The End of the Tour Page #5

LIPSKY:

Can I try that?

DAVID:

Be my guest. It takes some getting

used to.

Lipsky tries it and makes a horrible face. David laughs.

24.

LIPSKY:

You mind if I use your uh...

Amused, David points the way to the bathroom.

DAVID:

I believe it’s unoccupied.

Lipsky goes, leaving the tape running.

39 INT. DAVID’S HOUSE/BATHROOM - 1996 - CONTINUOUS 39

Lipsky spits the tobacco into the sink. He cups his hands

under the running water and rinses his mouth. He looks at

himself in the mirror and takes a deep, fortifying breath.

He stealthily opens the medicine cabinet and finds it stocked

with jars of vitamins, Stri-Dex pads and tubes of Topol,

toothpaste for smokers. He jots down notes.

40 INT. DAVID’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - 1996 - MOMENTS LATER40

Lipsky returns, looks around. David is playing with his

dogs.

LIPSKY:

Do you not have a TV?

DAVID:

I do not have a TV.

LIPSKY:

How come?

DAVID:

‘Cause if I had a TV, I’d watch it all

the time. I don’t even know if I would

watch it; it would be on all the time -

my version of a fireplace. A source

of warmth and light in the corner that

I would occasionally get sucked into.

LIPSKY:

Did you watch a lot of T.V. when you

were a kid?

DAVID:

Yeah. A lot. You?

25.

LIPSKY:

Me? Yeah, I did. I moved in with a

woman who grew up without a

television, and living with her, the

first month was torture, and then I

realized it was probably the best

thing for me.

DAVID:

Did you guys stay together?

LIPSKY:

It’s complicated.

DAVID:

Why?

LIPSKY:

I was seeing this woman, then she

moved to L.A. and we theoretically

broke up. And I started seeing this

other woman, but then I started seeing

the first woman again - trying the bicoastal

thing - and the second...

Well, let’s just say she hasn’t taken

it very well.

DAVID:

It’s so much easier having dogs. You

don’t get laid; but you also don’t get

the feeling you’re hurting their

feelings all the time. I emphasize:

strictly platonic relationship with

the dogs.

LIPSKY:

You’re not dating anyone?

DAVID:

Seriously dating? No. I’m out of

practice; I wouldn’t know what to say.

LIPSKY:

You want to have kids?

DAVID:

Yeah, I think someday I do; do you?

LIPSKY:

Yeah. Eventually. I think.

26.

DAVID:

Writing books is kinda like raising

children, but you gotta be careful:

you should take pride in the work but

it’s bad to want that glory to reflect

back on you.

LIPSKY:

You worry about having children?

David seems far away; this is difficult for him. After a

beat, he speaks, sounding vulnerable, which doesn’t go

unnoticed by Lipsky.

DAVID:

I don’t know that I want to say

anything more about it - okay?

LIPSKY:

(prepared to back off) That’s fine.

DAVID:

I mean, we can joke about getting laid

on tour and stuff, but...

LIPSKY:

I just thought, it’d be nice to have

someone to be sharing all this

wonderful stuff with.

DAVID:

Yeah. I really have wished I was

married, the last couple of weeks.

LIPSKY:

You have?

DAVID:

Yeah, because nobody quite gets it.

Your friends who aren’t in the writing

biz are all just awed by your picture

in Time, and your agent and editor are

good people, but they have their own

agendas. It’s fun talking to you

about it, but you've got an agenda,

too, and a set of interests that

diverges from mine.

LIPSKY:

That’s true...

27.

DAVID:

There’s something nice about having

somebody who kinda shared your life,

and that you could allow yourself just

to be happy and confused with.

LIPSKY:

Somebody you can call when you get

back to the hotel.

DAVID:

Uh huh. (A beat.) So, why aren’t you

married at thirty?

LIPSKY:

Why aren't you married at thirty-four?

DAVID:

You first.

LIPSKY:

Okay. Um... I think it's hard to cast

that role … to fill it when you know

it's for thirty or forty years …

someone who, whatever mental landscape

you're in, they're going to be in it

too, you need someone who'll fit any

landscape you can imagine.

DAVID:

Well, I can't put it as well as you

did about the “mental landscapes,” I

just know I'm hard to be around.

David’s “mental landscapes” reference: competitive, fawning,

mocking? Lipsky isn’t sure.

LIPSKY:

Why?

DAVID:

Because when I want to be by myself,

like to work, I really want to be by

myself. I think if you dedicate

yourself to anything, one facet of

that is that it makes you very very

self-conscious. You end up using

people. Wanting them around when you

want them around, but then sending

them away.

LIPSKY:

Comes with the territory, though,

doesn’t it? Self-consciousness?

28.

DAVID:

There’s good self-consciousness. And

then there’s this toxic, paralyzing,

raped-by-psychic-Bedouins self-

consciousness.

Lipsky laughs.

LIPSKY:

(re:
Alanis poster)

Can you do me a favor? Can you tell

me about that poster over there?

DAVID:

Alanis? I don’t know, I guess I'm

susceptible like everybody else. Why?

LIPSKY:

She’s pretty, alright...

DAVID:

Yeah, but in a very sloppy, very human

way. That squeaky, orgasmic quality

in her voice? Here’s what it is: A

lot of women in magazines are pretty

in a way that isn’t erotic because

they don’t look like anybody you know.

LIPSKY:

True.

DAVID:

You can’t imagine them putting a

quarter in a parking meter or eating a

bologna sandwich. But her, I don’t

know, I just find her absolutely

riveting.

LIPSKY:

How’d you get to know her, her music,

I mean?

DAVID:

Listening to cheesy Bloomington radio,

and “I Want to Tell You” came on.

LIPSKY:

(correcting him) “You Oughta Know.”

DAVID:

What?

29.

LIPSKY:

“I Want to Tell You” is the book O.J.

Simpson wrote.

DAVID:

Oh, right.

LIPSKY:

Wouldn’t it be great if O.J. Simpson

sang “You Oughta Know” and Alanis

Morissette wrote a book about not

killing two people?

They laugh. Lipsky is pleased to make David laugh.

DAVID:

If somehow this whole fuss could get

me even like a five-minute cup of tea

with her...

LIPSKY:

Why don’t you put out feelers, see if

she’d be willing to meet you?

DAVID:

You serious? I would never do that.

LIPSKY:

Why not?

DAVID:

I’d be too terrified. Why, you would

do that?

LIPSKY:

If I were you? Why not?

DAVID:

A date with Alanis Morissette? What

would I say to her? “Hello, Miss

Morissette. What is it like to be

you?” (gruff voice) “I don’t know -

shut up. And get the f*** away from

me.”

LIPSKY:

But you’d go if she called? “Hey,

Dave. I’m at the Drake in Chicago.

Let’s have that tea.”

DAVID:

Yeah... except this is gonna look

ridiculous:
like I’m using Rolling

Stone as a vehicle to, like -

30.

LIPSKY:

It’s been used for worse.

DAVID:

Yes, I would do it. I’d go in a

heartbeat.

As Lipsky cracks up, David paints the picture:

DAVID:

Perspiring heavily, all the way up

there, shoving Certs into my mouth.

Goin’ nuts. It would cost me like a

week of absolute trauma. But yeah, I

would do it in a heartbeat.

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