The Escort Page #8

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David.

Hi, any news?

Damn.

Okay. Um, yeah.

Oh!

God, ow!

Jesus Christ,

what the f*** are you doing?

- We need to talk.

- Hey! Open up!

Then f***ing call me!

I do call.

You don't pick up my calls.

You need to leave.

I'm working.

Not until you hear me out.

Hey, come on,

I'm gonna call the police.

Then hurry.

All right, look, I--I know

that you don't want

to accept it,

and I didn't want

to admit it,

but I...I like you in a way

that I didn't think

I was capable.

I know how much money's

in my wallet.

Just shut the f*** up.

Look, we both know

that you never

needed anyone

to protect you.

You've never needed that.

You were just lonely.

Say something.

Open the door.

I'm working.

You're lucky I'm not gonna

call the police on you.

Go home to your wife,

a**hole.

Victoria isn't just a character

she plays.

Victoria's a character

we all play.

And tonight,

some schlepp of a guy

will sit along the bar

with his head

buried in his phone

ordering vodka after vodka.

And if the powers that be decide

that tonight is his night,

an escort named Victoria

will lean up against the bar,

tell him he can buy her a drink,

and blink

those beautiful blue eyes,

and if the guy's smart,

he'll never let her slip away.

Natalie?

Your academic record

is spotless, 4.0 GPA.

But?

But what?

But you don't want

your institution tarnished

by the PowerPoint Sex Girl

from Piers Morgan Live.

Thank you so much

for your time.

But your essay's the reason

we're accepting you

into our MBA program.

What?

Your honesty about what happened

to you was refreshing.

Three of the five members

of our selection committee

have children who were

bullied on the Internet.

My daughter was one of them.

What does it say about us

if we let cyberbullying

prevent a perfectly good

MBA candidate

from realizing her potential?

Thanks, man.

I look like a f***ing waiter.

You look good.

Besides, that's what they make

you wear to these recitals.

I hate clarinet.

Dad won't let me quit.

Yeah.

Hey, is he upstairs?

F*** if I know.

- Dad?

Dad?

- Dad?

- Oh.

Oh.

Hi, son.

Good exercising...

Yeah, uh,

the whole exercise thing, yeah.

Um, one of Emily's friend's

a**hole father told Emily

that when you get over 50,

you got to work out every day,

so she thinks

if I don't exercise, I die.

- It's crazy.

- Sounds crazy.

So look, I got some more money

for you if you still need it.

What happened to Krystal

and Mercury in retrograde?

- She left me.

- You were dating.

- My astrologer.

- Of course.

Son, she was 35

and a Pilates instructor.

Do you have any idea what

Pilates does to a woman's ass?

So how's Natalie?

Or should I say...

Victoria?

I think it's a great article.

I'm proud of you.

Where'd I put the thing?

Here.

Thank you.

You know, I used to steal

your weed when I was a kid.

Really?

That was you?

I always thought

that was Rosalita.

- No, it was me.

- Well, that's all right.

It was your mom's weed.

- Get the f*** out of here.

- Oh, yeah.

I was on the straight

and narrow till she came along.

So what about Natalie?

Ah, I f***ed that up.

Well, you need

to un-f*** that up.

Look, if what you wrote

in this article is the truth,

then you can't

ignore your feelings.

That regret is gonna

grow inside of you

and twist you

into a dark and thorny place.

I know, I've been there.

It's not good.

Smoke some weed.

So I've been thinking.

I know you said I don't have

to play football next season,

but I kind of want to.

- Yeah, why is that?

- I don't know.

I guess I don't mind the hitting

and all the yelling and stuff.

What?

- What?

- It's a boy.

- It's definitely a boy.

- It's not a boy.

That's the only thing

that makes sense.

- It's not a boy.

- What's his name?

His name is Jonathan,

and he plays wide receiver,

and he has the cutest ass

on the team.

- Language.

- Sorry, butt.

Do I even know this kid?

Do you remember the guy

who scored all the touchdowns

at my games last year?

Wait, Jonathan?

Touchdown Jonathan?

- Yeah.

- He's pretty good.

- I'll go get it.

- And I think he likes me.

Ah, dear God.

Hey.

Hi.

I read your article,

and, well,

I think you misquoted me.

Nobody even knows it's you,

just like you asked.

But there are some lines in here

I would have never said.

Like what?

"You see

enough unfaithful husbands,

"and you start to get sickened

by the whole notion of love.

"How can you trust men

when you see them

"call their wives

in front of you and say

"they love them

after they just paid for sex?

"I don't think

you can be in my industry

"and still believe in love.

It's like being a scientist

and believing in God."

Yeah, you definitely

said all of that.

I'd really like you to publish

a retraction of that statement

and revise it to say, "You see

enough unfaithful husbands,

"and you start

to question the notion of love,

"and then when you finally

experience it for yourself,

"you see

what all the fuss is about,

"and you can't imagine not

having that person in your life,

"and you feel like the luckiest

person in the world,

"and you would do anything

to make them

feel the same way

about you."

I quit.

I'm officially a grad student

in September.

Get an MBA and make this

tutoring thing a real business.

I'll have to pay taxes.

Well, that's--that's good.

That's--that's really good

for you.

I'm happy for you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Wait.

I want that with Jonathan.

Yeah, over my dead body.

Sit here right next to me

And don't say a word

That's all I want from you

No, nothing more

Sit here right next to me

And don't say a word

That's all I want from you

All I want from you

Hold my hand

'Cause talking is the source

of misunderstanding

Hold my hand

'Cause talking is the source

of misunderstanding

Hold my hand

Hold my hand,

hold my hand

Hold my hand

Lay here right next to me

And just let it pass

I will come back to you

No, this low won't last

Lay here right next to me

And we'll just let it pass

I will come back to you

I'll come back to you

Hold my hand

'Cause talking is the source

of misunderstanding

Hold my hand

'Cause talking is the source

of misunderstanding

Hold my hand

Hold my hand,

hold my hand

Hold my hand

Words won't comfort me

Words won't make

you understand

Words won't change a thing

All I need is for you

To hold my hand

'Cause talking is the source

of misunderstanding

Hold my hand

'Cause talking is the source

of misunderstanding

Hold my hand

Hold my hand,

hold my hand

Hold my hand

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