The Escort

---

Hold on a second.

- Hey, there.

- Hey.

I feel like you're not

hearing me, 'cause if you were,

I wouldn't be repeating myself,

that's why.

No, because I told--look,

I told you three times, okay?

Look--

We'll get going in two.

No, the Nagasaki merger

has to happen at 15.6.

That's black and white.

There's no doubt

about that, okay?

And then you blend

the assets

as I pointed out

in the prospectus, okay?

Trust me, we'll come out of this

smelling like a rose.

You don't trust me?

What am I, a fool?

You...

No, you're not gonna

look like an idiot.

If anyone looks like an idiot,

it's me.

Slap me.

I've been naughty.

Wow, all right.

Now tell me

I'm not gonna get any dessert.

You're not getting

any dessert.

What? Oh!

And you're banned

from TV and Internet for a week!

Yeah.

Ah, yeah.

Tell me I can't watch

Game of Thrones.

- What?

- Just tell me!

You're banned

from watching Game of Thrones,

you little sh*t!

Ah! All right, good,

good, good, good, good.

Yeah, tell me, uh...

run down the whole lineup

of HBO Sunday night shows.

You're banned

from watching Girls.

- No!

- And Veep!

- Ah!

- No more Bored to Death!

Oh!

They canceled Bored to Death.

Oh, um...

no more Boardwalk Empire.

Bullshit!

Ahh!

Ride that sh*t.

Ride that sh*t.

Ride that sh*t

like Evel Knievel.

Ride it.

Oh, God.

Hey, Victoria.

It's Sunday night.

You want to watch

some HBO?

Would you pay me more?

I wasn't planning on it.

No.

I'm not afraid of love

No, I'm not afraid of love

Just because I run away

When you say you need me

I'm not afraid

I don't want to waste

my time

Waste my time

I don't want to waste

my time

Waste my time

The pain we go through

When a love's not true

Ah-ah-ah-ah

I made up my mind

to stay away

Away, away

From the hurt you bring

To me

Gonna save my love

For the sure thing

You don't really need

my love

Need my love

You don't really need

My love

Need my love

Just because

when we're apart

You said I'm in your heart

You don't really need me

Ah-ah-ah-ah

Made up my mind

I've made up my mind

to stay away

Hey.

I know, man.

Look, I'm just

running a little behind.

I'll be there soon.

I was just saying how

Corinne is a big movie fan.

Yeah, I make it a point

to see all the Oscar-nominated

movies every year.

Well, that's--that's great.

Do you have any, uh,

any favorites or...

Let's see, um,

well, I'm gonna have

to break it down

genre by genre.

Family, uh, Up is

a really good family film.

- So good.

- Beautiful movie.

I cried.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. I cried.

Within, like, the first minute.

- You both cried.

- Did you?

If I had to pick

my favorite action,

it'd be Saving Private Ryan.

- Classic.

- It's so visceral.

A lot of guys like action films,

but I do too.

Mitch, you love

Saving Private Ryan.

- He does?

- Yeah.

Wow, a lot of things

in common.

Yeah, I think we've watched

it together, maybe.

I just think

it's really disappointing how

in so many movies

they use sex

in such a gratuitous fashion.

It's really,

really tasteless.

You know,

I couldn't agree more.

And the film industry

thinks we want to see tits

in every other scene

to be satisfied.

It's ridiculous.

Am I right? Thank you.

Okay, well, that's one point

we don't agree on.

- Love your--

- Just the one.

Well, yeah.

You know, I'm gonna run

to the bathroom.

I'm gonna...I'll be right back.

How are you doing tonight?

Good, good, thank you.

Yourself?

- Oh, I'm doing great.

- What the f***, man?

Excuse me.

You're looking at Corinne

like she's some kind of leper.

I'm not looking

to get set up, okay?

You insisted.

It's the only reason I'm here.

Yeah,

you're in the goddamn bathroom.

Hey, hey, hey,

what's wrong with the bathroom?

He didn't mean anything by it.

I'm sorry, he was just--

You got to get

your sh*t together, man.

You can't keep living like this.

How's he living?

Yeah, how am I living?

- You've got real issues.

- Like what?

Like having to get up

in the middle of dinner

and come in here

and rub one out.

I knew that.

Yup, that's what I thought.

JP, I'm trying here, man.

I just--I don't want to be here.

You're on the app again,

aren't you?

What app?

You know what the f*** app

I'm talking about, the sex app.

- Sir, sir, please keep--

- God damn it!

You are so f***ing intrusive

for a bathroom attendant.

I just...

is there a sex app?

Well, I mean, yeah,

it just kind of connects you

with other people looking

to get it in, in your vicinity.

Heard about this, heard--yeah,

my cousin told me about this.

- Oh, man, I got to get on that.

- What the f***?

- You'd clean up. You should.

- Think so?

In fact, I actually just made

a connection, so I'm gonna go.

- There we go.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Do not bail out on me.

You cannot do this to me.

Look, it's--

tell her I'm not feeling well.

If you want to go with IBS,

I'm fine with that, all right?

- Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch.

- I'm sorry, man.

Sh*t, w-which app is it?

Is it this one? Which--

- What was the name of the app?

- I don't know, man.

Could you give me

one of those little--

- I think this is probably it.

- Are those eye drops or mints?

Oh, these are mints

and eye drops. I have both, man.

- Whatever you need, please.

- Just give me one of each.

This is sort of a weird thing

to say.

Okay.

But I feel like

I can imagine

what our baby

would look like.

Oh, wow.

That's amazing.

- They would be really cute.

- Really good-looking.

- Yeah.

- And smart.

Where's Mitch?

Um, are you familiar

with IBS?

Sure, you can buy me

a drink.

Good to know.

Is that how you treat

a lady who shows interest?

You asked for a free drink.

You didn't show interest.

Were you expecting a blow job

right out of the gate?

Offering something

would indicate more interest

than asking for something, so...

You don't want to get

to know each other first?

Before I buy you a drink

or before the blow job?

Fine, I'll start.

My name is Victoria,

and I moved here

two years ago

after I graduated

from Stanford.

I'm currently reading

a book on Gandhi.

I continue to sleep

on my stomach,

no matter how many times

my chiropractor

tells me not to.

You shouldn't do that.

And I call bullshit

on anyone

suddenly becoming allergic to

gluten in the last five years.

Liars.

You must be MsJuicy34.

What?

From the, uh,

sex app, Climax.

So you're not here

to have sex with me?

Uh, I don't know

what you're talking about,

but, um...

it's 1,000 for the hour,

3,000 for the night.

You're a hooker.

I didn't peg you.

I'm an escort.

Yeah, you escort men's penises

inside you for money.

F*** you.

Look, you're barking

up the wrong tree, all right?

I couldn't afford you anyway.

Well, then maybe dress

in your tax bracket

and don't come

to swanky hotels.

For your information,

this is all H&M,

and I'm here

to meet a girl.

Yeah, from a sex app,

pervert.

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