The Eiger Sanction Page #2

dental floss for Dr. Millard,

but he doesn't answer his door.

He's off today.

What'll I do

with this box of floss?

I don't give a sh*t

what you do with it, buddy.

Well, you don't have to be

violent about it.

Get lost, cupcake.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Look out!

(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)

STEWARDESS:
Crap?

I beg your pardon?

You did start this conversation

by saying "crap," didn't you?

No, I didn't say it. I asked it.

Is this today's alternative

to, "Coffee, tea, or milk?"

Only on our competitor's lines.

Actually, I was looking over your shoulder

and I saw your comment, so I asked.

Just some criticism

of this book I'm reviewing.

All and all, it's a very

shabby piece of research

obscured by involuted style.

Shabby research I can stand,

but involuted style

really makes my ass drag.

I can't believe that

you're a stewardess.

Actually, I'm not.

I'm a skyjacker in drag.

That's reassuring.

Now if you'll just

give me your name,

I'll report it to the proper

authorities when we land.

Jemima.

And I'm Uncle Ben.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm serious. That's really my name.

Jemima Brown. My mother

was hooked on being ethnic.

Or else turned on by a pancake.

As long as we both agree that

it's too much for a black chick

to have the name of Jemima.

Oh, I don't know. I mean, people don't

forget you when your name is Jemima.

I don't think people would forget

you if your name was Alfred.

Goodness me, Dr. Hemlock.

You're not the type of man who tries

to pick up stewardesses, are you?

Not generally.

How'd you know my name?

It's this mystical thing

I have with names.

It's a gift from

the Dark Continent.

I look at a person very carefully,

and then I concentrate.

And?

And then, I go check his name

out on the passengers list.

And what else do they call you

besides Jemima and Smart Ass?

Jem, as in jewel.

Fasten your seat belt, sir.

Oh, I have no intention

of trying to escape.

Aren't you gonna get in,

or do you like it out there?

I looked for you on the plane.

No harm done.

I was on my way to town and

you looked so lonely,

I took pity on you.

Well, that's an ancient trick.

Whenever I'm waiting for a cab,

I look lonely and maybe some

unbelievable beauty named Jemima

will pick me up.

Gonna have to be a

double fare, you know?

Fine.

You know, buddy, we ain't supposed

to pick up two fares in one location.

Hey. Let's agree on a division of

labor right now. You do the driving.

We'll do the talking.

All right.

How can you look so good when

you're starving to death?

Am I starving to death?

Mmm, you broil a

mean steak, Hemlock.

Come on, I'll show you my lime pit.

It's kind of scary looking.

(GIGGLING)

JEMIMA:

Maybe I should drop pieces of bread

so I can find my way out.

Jonathan!

They're unbelievable.

Not bad, huh?

One of the better collections

in the neighborhood.

You have El Greco down there,

Matisse,

Picasso,

Clay, Matisse.

Over here we have Pissarro.

It's astonishing! I mean,

there's so much life in them.

Yeah, I'm picking up

another one of his tomorrow.

I've heard about guys like

you reading those books.

Whips and boots and things.

But an ax? That's a little freaky.

(LAUGHS) Call me a cab.

I'm getting outta here.

Just some old climbing equipment.

You climb?

I used to, but I'm retired now.

Maybe you'll climb again someday.

I doubt it.

However, you never know.

Sometimes people do things

they thought they'd never do again.

Like rape, for instance.

Yeah. I thought I'd given up rape,

but I think I've changed my mind.

You really have beautiful eyes.

Or do they all say that?

All?

Who all?

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah.

JEMIMA:
Good morning, baby.

There's coffee by your bed.

The hell with coffee.

Where are you?

Jonathan, it's important that you

contact Mr. Dragon as soon as possible.

I'm sorry to drop it on

you like that, Jonathan.

Baby, I'm sorry.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

Sorry for this, Hemlock.

But twice a year, my blood

must be fully replaced.

With what?

You're very bitter

today, Dr. Hemlock.

(LAUGHING) A joke. Bitter Hemlock.

Listen, Dragon. I came

here for two reasons.

One, to tell you that

using that Jemima Brown

to steal my money

was low, even for you.

And second, to get my money

and tax statement back.

It will be returned to you.

- And the tax statement?

- That, too.

Well, then we have nothing

more to discuss, do we?

There is still the sanction on the

second man who killed Agent Wormwood.

I will give you another $20,000

for this second sanction.

Forget it. I'm back in retirement.

You are the only man who can do it.

You could train Pope. He'd

be ready, in about 40 years.

Would you leave Agent

Wormwood unrevenged?

Well, those are the breaks.

Did you know who Agent

Wormwood was, Dr. Hemlock?

Wormwood was Henri Baq.

Henri Baq?

Yes.

I thought he was retired

and living in Paris.

He approached C-2

and asked for work.

Apparently, he had

financial difficulties.

We tried to be helpful.

Unfortunately, it

turned out tragically.

Why wasn't I told

about this before?

We had reasons.

They did not concern you.

We preferred that you took the

sanction for your usual reasons,

greed and avarice.

- Henri Baq was my friend.

- Yes.

He saved my life once.

Yes.

Then why am I the only one who

can perform this sanction?

First, do you

accept the assignment?

Yes, I accept.

What we have is this.

The target is male.

He is an accomplished

mountain climber.

We learned this from

a note we intercepted.

Also, a witness said he limped.

Well, that's fine.

Now all I have to do is kill every

mountain climber with a sore foot.

Not quite.

Our man will be involved in a

climb in the Alps this summer.

You're getting warm now, Dragon.

That narrows it down to

three or four thousand men.

Fewer than that.

We know which mountain

he will climb.

And?

The Eiger.

North face, of course.

That is correct.

You are familiar with it?

You know I am.

I tried to climb it twice.

It tried to kill me twice.

Look, if the target's trying to

climb the north face of the Eiger,

chances are my work

could be done for me.

I cannot trust

to chance, Dr. Hemlock.

Now, the only climb planned for

the Eiger is a goodwill climb

with a team from Germany, Austria,

France and the United States.

Now, the target is

one of the other climbers,

the Frenchman, the German

or the Austrian.

We are continuing to work

to try to identify him.

Undoubtedly, we will have his name

before it is necessary

for you to climb the Eiger.

You're passing over one small

matter, and that is payment.

Naturally, considering the rigors of the

assignment, we intend to be generous.

You will receive $30,000.

I'm sure that's

more than you expected.

More than I expected,

but less than I'll receive.

Oh?

Yeah. I'll receive $100,000,

plus expenses, of course.

You recognize that

this is outrageous?

Well, I'm viewing this

as retirement pay.

This is definitely

my last assignment.

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