The Extendables
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2014
- 84 min
- 27 Views
Hi.
The question I get asked,
more than any other by far is,
what's it like to
work with So-and-So.
The answers are often
interchangeable general compliments
that give little,
if any information
about the actual experience.
What is it really like to
work with Sylvester Stallone?
Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Steven Segal?
What is it like
to work with JCVD?
The title for this movie
could have been WILT WW.
What's it like to work with...
This movie isn't
going to tell you.
It's going to show you my
impression of what it's like
to be on the set with So-and-So.
a few others into one
fictional character.
The great Vardell Duseldorfer.
His friends simply call him VD.
Much of what you're about to
see, I actually witnessed.
And as they say on TV, the
names have been changed
so the guilty won't sue you.
And so, to my aforementioned
muses, thank you.
Now, let's find out what it's
like to work with So-and-So.
Welcome to Excess Hollywood!
Excess Hollywood
Lots of dirt, no cleanup!
I'm your host, Tara Grey.
On the comeback trail,
the great Vardell Duseldorfer.
His adoring fans who often
contract his
uberlong name to VD,
some things defy explanation.
But one thing is for sure,
his fans do love him.
I love VD.
I've been
a fan of VD for 17 years.
Keep it
comin', stay off the hook,
stay hot with the people,
this how we do it!
To have VD is to love VD.
I've been a VD fan for 52 years.
You can say what
you want about Vardell,
but he got where he is
because of one reason.
He's the great VD.
My momma
told me that VD was a disease.
Duseldorfer, number, number one!
The embarrassed
ubernatorial has wandered
once again in front of a camera.
Uzbekistan apparently
wishes to play host to VD,
and welcomes him with open arms,
if not a nice, warm petri dish.
What might the Uzbekis expect?
Well, let's hear from some stars
who've had some
experience with VD.
Mr. Kove?
I don't kiss and tell.
Especially when it involves
something as personal as VD.
I know, how
about a Herculean quote
Working and Duseldorfer.
It's kind of an oxymoron.
Or a moron disguised as an ox.
No, don't, don't use that one.
I got a better one.
Working with Duseldorfer.
It was sort of like
juggling water.
the balls in the air
and you have to
clean up afterwards.
Oh, nice shot, Kevin.
the former bodybuilder's
small...
punctuated a maid escapade.
I was just trying to show her
how to work off the large fold
of fat the tummy bellyflap.
And it just slipped in!
Yeah it was accident!
And poof, it made a baby!
F*** you, Tara.
We can support
his support of moms,
and public breastfeeding.
More public breastfeeding!
But what about his
bill to get goldfish,
yes, uh-huh, goldfish
in every home?
Not the goldfish!
Goldfish propagation
reduces the greenhouse gases
You made goldfish dirty.
The movie that
made him go into politics
that Fascist Time Machine
wreck that detonated more
than his fragile career.
That was the director's fault!
So can dysfunction
be dysfunctional?
Has the expendable actor,
yes, expendable actor
passed his expiration date?
It's not looking
good for our hero.
Thank you.
Will our hero make it out alive?
Oooo, you think it's
easy to make a movie?
You sit there in
your thong and your
air conditioner
and you judge me!
I'd like to see you
crawl through mud.
Sweat, work 20 hours a day.
I tell you, Hard Time
on Mars will make more
money than you can count to!
I show you!
I show you!!!
I show you.
I did not retire,
I got extension.
Old, young, old, young.
Retired.
Not retired.
You!
Will direct.
Hmm.
I will direct.
Hmm.
Excess Hollywood
Can our favorite
rehabinator rekindle
his past and extend his career?
Will he "be back?"
Will Hard Time on Mars
Or just hard time?
Should we wish the
Uzbekistanis luck?
Or send them penicillin?
Only time will tell.
VD 10 yards and closing.
Quiet on the set!
Our director
Vardell Dusel-dorfer
has come to join us.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Action!
Nicely done, thank you.
Thank you very much.
VD?
What?
What're you doin' sir?
We need more rock.
What?
We need more rock.
Where?
There.
VD, you know, we have
set decorators that do that.
I like set decorating.
Yes, sir, so
what about the fight?
Uh, what about it?
Can we lock it?
Lock?
Lock means that we're
Can we lock it?
I don't know, are we?
I don't know.
I don't either.
Why did you let him direct?
He wouldn't
do the film otherwise.
This is nice.
This is fun!
Get him to talk about his dick.
It scares him I think,
it makes him insecure.
Maybe he'll cover by heaving
and getting back to work.
Dick.
Dick, yes.
Oh, wow my dick hurts.
Really?
You want me to rub it for you?
Maybe later,
uh, maybe after the fight scene?
Yes!
I'm uh, thinkin' about it.
Wow.
So, VD, what about
the fight, can we lock it?
I don't know.
Maybe you should
teach me part of it.
The first part?
Yeah!
Okay.
Mark!
Let's get that fight going on.
Yeah, where's my saber ha ha!
Freeze.
Sir Jeffrey, would you
mind if I take over?
Yeah, actually
Great, we'll call
you when you're up.
I'll be working on my lines.
I need you to use and trust
the length of your sword.
Use and trust the
length of my sword.
Yes.
It's kind of like the force.
Yeah, the force.
hand in your pocket.
Okay, in my pocket.
Yes.
Okay, I can do that.
I can handle that.
I think we need the girl.
What?
Yeah, the girl.
No, she's knocked out.
Yeah, but she can wake up.
No, she's not
supposed to wake up yet, VD.
No, she wake up, but
she want to come to my aid.
No.
- No.
- It would be very funny!
VD, we're running out of time.
Get me Louie.
Sir...
VD...
Page Louie.
I would like the girl, please.
VD?
I want the girl.
Get me Maria.
VD, your chef, Louie.
Louie, what were those
strips of things we had?
When?
Last week.
What day?
Tuesday.
That was the chicken.
No, it was not the chicken.
Maybe it wasn't Tuesday?
Maybe.
Wednesday?
I don't know, it
was the strips of things
No, the pesto was
on the chicken on Tuesday.
Calamari!
Yes, calamari!
But that was Thursday.
With a lemon herb
and a sesame oil.
Oh, it was Thursday.
Yes, Thursday.
Oh.
Well I will have two strips
of calamari al dente.
Yes, sir.
VD, Maria.
Oh, Maria.
How are you?
Good, how are you?
I'm very good now
that you are here.
We have decided to add
you into the fight.
Do I get to punch you?
Uh... no.
Kick you?
No.
Oh.
But you do get to
slap me in the face
with your fair and ample bosom.
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"The Extendables" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_extendables_20177>.
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