The End Page #5

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Felt well lately.

You're going to

The hospital, aren't you?

No! I'm not going

To the hospital.

No! I'm not going

To the hospital.

I'm not going

In the hospital.

Swear to god?

I swear to god.

Cross your heart?

Cross my heart.

Hope to die?

Hope to die?

I hope to die.

I'm glad.

I'm glad.

I'll miss you, Julie.

I'll miss you, Julie.

I'll miss you

More than anybody.

I'll miss you

More than anybody.

You'll see me

When you get back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you.

You better go.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

I love you.

I love you.

"Wendell Sonny Lawson..."

"Wendell Sonny Lawson..."

"love from mother."

"love from mother."

God, what an ass I had.

God, what an ass I had.

You know, if I had been

4 seconds faster

In the 100-yard dash,

I would have been

All-American.

I would have been

All-American.

Memories.

Memories.

Is this

The coward's way out?

Of course.

That's why I picked it.

Of course.

That's why I picked it.

Come on.

Get on with it.

Get on with it.

That's a pretty one.

That's a pretty one.

God, sour--sh*t! Pah!

Sh*t! Ca-ca!

[spitting]

[spitting]

[burps]

[burps]

God damn, they're right!

You can't take just one.

You can't take just one.

"lonely?

"depressed?

Contemplating suicide?"

Ha ha ha!

"don't do it.

Dial 555-h-e-l-p."

Dial 555-h-e-l-p."

Why not?

Why not?

5-5-5...

5-5-5...

H-e-l-p.

H-e-l-p.

Woman:
hello.

Hello. Help--

Thank you for

Calling help.

Ma'am, listen,

I'm doing

A terrible thing--

To discuss problems

With you--

I'm taking booze

And downers--

All the lines are busy--

It's very dangerous--

This is a recording.

Ma'am?

Ma'am?

Hello?

Hello?

Twat!

Twat!

[burps]

[burps]

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it.

God, what a mess!

God, what a mess!

Look at all that color.

It looks like

Walt Disney threw up.

It looks like

Walt Disney threw up.

No.

No.

I never even had my own dog.

I never even had my own dog.

It ain't working yet.

It ain't working yet.

Nothing's happening.

Nothing's happening.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

A note.

A note.

Oh, my god,

I forgot the note.

I forgot the note.

Who do I write the note to?

Who do I write the note to?

Jessie.

Uh...

No, if I write it

To Jessie,

Mary Ellen will be hurt.

Mary Ellen will be hurt.

If I write it

To Mary Ellen,

Jessie will be hurt.

Jessie will be hurt.

No matter who

I write it to,

My mother

Will be hurt.

I could write it

To my father,

But he probably

Wouldn't read it.

But he probably

Wouldn't read it.

Who do I know...

Who do I know...

Who do I know

That's mature enough

To handle

The suicide note?

To handle

The suicide note?

"dear..."

"dear..."

"Julie..."

"Julie..."

I'm so sorry.

"daddy is so..."

"daddy is so..."

"so sorry."

"so sorry."

"so sorry."

[birdcalls]

[birdcalls]

God damn son of a b*tch.

Hi.

It's very interesting

The way you woke up cursing.

A large percentage

Of attempted suicides

Wake up with

Exclamations of hostility.

Where am I?

92% ask that.

You're in la playa.

The nut house?

The nut house?

That's a cruel label.

We prefer booby hatch.

We prefer booby hatch.

You a doctor?

Oh, no.

Me? No.

I'm a patient.

I'm a patient.

Marlon Joseph Borunki,

Paranoid schizophrenic.

Deep feelings

Of inferiority

Alternating with

Delusions of grandeur.

Hi.

Sonny Lawson.

Real estate.

Didn't you used

To be on television

Selling land

Somewhere?

I used to watch you.

Lake crest estates, right?

You didn't buy a lot?

I swear there was a lake!

I don't buy land

From television.

I'm crazy, but

I'm not that crazy.

A real TV star!

How'd I get here?

I can't get over it!

Sonny Lawson...what?

How'd I get here?

They transferred you

From the hospital.

You tried

To kill yourself.

Unsuccessfully,

Needless to add.

Aw, sh*t!

Why did you

Say it, dummy?

Why did you

Say it, dummy?

I'm writing a book

On insanity.

You should write

About something you know.

I'm calling it,

Fruitcakes I have known.

There's 2 whole

Chapters on suicide.

Did you know

That 50% of all...

F-f-female suicides

Have bleached hair

And a hysterectomy scar?

And a hysterectomy scar?

Are you blue?

Depressed?

Yeah.

Oh.

I thought

I'd wake up dead!

They had no right

To stop me like that!

Technically,

They did.

It's against the law

To kill yourself.

You're kidding?

Are you kidding?

Suicide's

A serious thing.

I've never lied

To you, have I?

No.

See?

Suicide is legislated

Against in most states.

It's all in

The appendix of my book.

Dumb law.

I agree with you.

It's very presumptuous

To tell a person

How they can die

Or even how

They can live.

A dumb law!

It's a dumb law!

It's a dumb law!

Sane people

Make crazy rules.

Do you like me?

Do you like me?

Sure.

I don't know you

Very well.

Are you kidding?

I'm very superficial.

You said it.

I know!

Leave me alone!

I know!

Leave me alone!

Are you rooming

Here with me?

Me?

No.

No.

No.

No.

Actually, Im in

The south wing.

Ta-da!

The south wing.

With the

Dangerous ones.

You're dangerous?

No.

Yes!

No.

Don't listen to him.

Actually, my father thought

I was very dangerous.

Actually, my father thought

I was very dangerous.

Your father?

Did he

Put you here?

No. Kind of.

I strangled him.

I strangled him.

You mean...

Like that?

No. More like that.

He was right about

Me being dangerous.

He was right about

Me being dangerous.

Doctors have different theories

About why I did it.

Mother complex,

Father complex.

Feelings of inferiority,

Suppressed rage.

But I and I alone know

The reason that I did it.

But I and I alone know

The reason that I did it.

It was because...

It was because...

He was so Polish.

He was so Polish.

Polish?

Polish?

When I was a kid, I was

Tormented with Polish jokes.

Oh, you know.

Who was Polands

Man of the year?

Nobody.

How do you sing the Polish

National anthem?

You don't sing it,

You fart it.

You don't sing it,

You fart it.

How do you tell a Polack's

Identification?

By the sh*t in his wallet.

By the sh*t in his wallet.

Kids can be very cruel.

What kids?

My father told me those.

He was always teasing me.

He was a big, loud,

Hairy, sweaty Polack!

He was a big, loud,

Hairy, sweaty Polack!

He was covered

With sweat. Always.

Only man I know who could

Sweat while he was swimming.

And I could never

Have friends over

Because he

Challenged them

To a nose-picking

Contest...

And he always won!

And he always won!

Got a minute?

Sure.

Then I finally

Brought home my...

G...g...

G...g...

Girl.

Girl.

...before I took

Her out to dinner.

I knew I shouldn't

Have done it.

He was sitting in his

Favorite sweaty undershirt,

Drinking beer,

Eating chili

With his fingers,

And watching

Celebrity bowling.

At first, he was nice,

We were talking nice,

And then

He was so stupid!

He said how he

Thought Moby Dick

Was a venereal disease.

I told him in a nice way

What a stupid idiot he was.

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