him,

and it all came back to me...

...and I'm just not ready to try this again.

I'm sorry.

After 30 years, I wouldn't want you

to rush into anything, Daisy.

I was gonna give this to you

on our honeymoon.

It's that apple peeling.

I went back and got it.

See, it's an S, for Enos Strate.

- Enos.

-You keep it to remind you.

We belong to each other.

Even fate says so.

I'll just have to wait until you--

Till you grow up.

[PEOPLE CHUCKLING]

WOMAN 1:

Oh, that's sweet.

It's okay.

Well, does anybody want a free wedding?

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Hey, Bubba. Bertha Jo.

What do you say?

You guys fight so good already...

...why don't you get married

and make it legal?

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

MAN:

Come on, y'all.

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

Hey, don't put that book away, Rosco.

[JESSE CHUCKLING]

Y'all come back now, you hear?

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