The Entertainer Page #5

I'll see her right. You have my hand on it.

- Then the deal's all set?

- It is.

- And Tina's happy. Aren't you, love?

- Oh, yes.

Well, thanks.

Well, I've got to get off to the theatre.

Why don't we all come,

now we're in show business?

Tina can pick up a few tips.

This is just a little summer show.

It's nothing like the glorious

shape of things to come.

But if you understand that, by all means.

I'll leave seats at the box office for you.

Bye-bye, now.

Oh, I say. He's a charming man,

isn't he, Wilfred?

- Now, Ada, this is just a business deal.

- I'm well aware of that.

Archie?

I can't see you tonight.

It'll have to be tomorrow.

All right, love.

- That wasn't Archie, was it?

- No.

Jean, could you lend me ten bob?

Do you mind, dear? Just till I get paid.

I thought I'd buy this for Mick.

He's got such a sweet tooth.

He loves anything like this.

- It's a bit jazzy, isn't it?

- Jazzy? I don't think it's jazzy.

I don't know what you mean by jazzy.

Mick'll like it anyway.

Look, take this.

Archie gave it to me this morning.

I'll borrow that, then.

I'll give it you back.

OK. Only I can't come.

I promised to meet Granddad at the club.

- All right, dear.

- I'll see you later.

- Can I wear my diamond brooch?

- Course you can.

My diamond brooch. Eh, Dad?

You can't all get to the top.

You can't make your own luck.

Me, I was always lucky.

Mind you, I was good too.

Granddad. I must talk to you some time.

- Of course. What about?

- It's about Dad.

Oh, yes. Later.

- It makes you proud.

- The ambassador I was telling you about.

Sir something Pearson, his name was.

Charming fellow. Absolutely the best type.

Told me I was his favourite comedian.

Barring George Robey.

Tonight is a great occasion for one

of our most distinguished members.

He's just had very good news

about someone in his family.

I'm sure you'll all want to join with me

in drinking his health.

Billy Rice!

I'm going to ask him to do us the honour

of singing some of his favourite songs.

(cries of encouragement)

Look at him. You wouldn't

remember him properly, would you?

No, no. I don't want that thing.

The so-called government

we've got today

Are cutting down expenses, so they say

To save a few odd million, more or less

They want to scrap the navy. Do they?

(all) Yes!

We know they're broke, well, I'm broke

So are you broke, we're all broke

As we were when Bolingbroke

first sailed away

But we've got the men,

we've got the ships

What's more, we've got the water

And it's just as wet

as in Lord Nelson's day

So don't let 'em scrap the British navy

Don't let 'em scrap our men o' war

What do we care if the income tax

is twelve bob in the pound?

We can owe it

like we've always done before

Let Winston say ta-ta

to all the tartars he adores

But not ta-ta to all the tars

that guard our English shores

Let him scrap his high hats,

squash hats, straw hats and velours

But they mustn't never scrap, no!

They mustn't never scrap, no!

They mustn't never scrap

the British navy

For I'm sure you'll agree

That a fellow like me

Is the salt of our dear old country

Of our dear old country

(orchestra mimicking explosions)

But when our heritage is threatened

At home or across the sea

It's chaps like us - yes, you and me

Who'll march again to victory

Some people say we're finished

Some people say we're done

But if we all stand

By this dear old land

(Land Of Hope And Glory)

- Don't look sour.

- You would if you'd been messed about.

You'll get what's coming to you.

The battle will be won

Thank God we're normal,

normal, normal

Yes, thank God we're normal,

we are the country's flower

And when the great call comes

Someone will gaze down on us and say

They make no fuss

For this was their finest shower

Yes, this was their finest shower

So thank God we're normal,

normal, normal

Yes, thank God we're normal

For this was their finest shower

- What do you mean?

- There's a new show.

Backed to the limit. I've a new backer.

(piano music on radio)

(door bell)

(music ends)

And now a request from Mrs Connie

Morris of Northwood, Middlesex,

for her husband, Flight Sergeant Ozzie

Morris, who is serving in the Middle East.

Sorry, I've forgotten my key.

I don't like to answer the door in case

it's a policeman with another summons.

There'll be a policeman

at the door all right.

- I do hope Archie won't be long.

- Well, Frank's with him.

Frank's a sensible boy.

He'll see he doesn't stay out too late.

Archie's a fool. Always got some

big idea he's going to make money.

A while ago it was female impersonators.

We were going to make a packet.

But by the time Archie got started on it,

it had all petered out.

Oh, well. It's no good worrying.

It says on the telly that Mick's coming

home and that's all that really matters.

- Come on. Have a drop of this.

- Not for me, thanks.

Getting low on the drink.

You need something to eat. You've had

nothing but tea and cigarettes for days.

- I couldn't eat anything.

- People have got to eat.

"People have got to eat" she says.

That's a good one.

- You can't carry on...

- "People have got to eat" she said.

- Where's he got to?

- He's gone into the kitchen.

That's not all they've got to do. They've

got to do things you don't know about.

- I know, love. Things have been tough.

- You're a very sweet girl, Jean.

- But you're not even my own daughter.

- All right, I'm sorry.

- Don't presume too much.

- I just said...

- Don't presume too much!

- Let me get you some tea.

Why doesn't Archie come back?

You'd think he'd come back here and

celebrate after hearing his son was safe.

- I don't know. You people...

- Don't let's have a row. It's silly.

It's not silly.

Anyway, who said we were having a row?

All I said was that I wasn't hungry.

And you start getting at me.

- I wasn't getting at you.

- I can't eat.

You don't know what it's like.

We've lived on penny pieces of bacon

and what we've got from the tribunal.

- You're all alike.

- We should have stayed.

Archie, I'm talking to Jean.

I thought you were.

I sized up the situation in a flash.

It's easy for people like you to make fun.

I left school when I was 12 years old.

If she tells me that once more

I'll get up on this roof,

drunk as I am, I shall get up and scream.

I've never done that before.

You had to pay sixpence a week.

Some weeks my mother couldn't find it.

But this is a welfare state, my darling.

Nobody wants, nobody goes without.

- I was scrubbing a dining hall...

- Everybody's all right.

- Young Mick's all right, Frank, Jean...

- I wish you'd both shut up.

She'll make it up with old Graham and

forget all about silly old Trafalgar Square.

You don't understand.

Phoebe scrubbed a dining-hall floor

for 500 kids when she was 12 years old.

Have you any idea how often she's

told me about those kids and that hall?

- Oh, shut up.

- OK, son. Pass one of those to Jean.

- She looks as though she could use it.

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